Textual Intercourse

Brady:  should I do something with my hair for Saturday like spike it?  Are you doing anything?  It might be too long to spike
me: you can't spike yours
me: too long
Brady: yeah they would be huge spikes like that guy on snizlias [how we refer to the tv program Alias]
me: i might throw some gel in mine
me: i like my haircut. she did a good job
me: plus she hardly spoke, which i loved
Brady: you can't wear makeup to a monster truck rally.... well I guess you can but it might not be the smartest move
me: i haven't worn anything in a long time
me: i only can when i'm clean shaven.  and i've only done that like once in the past 2 months
Brady: I just meant coz you wore it to amanda's
me: challenge accepted
Brady: Do what you want I'm just saying if truckers start shit there will be a puff of smoke that vaguely resembles my outline where I was standing
me: i expect nothing less
Brady: unless you friend test me
Brady: but you'd have to be quick
me: there would be a brady-shaped hole in the assembly hall wall before i even turned to look at you

 i wouldn't expect or ask you to fight for me
Brady: I'll leave that to beyonce
me: i never want to get in a real fight because i am fucking scrappy
me: i will go for the throat and groin
Brady: Or Amanda.  Drunk amanda will throw down I think
me: and i wouldn't stop unless i were physically removed
me: yeah she would
Brady: ha
me: drunk amanda is a ride or die bitch
Brady: well we can liquor her up
me: lol
me: like gummi berry juice

The Police Sketch Artist Game

My new friend Judy taught me this game. She said she and a friend used to look up guys on the Illinois registered sex offender website. One person--the victim--would choose a guy, and only she would be able to see him. She would lie in bed pretending to be the sole surviving victim of this horrible man. She would then relate his information and what he looked like to the other person--the police sketch artist. How fun!

Ha

From a friend:

I changed my [dating profile] location to San Fransisco to see what the guys are like and I will admit that there were a lot of hot guys. Well, hot bodies anyway. Usually they would have busted faces, over tan themselves, or dye their hair a[Kimmy] gibbler shade of blond (or any combination of the 3). But also there were quite a few hot guys with hot faces. Anyway. Most were looking for sex. Maybe the moral of the story is don't look for people to date online. Or being gay and not being a whore is a hard life.
Oh also this was someone's profile line "i like me some penis!!!!!!!"