Thug Life

G's To Gents was riveting as usual. Oh, I'm sorry, you can't see me rolling my eyes to the point of pain. The lesson for this week was chivalry. It's a good one to learn since what these guys probably consider chivalry is warning a chickenhead before busting a nut in her mouf. My favorite FTM tranny Macho was denied membership to the oh-so-prestigious Gentlemen's Club. Their challenge was to learn etiquette to use on a date, and Macho was confident. "What do ladies want? They want this diamond on the face. They want this braided up hair. They want this smooth talk. Everything that I embody." Wow. Diamond face tattoo is actually pretty high on my list of qualities for desirable men. The bigger the diamond, the better. He needs to upgrade that shit at Zales or something, and then we can deal. He wasn't very macho in his exit interview:

Look at his pictures, and tell me he was born with a penis. I dare you. I was fortunate enough to be accepted as a friend on MySpace. It's purely for research, trust. According to him, he and Riff Raff are getting their own dating show. Now casting! So any skankbots out there check out Thug Passion, and get your shame on. Please.

Shooting The Duck

That reminds me of my friend Jay. A while ago he asked his parents for some money to help out with purchasing winter clothing. They quiesced, thinking he wanted a warm coat or the like. No. He was intent on getting fingerless Chanel gloves. I said "Jay, those aren't even gloves. You can't call them that. They don't qualify." He still wanted the glovelets. I don't think he ended up getting them, and I'm rather glad. The only place those are appropriate are on a 12-year-old girl's hands at a Gossip Girl-themed rollerskating party. Well, Lila, you could probably pull it off. Jay, I love you, but stick to bowties.

You Gotta Know Your Limits With A Boombox

I recently listened to Lonely Island's album Incredibad. You know them, Andy Jewberg's comedy/music group. I found it surprisingly entertaining. Especially "Boombox" because it talks about fingerless gloves and old people fucking like rabbits. I remember seeing the video for "Jizz In My Pants" and wondering who the attractive nerd was. Now we're imaginarily gay-married. I might be alone here, but I love a funny and cute nerdy guy. They often don't think much of themselves, so you know they won't have attitude, and they'll do the nasty stuff in bed they think they have to in order to get you to like them. Aw, look at that picture! I just want to pinch his cheek and give him a cumstache. Something distinguished. Like an old-timey villain who just tied a bitch to some train tracks.

Go Go, Gadget Rectum!

This week on the Bad Girls Club: used up cumdumpsters hang out with crusty pornography thespians, go to Cancun, and fight. The fight was way disappointing. Tiffany always goes on about how she'll cut a bitch, but when it comes down to it, she's a hair puller just like those other twats. Kayla and Cookie were the only ones to throw down with any ladyballs at all. It was basically everyone pulling Cookie Amber's hair. Having only self grown hair really worked to Cookie's disadvantage. If you yanked on, say, Tiffany's 2-foot-long ponytail, that shit would pop right off like a gecko tail. It's kind of a ghetto defense mechanism. Hopefully they'll just all get kicked off the show. That way Oxygen can just skip down to the corner and pick up some more classy ladies.

The cast went to the premiere of a porn film, and they got all cozy with this thing:

Would you like to sit on that alligator face? No, no you wouldn't. Not unless you had a bionic asshole. I'd turn that shit into a blender.

Oh here's a nice quote from Tiff: "Seven bad girls in Mexico. Come on, what more could you axe for?" I would axe for one of them grammatatical books and a dictionurry.

Problem Solving

A few minutes ago I had a question. I wanted to know the price of a particular product. I went to Google and typed in "how much does" when the drop down menu anticipated my question. Third from the bottom was my burning question, and its shameful, slutty cousin was second from the top. There sure are a lot of pregnant ladies out there who don't want to be. Or pissed off husbands/boyfriends/hookups who don't want to pay child support or deal with crotchfruit. Angelmaking can be quite expensive depending on when you have to relocate the embryo. Just think of it like this, prospective unparents: it's an investment!

Turning The World Slutty One Skank At A Time

Hey, Robin Antin. What's up? How's your monstrous penis-like clit? I see you were a judge on the most recent episode of RuPaul's Drag Race. That seems fitting. Your criticism for each contestant was to make them sluttier and show more skin. You said that you always want something to show. No truer words have ever been spoken. You've trained your own "ladies" of the Pussycat Dolls well. They always follow your advice. Just look at all the censored pictures that come up for an image search of TPD. It seems that a nipple or labia is always showing. Bravo, Ms. Man, you should be proud.

No Means No Means Yes

Fantasy books will often take a modern creation or event and demonstrate a fictional way it came to be. Maybe it will be a gun, or you find out that a lesbian love affair caused the French Revolution. I'm currently reading a book in which a character creates something not often encountered in fantasy fiction: the rape whistle. In times of magic and war, thank the gods that women have access to rape whistles. Do you think things might have gone down differently in Greek mythology if all those women had rape whistles when Zeus was going around forcing himself on everyone?


Here's a rape whistle for kids--fun for the whole family!

Vomitrocious

Lil' Moishe here wrote a book about conservatism. Woo-hoo. I feel I can safely say he's looking at a lifetime of unintentional abstinence and keeping kosher.

Googly Eyes

A few weeks ago in an episode of United States of Tara we saw one character's uneven titties from a botched augmentation. Check it out:






They make me want to do this:

Don't Don't Cry For Me

Don't you love when you forget something exists and then are reminded of it years later? I do. Check out the hot moves the big girl in this video busts out. I saw this about 7 years ago, and it's still hilarious. I want to befriend that Korean girl. At about the 1:30 mark she makes kind of a Gene Simmons face that will haunt you. Do yourself a favor and learn the Korean hand jive or whatever she does. And how about her final move? I wonder how old she is now and if she knows what an internet sensation she has become. I'd love her forever and do 80s dance moves with her and share my pudding.