While You Were Douching. . .

Christian Bale proved he's an asshole:
http://www.aolcdn.com/tmz_audio/020209_christianbale.mp3

Black History Fail

The first thing I said to Shawnda at work this morning was, "happy black history month!" This prompted our other coworker, I'll call her Linda for now, to joke, "you have to teach us something about black history every day this month." To this Shawnda replied, "okay. . . the republicans just elected a black man to represent them."
*sigh*
Not good enough, Shawnda. Not good enough.

BTDubs Michael Steele sounds like a crazy dick.

Oh, and Rush Limbaugh played this song on his show:

To Snatch a Pedophile

Today I was thinking about Mary Kay Fualaau (Letourneau) and her now-husband Vili. They started boning when he was 13 and she was 34. Ew. They're married and spewed out two crotchfruit. They seem to be happy, but that is ass-nasty getting together when he was 13. You know she's cheating on him when she takes the kids on playdates. Getting it on by the jungle gym in her gutterbutt style. Think about it. She's clearly attracted to young boys. It's not like she could have been drawn to his personality. Thirteen-year-olds are assholes. I'm sure he only cared about his Playstation and desperately willed himself to grow that "mustache." To a young boy, it's a conquest to a) have sex at all, b) do it with someone so much older, and c) do it with a teacher. I'm sure he was proud of himself. But then from her perspective, it's abuse and taking advantage of a child. I just don't get her motivation--adolescents are so bad in bed.

I Know Who Killed My Livelihood

(That's what you get for spinning your bean, sinner.)


Looks like LiLo will be heading back to rehab soon. Here's a blind item from BlindGossip.com:

"Which actress is about to become the target of a family intervention? This one is a mess. Almost everyone around her agrees that she is out of control with the drinking and drugging and self-harming and needs to go to rehab. What’s holding her up? Her terminal insecurity about her current volatile relationship. She is so completely co-dependent that her Significant Other can’t even go to work without the actress tagging along. However, lest you blame our actress, you should know that the SO clearly understands that their own financest are dependent on continuing the relationship. Little does the SO know, though, that the actress’s family is planning an intervention to cut out the SO and force the actress into rehab. The family has had several conversations with the family of a famous poptart to work through the financial and legal and practical details of how to obtain a conservatorship. Everything will go down before summer."

It's rather obvious it's the carrot slut. I would LOVE to see this bitch under Dina's thumb like Britney and her dad. And not because it would be good for her, but because it would set the stage for an EPIC meltdown. I'm sensing blood, lots of drugs/alcohol, and an OJ-esque car chase. Oh, and throw some cock in there, because you know she's been craving it. It'll be like her own version of Teeth but bigger, gorier, and insatiable. I mean, she is known for enveloping bar stools she sits on. And didn't she used to have brothers? Mystery solved. NEXT.

Ice Ice, Boring

Comment from anonymous on post Tokio Hotel:

"what is that vanilla twink doing in the background?"

Exactly. That's the route I was originally going to take. He looks like he should be in a softcore gay porn where he does nothing more than making out and doesn't even remove his tighty whities.

Tokio Hotel

OR:

A Less Talented Bjork, Dykey Axl Rose, and Assorted Douchebags.

Have you heard of these people? Their music isn't terrible, but their look is painful. They must like it, so good for them, and it certainly gets people talking. The twin who is the lead singer looks like he belongs in t.A.T.u. I keep thinking how much cooler they'd seem if they were actually women. I wish they were. The dreadlock twin is pumping a MAJOR tomboy lesbian look. Like she wants to eat you out all night long and bust out her biggest strap-on. And t.A.T.u. girl would look very fitting in a plaid schoolgirl uniform. Then what's with the random regular bassist and drummer? They took part in the band on a dare, and when they got signed to a record label, they couldn't just quit the bitch. You know they're thinking, "let's leave these queers to make out and go play some Counterstrike."

Teens and Their Bracelets Don't Have SHIT on Oldschool Queers

My brother is student teaching at a local high school. He said there was an announcement this week that the moratorium on scarves being worn in the school had been lifted. Students staged a protest of the scarf ban. They were banned because gangmembers were wearing them in their back pockets to show affiliation. Homo say what? What kind of faggoty gangs were these? The Sharks and Jets? (There's a Westside Story reference for those not in the know.) Do they have dance battles in which people "get served." Is this New York City circa 1970? You know who else uses hankies to identify "interests?" Homosexuals.

Let me try to decipher the guy in the above photo:

• sucks dick
• into getting peed on
• likes it in the ass
• likes fisting dudes
• dominates guys SM style
• likes to jerk off
• depending on the color interpretation, either likes boning men with dildoes or is into drag queens

Brace Yourself, Whore, You're About to Get a Stunning

Set Phazers To Bukkake

My G-Ma is quite a character. Here's a tidbit: to this day she laments that the FDA pulled the strong diet pills (read: SPEED) of her day off the market. "I could take half a pill and clean the entire house in an hour." Last night she was telling me how she and a friend used to watch Star Trek when she was in her 20s. She told me her friend used to always say, "that William Shatner, he can put his shoes under my bed any day." If you think about it, that's pretty scandalous. It's inflation. Gas used to cost five cents per gallon, and ribaldry has also had to step up its game. That's like a modern, innocent girl saying, "that Zac Effron, I'd let him stick it anywhere and post it on X Tube." But look at young Shatner! He was kind of a hot piece. Now he has kind of a hair piece. And a girdle. I wonder what will be considered the new dirty in 50 years.

Please Crumble, Cookie

Amber M. from the Bad Girls Club was on Tyra Banks' talk show some time recently. She explained what made her a bad girl, and apparently it's abusing people with disabilities. She claimed that she was at a bar and out of nowhere, a "wheelchair guy" rolled into her and spilled an entire drink on her intentionally. This unforgivable infraction warranted her stomping on his balls. "I don't discriminate. If a real guy just did that, I would kick him in the balls too." Exsqueeze me? Baking powder? Somebody needs to drop a house on this cunt.