Textual Intercourse

A friend sent me the above picture which prompted the following interaction:


me: if bitches could get double pregnant it would have happened a long time ago
hahaha then you could have a double abortion

brady: it would be a massacre

me: i'd get triple preg and then have an abortion so i could refer to the holocaust in my uterus
i'd nickname my ladyparts auschwitz
gives a whole new meaning to the phrase "bun in the oven'

brady: so if you have sex with the baby's father and he keeps getting the baby's baby pregnant in a loop, the final baby would be the most inbred creature.

me: good call
then it would finally pop out as sarah palin

brady: OMG
I almost wrote that

me: it is the most logical destination

Thank You For Being A Twat

I woke up this morning at 4:30 and luckily had the sense to write down the crazy shit I was dreaming. Let's begin. In the first one I was fighting against evil cylons. Caprica Six was on my side, but it was intense. They were throwing all sorts of bombs at us. Grenades, flashbombs and some kind of electrical blasts were going off all around us. Then we somehow figured out that their weakness was the blood of one of our comrades, George, the werewolf from Being Human. So naturally I bit his ear to the point it almost came off, and we used the blood to win the battle. Then I remember being at some party and seeing Madonna flirt with someone I knew to be the coach of the University of Michigan's football team. Who he actually is, I have no idea, but apparently he was there. Then I found myself in a dorm room with a bunch of old ladies, including Betty White. Betty was selling them drugs. I procured a glass ampule of something called tachycandia from her. Yeah, what the fuck? At some point, I realized I had a sewing needle in my hand, so of course I placed it in my tongue. Ages ago I had my tongue pierced, and I have a dream every now and then that it is that way again. It's usually a regular barbell though, not a sharp, tiny needle in my mouth. The last thing I remember is that I was playing with a bunch of kittens, but they were scratching the hell out of my hands. I think the cat dream was maybe due to the Laser Cat sketch on SNL last night. Fun fact: Betty White turns 88 today. Happy birthday, you lovely old bitch!