"Shia LeBarf"

This whole mess started because I decided to watch Transformers 2 last night. Which, by the way, wasn't great or anything, but I'd rather have seen it instead of Terminator: Salvation in theaters. My texts are in black, and my friend Sunny's are in violet.

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i downloaded transformers 2... going to try to watch tonight

I just lost vote for movie tonight....only one who wanted to see jennifer's body

the 1st was literally painful on my eyes
ugh damn me for liking megan fox

"punk ass decepticon?" seriously?

Soundwave definitely just tentacle raped that satellite

I'm really enjoying transformers in all its shitty glory

shia is sometimes hot

i was just thinking that!

sometimes

I fucking hate his name though

yeah, def can't see myself moaning "shia" during sexy times

his name evokes the same reaction out of me that the mean Lhasa my fam had....I'm sure you remember Lafite

HAHAHAHAHA. they have similar hair texture. i'd make him give me a flightless pigeon." that's a handjob using a broken arm/hand

we could roleplay and he's wear one of those jew hats and long curly sideburns

I just want to kick or punch Shia

and say "oy" when we bone

Def no moaning Shia, lol

invent a sex position called the Wheezing Moses or something

You should make an illustration

i wouldn't mind parting his red sea

Do Jew wigs exist?

it's a niche fetish but i'm sure lol.

Dude... Shia could only be a bottom

total pussyboy

I hope he plays a gay character one day- believe it or not I like him as an actor....Something about him is non-mainstream hot ... Maybe I like that he is kinda geeky?

And he is refreshing for a Hollywood boy

i agree. he's geeky and has a distinct, quirky acting style

Yes!

I bet he has a nice O face

good call! i bet it's similar to his freakout seizure face in the lecture hall in this movie, eyes rolling back & all

and a dash of whimpering = his o face recipe

Yes yes yes yes yes!!!!!!!!!! With a little bit of "I'm confused" thrown in!!!!!!!

Does he take his shirt off in that movie?

no doesn't look like it. and there are only like 2 shirtless shots from my brief google search

Perfect!!!!!

I hope he isn't like surprisingly ripped or jacked up with muscles.... That would de-hot him a little for me

oh no he's delightfully soft

Nice!

Would you do him face down at all? I think I would actually like to look at his face...

Like the whole time

hmm i'd have to switch it up, but i enjoy seeing winces during thrusts, and we've already determined he has a great whining face

Right! I mean his face would kind of be the point of the whole thing!

wow. we just had a lengthy, in-depth back & forth about shia labeouf's possible O face. i'm glad we're friends!

Ditto

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Sunny's bf had this to email about our mild obsession:

1. Shia LeBarf is disgusting and you both make me sick.

2. Enjoy - http://shiantology.com/2009/06/18/shiantologys-shia-labeouf-creashian-gallery/

Bonus for you, Eyewash required for me: http://shiantology.com/2009/09/25/shia-labeouf-meat-packing-district-penis/

It's Rrrrrrrrrrrrrape Time!

My boss and I were driving through campus today when I spied a lovely wooded area randomly next to dormitories. This shady, sun-dappled stretch even had what looked like a log cabin. Its beauty smacked me in the face and I commented "wow! That park is fucking beautiful."

My boss replied "the students call it Rape Park."

"Well Rape Park is gorgeous."

Gurd Your Loins

I read a report today that Real Housewives of New York's very own (S)Kelly(tor) KILLOREN Bensimon will appear in the December 2009 issue of Playboy.

*shudder*

Thankfully she won't be exposing the lunch meat between her legs. I'm thinking it will be something tasteful along the lines of this:

Tyra Smeyets The World

Tyra Banks is killing me. With her eyes. Her "smeyes." She's "SMEYETING" ME. "What's that?" you ask? Oh, you don't know about the horrible new word invented by a useless woman for an imaginary action? "Smeyesing" is smiling with your eyes. If you watched tonight's America's Next Top Model, then you are all too familiar. I considered watching it again in order to count the number of times smeyes is uttered, but I knew I'd have performed terrible and permanent self-mutilation before I could finish it.

Then the producers thought it would be a great idea to put all the contestants in spandex body suits. Here's the result:

I'mma Let You Finish. . .

Okay okay we all know what happened at the recent MTV VMA festivities. Kanye West once again proved that he shouldn't be allowed to interact with people ever. What he did to "country singer" Taylor Swift was bogus and lame, but it's also made her more popular and lovable. I'd like to thank Kanye for giving us the template for endless hilarity:

I'mma Let You Finish

Stefani Joanne Angelina Germanotta

I liked her when no one really knew who she was. Then I got all pretentious when she went mainstream and shunned her. Now I'm feeling her again. Her performance at the VMAs was quite enjoyable. I'm a sucker for blood and tragedy, but that was fun! I got into her crutch and the random dancer in the wheelchair. My dad couldn't believe she did that. I showed him the video for "Paparazzi," and he asked why she was making fun of the disabled. I said that she wasn't making fun of them, she's sending a message. "What message?" he asked, "all you bitches in wheelchairs need to get you some crutches and dance?" That sounds about right.


Then there's the hullabaloo about her sex. Apparently some people are convinced she's really a man. Which would be cool! Here's a good quote from the website http://www.textsfromlastnight.com/: "all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis." Ha!

Poor Girl

This morning my coworkers and I briefly discussed the recent tragedy of the discovery of a Yale graduate student's body being found in the walls of a lab. This is terrible and my thoughts and prayers go out to her family and loved ones. All this considered, when everyone else was lamenting the situation, my response was "maybe she had it coming."

Spidercorn

A few days ago, I enjoyed some delicious lightly salted, air popped popcorn, as I do from time to time while entertaining myself. I was chomping away without a care in the world when I happened to look down at a handful. I spied a tiny dark spider crawling across one fluffy kernel. I initially freaked out and made sure to kill it swiftly and surely. I've heard that we each consume approximately eight spiders every year without ever knowing it. I thought perhaps I dodged a bullet. Because it was such an awfully small creature, it occurred to me that it may have been an infant spider. As I know from the certainly factual film Arachnaphobia, they aren't born one at a time. Convinced there must be thousands of tiny spiders in my snack, I sifted through the popcorn under strong light to check. I didn't see anymore spiders, but I couldn't shake the feeling that my batch was tainted. The thing is, I was really hungry. And it would have taken a good two or three minutes to make more! I figured if I already eat so many spiders without even knowing it, what's another if I'm not even aware of it? So I finished the bowl and decided that maybe spiders are high in protein?