TMI

Here's a little interaction with my gay best friend in town.

First he sent:

me:  Lol yeah no one needs to know that

me:  Is it [redacted, some sniz who had a history of shitting on his tricks during sex]?

bff: Boner defeated

bff:  BONER SMASH!

me:  Sniz used IBS.  It was highly effective! BFF's boner fainted

O Rly?

Edit: I just realized that this comes off as dirty, and I'd like to clarify that the proposed hour of time was for a coffee date.  You gutterslut cumgoblins.

Some men just don't know how to treat a lady.  Confidence is cute, arrogance is a boner assassin.  Don't make me slap a brick and read you to filth.  You really don't want me to go there.  I own a condo there.

"You can't serve sufficient face, girl"  how is that for six words?

In Which We Discuss Rimming

Brady and I like to watch/mock The Vampire Diaries simultaneously and gossip about it.  We are also fans of the male figure.  Over the course of the show, Steven R. McQueen has gone from super twink to muscle twink, and I appreciate both forms.  It's like he's now a Super Saiyan version of himself. 

me:  I really want to make Jeremy spread and go to town

. . .

me:  I'd like him on his back with his knees by his head

Brady:  Yes, face and body wise he is fine.

. . .

Brady:  Oh back to Jeremy's ass. Unless it is super fine, it wouldn't inspire me to munch it.

Brady:  But I'd fuck him.

me:  It looks nicely shaped

Brady:  I enjoy when guys do mine and I'd do it for a bf but I'm not eating strange sniz unless it's just begging for it.

me:  Sometimes it does though.

me:  It says, eat me

me:  Toss me with a nice vinnaigrette and top me with parmesan

Brady:   Some do.

You like peanut butter, right?

And this is how I pay my bills.

My tattoo is a representation of when I lost my assginity.

Who's Your Sniz Demon?

It's like a spirit animal.  But the kind that tempts you and says it's okay to meet up with that cumdumpster from across town and pee on him.  My bff and I have used the term sniz demon for a while now.  Sometimes we succumb to them.  But it helps to put a face and name to the term.  I landed on mine being the genie version of Jafar from Aladdin.

Snizfar.  "Ha your sniz demon is totally a gay Arabian genie."

My friend thinks his is more subtle and calculating.  Here's my take on it:

"OH your sniz demon is like the Wishmaster djinn.  You think you're getting what you want, but in the end, it fucks you.  To death."

We bought pretty matching rings as talismans to ward off the sniz demons, but the spirits prove too strong from time to time.  I've come to accept that it's okay to give in every now and then, but never become a slave to your sniz demon.

Textual Intercourse

Amen, indeed, sister

I filled Blanche in on my latest conquest, an Asian gym rat with SEVERE bro-itis. There was an eye-rolling moment that perhaps can wait until you hear it on the podcast (second episode recorded! but it won't contain this breaking news).  So we shared our secret love of gym shorts on a guy and pinky swore never to tell anyone.  Oops. 

Blanche: I am a SUCKER for the gym shorts yo

Me:  Yeah I hate myself for it

Blanche:  If you can't hate yourself a little, how the hell are you gonna blow a frat boy?

Blanche:  Can I get a amen in here?

Me:  AMEN

Blanche:  I used to love campus as a kid. They seemed so grown up.  Now they are chirruns

Me:  I know.  I keep getting older but their hot asses stay the same age

Blanche:  Alright alright alright.

THE PODCAST IS HERE!!!

One and Half F*gs is currently available for download on iTunes.  Subscribe, motherfuckers.  This is the chld that Travis and I had that we just didn't have the heart to abort.  Give it a listen; write a review!  Tell us we're awesome, tell us we're unfunny assholes, just check it out!  I hate the sound of my own voice, but listening to this shit was so funny, that I forgot about that.  GET INTO IT HERE IF YOU WANT.

Textual Intercourse

sniz:  ur probs a serial killer

me:  in that case you'd be a hot trophy

Textual Intercourse, Episode II: The Snizzening

and later. . .

sniz:  damn i just put my running shorts on lol

me:  then run that tight ass over here

Textual Intercourse, Episode I: Desperately Snizzing Susan

me:  want to come fuck?

sniz:  lol i just ate dinner i feel like a pig lol

me:  boo, you whore

Intriguing

Let's play a game of Hypothetical.  Imagine if you will that several months ago, your best friend hooked up with a guy he admitted "wasn't [his] type" and "might actually be really good for you."'  They didn't have chemistry, and haven't been in much contact with each other since then.  This annoyed you, but it wasn't terrible.  After all, who am I to chastise someone for refusing perfectly good dick?  Now I, HYPOTHETICALLY, meet him.  At this point, there is no snizgenda, just chit-chatting.  What is the etiquette there?  Am I supposed to pretend I don't know that they snizzed?  The only thing going through my head is how my friend said this guy has the perfect penis.  I just know I'm going to blurt it out.  But do I just bring him around one day and introduce them to each other as if I don't know they've had each other's cocks in their mouths?  Or can I say, this is my best friend whom I believe you know?  I wonder what Emily Post would have to say about such a situation.  My imaginary self asked my friend, and he said to just say nothing about it.  I guess that would be the easiest thing to do.  In the end, it doesn't really matter.  I don't give a shit, and I'm sure they ultimately don't give a shit either.  Maybe this is what people on Craigslist mean by being a "discrete" bro.