Animated Sexuality: Cyclops Is A Nelly Bottom Edition

Well, to be fair, the title refers to the Marvel Anime version for sure.  His body posture and feminine features make it seem as if he's more likely to be the. . . uke.  However, he could enjoy everything or be a possible blouse (feminine top, I love this term I just learned).  Anyway, it's hot.  I just looked up a few pictures of Cyclops because as I was reading the (terrible) Avengers vs. X-Men and catching up on Uncanny X-Men, I noticed that it seemed the artists seem to like drawing good old Cyclops from behind most often. 

Perhaps this is because they are more uncomfortable having a depiction of skin-tight crotch bulge on the page?  Even though they always play down the bulge.  It's 99% disappointing due to their preference of underexaggerating the bulge.  Maybe they think it's more appropriate to draw an ass instead.  Well.  Let me just say that this is fiiiiiiiiiine with me because I would prefer to see a tight Cyclops ass than a fluffy bulge  Just my taste.

I can't even get started on how deep my love for X-Man on X-Man porn is, so I'm staying focused on Cyclops.  I got a little derailed on Google and found. . . a few pictures to share.  Enjoy!

Frosty the Snizman

Frosty the Snowman Gay porn. Shut. The. Fuck. Up. Only homos. The dildo picture is the best, but I also appreciate the several typos spread across the pages.

We Have a Winner

Wow. Just wow. I just watched perhaps the most disturbing porn. And I've seen some disturbing shit. There's one where maybe 20 guys cum in a shotglass, which is then frozen and subsequently inserted into a guy's anus. That's not the disturbing one I just saw. The video in question started off so normal. An extremely cute guy is blowing a soft, so-so-looking guy. Throughout the beginning, Cute Guy gives Pudge adorable puppy eyes, and it couldn't be cuter. Then the deepthroating begins. Which is fine. Whatever. Like in real life, in porn, deepthroating is acceptable in brief intervals. It really doesn't feel that great, but it's nice to look at every now and then. After a few minutes, it becomes apparent that the video is focusing on DT. Then it happens. With Pudge's cock all the way down, we hear a liquidy gurgle as CG's cheeks puff. No, we think. It can't be. That scenario can occur without actually throwing up. But CG pulls himself off Pudge, and what we fear becomes reality: the spew spills to the floor. I'm at least grateful it's not chunky. It's like. . . beer vomit. You know what I mean. By now, CG is sweaty with effort and the physical reaction of gagging/vomiting. He looks good like that, so vomit aside, it's still enjoyable. Maybe it was a fluke. Hey, I've heard horror stories of such things. Perhaps the editors just left it in. Oh no. The next 25 minutes consist of the same thing. Deepthroat, spew, repeat. It was horrifying, but still kind of arousing? That's not something I need to try in real life to know I wouldn't like. In the end, the cumshot is disappointing. Truly, what can top all the gagging and spewing? A simple swallowing cumshot pales in comparison. Which makes me wonder: since this is part 1 of 13, what the hell are the rest like? Stay tuned, maybe I'll make it through them.

Baby Jesus Smiles Upon Us

A few days ago I tweeted my love for Traci Lords and wondered if she had a Twitter account. A friend of mine who works for Twitter kindly replied today that she does indeed have an account. Let's get our shit together, folks, and everyone follow her. Traci Lords is a national fucking treasure and should be treated as such. If you don't have a Twitter account, start one just so you can follow her. You don't have to use it ever except to glance at her radiant visage every so often.

I first discovered her when I saw a movie in 1996 called Nowhere. It's trashy, funny and fantastic, and is one of my favorite movies to this day. She has a cameo as part of a trio of valley girls consisting of herself, Rose McGowan and (The Monster) Shannen Doherty. They get zapped to nothing by an alien lizard creature, by the way. The point is that she was striking, and I HAD to know who she was. Her story is a crazy one. By the time she was 18, she had allegedly starred in over 100 adult films. Only one of those was filmed when she was 18, making it the sole legal remnants of her young porn career (in the U.S. at least). She had been writing her own scripts and developed a production company, proving she wasn't just another pornographic actress.

She made the move to mainstream television and films, and has had a plethora of roles. She also tried to crack into the music business. I found that I still have three of her songs in my collection. It's dance or house or trance music, I don't fucking know the difference, and it's. . . well, not so great. But she gets an A for effort!

There's also some juicy controversy about how she may have allegedly tipped off the authorities herself in order to gain immunity to prosecution. I bought her autobiography when it came out a few years ago, and I heartily recommend it, even though it may be a big bag of bullshit. It doesn't matter, I will always have a special place in my cold, black heart for this ho, as should you.

Machine Girl

I'm watching an awful and hilarious movie about a Japanese girl on a quest for revenge. It's your average over-the-top gore story where a crazy Yakuza wife batters and fries a poor girl's arm tempura-style. Naturally, she goes on a vendetta, and replaces her yummy arm with a machine gun. The movie is campy, ridiculous and fun. I was really enjoying the performance of a secondary character, so I figured I'd look her up to see if I might like anything else she's done. Her Wikipedia page says she's an AV Idol. What's that? Why, that would be "adult video" idol of course. Porn titles are funny to begin with, but they're even better when poorly translated into English! Here are some of her movies:

Old Romantic Eroticism of Sexy Maid, Lewd Lady and Pure School Girl

Girl Ninja Hot and Brave Story

Three Sisters Ninja Sex

Splash Girl, Whale Cow 05, 10 Girls Squirting Flood!

SOD Rape Hospital The Premium

Analize 3, Genuine Anal Virgin

43 Men Nakadashi Gang Rape

Oh yeah, there's a drill bra this one bitch uses to mash the main character's titties into pulp.

Sleeping Booty

I purchased pornographic material recently for only my second time ever. I always figured there was no point in paying when so much is freely available online. Speaking of inherent stinginess, Happy Chanukah! Anyway, the first time was a subscription to a website that featured guys doing sexual exploits while smoking. What?!? I enjoyed it at the time. It's a thing. I really only got the recent one because I discovered a "model" I became very fond of. I did my stalker thing and found Derrek Diamond's blog which led me to his Twitter account. I figured I'd get a kick out of seeing what he could possibly be twatting about. Perhaps:

-fisting: don't knock it till you've tried it

-don't blow air up my ass and tell me i'm farting

-this isn't your father's interracial gangbang

?

Unfortunately his Twitter account is locked! It's by invite only, like the way sex is supposed to be! I went ahead and requested to be a follower, and he accepted. The surprising part is that he added himself as a follower of my account. Now I find myself feeling the need to impress him with my tweets! Is this normal? I try to be funny, and I don't post 20 per day detailing my bowel movements and every waking thought. Although I bet that might be entertaining. The point is I feel suddenly pressured to dance, monkey, dance! for a guy I don't even know who makes a living wrestling naked in baby oil, having sex and performing solo with a sodomy machine. I want him to write about the REALLY interesting stuff on his blog. What is life after porn? Are you going to be a cliche and become a porn director, or do you plan to open a muffin store? Does your family know what you do for a living? If so, how did you tell them? What's the nastiest experience you've had in the industry? What's the shadiest? How did you get your start? How does your partner of almost 9 years truly feel about your career? Would you be okay with him doing porn? Were you abused in any way as a child? What's your relationship like with your parents? Is there anything sexual that you won't do with a scene partner but will only do with your life partner? These are the meaty questions! Maybe I'll try to get in contact with him for an interview. I'll have to find an angle and an actual reason to justify it. Gears are turning. . .

It's That Time Again

Time for funny porn titles!


Whoregasm

I Wanna Cum Inside Your Mom

Double Airbags

My Sister Loves Anal 2

Anal Teen Tryouts 19

Squirting With The Stars 2

My Cruel Sluts

Sex Trek

Holy Fuck It's Huge

Deep Black Ass 5

No Boys Just Toys

I Came In Your Mom

Latina Cum Bath

MILFs Lovin MILFs

Anal Conduct 4

Anal Addicts

Samurai Porn (!!! I'm definitely getting this one)

Your Mom's A Slut She Takes It In The Butt

Fisting Hot House - Mo Betta Butt

New Favorite

I saw an excellent movie this week: Otto; or, Up With Dead People.





Zombies and pornography? This is a match made in heaven. Bruce LaBruce has managed to combine two of my favorite things. Otto is a very attractive zombie trying to find his way in this crazy world. There's a great scene where two zombie dudes get it on, and one fucks the other's wounds! It's not just simulated sex. It was really one man's erect penis penetrating an imitation bite wound. Amazing! There's got to be a term for that. Does anyone know what it's called when one is really into fucking wounds?



Anyway Otto is very attractive, even in his undead state. I'd heard of the man who made the movie before I saw it, but I never knew much about him. Then I looked up other films by Mr. LaBruce. One includes a scene in which a man masturbates and ejaculates onto a copy of Adolf Hitler's Mein Kampf. Awesome. Judging from the sex scenes in Otto, it is a man genuinely jerking off onto the book. Another of his movies has a "controversial amputee sex scene." YES!!! I'm in love. I immediately ordered the movies, and they arrived today. I'm really looking forward to watching them.

A Wank Down Memory Lane

I remember the first time I found out there was pornography on the internet. This was a novel experience because the internet as we know it hadn't been around for a terribly long time. It was right around the time Mortal Kombat 3 was released. I was trying to find information about the game, and I ended up on some page having to do with the people who modeled the characters. Apparently the girl who modeled for Sonya Blade, Kerri Hoskins, was also a Playboy model. I saw her boobs and was scandalized that such images were on the internet. The first gay porn site I found was the Manhole or something like that. It was 100% an accident! I seriously wasn't looking for gay porn, it just happened. It was a happy accident, and we've been together ever since.

BitComet Best, Part Deux

I just spent way too much time looking through video titles to find these, but there are some good ones. I apologize for any repeats:

Milk Junkies

The Great American Squirt Off

Asian Babymakers

Japanese Office Sluts

Anal Chaos
(sounds messy)

Big Tits At Work

Fuck Me. . . I'm Fat
(kiss me, I'm Irish)

All Star Bodybuilders In Heat

Weapons of Ass Destruction 6

Bukkakepee

Ultimate Sex Party - Slut Bus

Scale Bustin Babes

Private British - Virgin Asses

Big Tits Boss - Mrs. Titty

Baby Got Boobs - Breakup Sex

Gay Frat - Backdoor Affair
("gay frat" = redundant)

The Best Lesbian Dreams

Anal Perversions

Masturbation Mayhem
(every night with me. sometimes twice)

Monster Cock Worship
(see above)

Female Ninja Rape - Ninjitsu Notebook

Sodomania 33

Gangbang My Face 3

No Cum Dodging Allowed
(I imagine the girls/guys who dodge it with Matrix-style bullet-time)

Mommy Loves Cock

Anal Assault
(sounds like a DJ name)

Up and Cummers

Caesar's Hard Hat Gangbang

Cougars In Heat

Milfalicious

Moms Gone Wild 2

She Is Half My Age 6

Horny Black Mothers and Daughters

Screw My Wife Please

I Fucked Your Wife Again
(I see one dude telling this to the other with a sheepish smile and a shoulder shrug)

Tiny Tit Squirters
(I don't know if they squirt from the tits or from the vag)

Spermaparty

The Big Swallow

Evil Anal 6
(this is my favorite, but I don't have a joke for it)

Mommy Loves Big Black Dicks
(also the title of a children's book to explain what little Jimmy walked in on)

Holy Fuck It's Huge 5

Anal Devastation
(Katrina-like anal annihilation)

Sex Trek - Where No Man Has Cum Before
(meaning a location or an object.orifice? I seriously doubt there is something man has yet to ejaculate upon)

Cockasian 2

Dark Meat, White Treat 5

Ass Cleavage

Your Mommy And Me

My Wife, Your Meat

Pussy Contest 3
(what's the criteria to win?)

Tit-Fuck Tryouts

Strap-On Sistas, White Boys Only
(I think I'm going to go back and download this. . . )

The Best of BitComet

I was browsing available videos for download, and I couldn't help but notice the massive amount of pornography. There were some great titles, so I really wanted to share them:



Anal Lesbian Sweethearts

All Out Anal 2

Massive Asses 3

Anal Domination

Private British MILFs

Rio's Anal Revenge

Wet Lips

21st Sextury Clit Club

Anal Sex 4 Dummys (sic)

Ballbusting British Bitches Football Practice (might not be porn)

Naughty America-Bookworm Bitches

Lesbian Foot Worship

Triple Creampie Fantasies

Strap Attack 6

Lactating - Milking Mature Saggy Tits

Fucked Up Handjobs 3

Cum On My Hairy Pussy 6

Tittylicious

9 Friends Clusterfuck

Big Ass Anal Heaven 9

Asshole Fever

Giant Black Greeze Butts

That Teen's Got A Bushy Pussy

Straight Boys Who Drink Semen

Swallow My Cum Bitch

The Cum Artist 2

Teenage Anal Princess

Anal Rehab

Bubble Bursting Butts 2 - Creampie Sex

Big Titty Christmas