How To Be Shady, Perez Hilton Style

A random memory came to me today. It has to do with my friend Sharetha, with whom I grew up. One day in high school, she told me about a wedding she attended over the weekend. She said that everyone was laughing at the bride behind her back because she was such a ho. She had earned the nickname "Stitches" because she "let a bunch of dudes run a train up on her;" and apparently it was such a ferocious train that she had to go to the hospital and get her snatch stitched up. Maybe they call them snitches? I'll never think of Harry Potter the same again.

Superhomofagilisticexpiqueeridocious

Shawnda is wearing Chanel perfume today. I love most Chanel perfumes. For a long time I've been wanting to just wear it myself. I enjoy the smell, so why not? I don't care what anyone says, the Chanel colognes are just not similar enough. Maybe I could get away with spritzing just a tiny bit and telling people it's some obscure scent for men by Chanel they've never heard of before. Too gay? Like I give a fuck.

Way To Go

Congratulations, Miley Cyrus, you've got (what I think is) you're first official nipple slip. Luckily you're only 16, so the uncensored picture might not be making the rounds. Don't worry, if you have Tara Reid lumpy, scarred nips, it stays in the vault. You're well on your way to upskirts, bukakke shots, a sextape, and your very first overdose. Here's to hoping!