Squirtle, I Choose You!

I found this adorable little creature in the parking lot at work. At first I thought it was dead. It wouldn't be the first time I found a random dead animal in the parking lot. But after a moment, it slowly moved its little head. Maybe Parking Lot Squirtle defeated the Parking Lot Lobster that I saw back in April. Squirtle was just sitting on the black top, and I didn't know if I should do something with it. It reminded me however of an incident from a couple weeks ago.



It was a hot, sunny day and I encountered a worm on the sidewalk. I was convinced there was no way it would survive on the hot pavement, so I felt terrible and planned to move it to some moist earth. But then a thought struck me: how fucking arrogant of me! Who did I think I was? I was prepared with good intentions to move this worm to what I thought would be a better life. But really I didn't know what was best for it. Maybe it was on the way to see its little worm babies. Or perhaps it was "meeting the sun," giving up on its life. Who was I to get in the way of his plans? So I let the worm be.

I put the turtle back where I found it, said good luck, and went to wash my hands. No salmonella for me, thank you! I hope it's okay. Part of me wanted to go back and bring him home. But again, I thought of the worm and stayed put. Maybe next time I'll snatch that shit up in a pokéball.

Um, What?

I saw this little bastard chilling all dead on the sidewalk in front of a chiropractic clinic by where I work. At first I thought it was a scorpion. I was a little freaked out, but it was obviously dead, so I looked a little closer. It was clearly not a scorpion, but a LOBSTER. A baby motherfucking lobster. What the fuck? I'm dying to know how a tiny, three-inch lobster wound up dead on the sidewalk in front of a chiropractor's business. Can you even buy them that small? Maybe at a pet store? Do pet stores sell lobsters? There's a story there, and I have half a mind to call them up and ask about it. So many questions.