Why Voldemort Is Gay

My friend is reading the Harry Potter books for the first time (I KNOW, it's shocking there's an adult who hasn't actually read them) and has been providing me with commentary. This is his reasoning for why Voldemort loves cock:

Here is my new HP conspiracy. Voldemort is a faggot.

We know he is obsessed with snakes and has a natural skill at "speaking their language".

The ministry of magic hates him and we have already established that they hate the gays by the way they treat Dumbledore and their botched job with lezzy Bertha Jorkins.

All of his Death Eaters (Cum Eaters) are men except for that one bitch who is clearly a fag hag with her tranny makeup and sassy attitude.

He tried to kill a baby. As we know faggots hate babies and babies hate fags.

Being skinny and smooth, he was a twink at school. This is why he hated Dumbledore, a gay man over 30, and Hagrid, a hairy bear.

Being a shitty faggot, he is an elitest.

In an attempt at living forever, he seriously fucked that face up, botched nose job and face lift. Now he is a bitter old, queen. Jealously he kills the younger, prettier Cedric Diggory.

He is obsessed with unicorns.

How To Read

"Shade came from reading."

Let's take it back a bit.  How would you like to hear a faggoty song by a queen from the House of Revlon about reading a bitch? 

I wish there were a YouTube of this, but sadly, it seems there isn't  Mecca Revlon: "How To Read."  Check it out here, but please also buy it on iTunes under Jonny McGovern's East Village Mixtape to support our sisters.

O Rly?

Edit: I just realized that this comes off as dirty, and I'd like to clarify that the proposed hour of time was for a coffee date.  You gutterslut cumgoblins.

Some men just don't know how to treat a lady.  Confidence is cute, arrogance is a boner assassin.  Don't make me slap a brick and read you to filth.  You really don't want me to go there.  I own a condo there.

"You can't serve sufficient face, girl"  how is that for six words?

In Which We Discuss Rimming

Brady and I like to watch/mock The Vampire Diaries simultaneously and gossip about it.  We are also fans of the male figure.  Over the course of the show, Steven R. McQueen has gone from super twink to muscle twink, and I appreciate both forms.  It's like he's now a Super Saiyan version of himself. 

me:  I really want to make Jeremy spread and go to town

. . .

me:  I'd like him on his back with his knees by his head

Brady:  Yes, face and body wise he is fine.

. . .

Brady:  Oh back to Jeremy's ass. Unless it is super fine, it wouldn't inspire me to munch it.

Brady:  But I'd fuck him.

me:  It looks nicely shaped

Brady:  I enjoy when guys do mine and I'd do it for a bf but I'm not eating strange sniz unless it's just begging for it.

me:  Sometimes it does though.

me:  It says, eat me

me:  Toss me with a nice vinnaigrette and top me with parmesan

Brady:   Some do.

You like peanut butter, right?

And this is how I pay my bills.

My tattoo is a representation of when I lost my assginity.

Who's Your Sniz Demon?

It's like a spirit animal.  But the kind that tempts you and says it's okay to meet up with that cumdumpster from across town and pee on him.  My bff and I have used the term sniz demon for a while now.  Sometimes we succumb to them.  But it helps to put a face and name to the term.  I landed on mine being the genie version of Jafar from Aladdin.

Snizfar.  "Ha your sniz demon is totally a gay Arabian genie."

My friend thinks his is more subtle and calculating.  Here's my take on it:

"OH your sniz demon is like the Wishmaster djinn.  You think you're getting what you want, but in the end, it fucks you.  To death."

We bought pretty matching rings as talismans to ward off the sniz demons, but the spirits prove too strong from time to time.  I've come to accept that it's okay to give in every now and then, but never become a slave to your sniz demon.

Animated Sexuality: Cyclops Is A Nelly Bottom Edition

Well, to be fair, the title refers to the Marvel Anime version for sure.  His body posture and feminine features make it seem as if he's more likely to be the. . . uke.  However, he could enjoy everything or be a possible blouse (feminine top, I love this term I just learned).  Anyway, it's hot.  I just looked up a few pictures of Cyclops because as I was reading the (terrible) Avengers vs. X-Men and catching up on Uncanny X-Men, I noticed that it seemed the artists seem to like drawing good old Cyclops from behind most often. 

Perhaps this is because they are more uncomfortable having a depiction of skin-tight crotch bulge on the page?  Even though they always play down the bulge.  It's 99% disappointing due to their preference of underexaggerating the bulge.  Maybe they think it's more appropriate to draw an ass instead.  Well.  Let me just say that this is fiiiiiiiiiine with me because I would prefer to see a tight Cyclops ass than a fluffy bulge  Just my taste.

I can't even get started on how deep my love for X-Man on X-Man porn is, so I'm staying focused on Cyclops.  I got a little derailed on Google and found. . . a few pictures to share.  Enjoy!

Tekken: Blood Vengeance

I watched a fun movie this afternoon called Tekken: Blood Vengeance. It's a CGI movie based on the videogame series. Like the Final Fantasy: Advent Children movie, the fights were spot on, however the plot lacked severely. I found solace in capturing the homoerotic moments. Please enjoy.