In Dreams

I had a dream last night that I was just chilling by myself, sitting on a stoop somewhere.  A woman and her young daughter came along, and the little girl just up and sat on my lap.  The first thing I noticed was that she had a cat nose and patches of blue fur on her face.  Oh, and whiskers.  I was nice to her and asked her what her name was (I don't remember) and how old she was.  She said she was seven, and I commented on her fur.  She seemed a little embarrassed at first, and her mother said it's something they don't really like to talk about.  I told the girl that I thought her fur was really cute, and I wish I had some.  She giggled, and then I woke up.  I have a general rule about kids:  I hate them.  They annoy me to no end when I encounter them in the wild.  I run away from them like a level 5 mage stumbling across a full grown Adamantoise.  I avoid them like the plague if I see them in public.  Now I think perhaps I make such a fuss because I'm scared I'll never have any kids.  I'll certainly never be knocking any broads up; and right about now, there's no prospect of a partner with whom to rear a child.  I have a friend who in pre-dating stages, found out that the guy in interest wants a kid by the time he's 30, whether he's with someone or not.  Is it just me, or do you not tell people that?  I imagine a woman telling a man (she's never even met yet) that she wants a baby within three years, and I see him heading for the hills.  And with us it's different.  We can't just trick a guy into getting us pregnant if we're desperate.  We have to go through lengthy adoption processes (if you're even allowed to, depending on what state you're in) or deal with surrogacy.  Buying a bitch's baby is EXPENSIVE.  And then she can always back out until the little bastard is born.  I have friends who already have small children.  I can't imagine caring for a child at this stage of my life.  I admit that I really want to, but not for another ten years or so.  Until I feel like I'm in a better place in my life (and hopefully with a man who has Oprah money), I'll continue the charade that I abhor children.  Nasty little things.  Twat vomit and crotch fruit, the lot of them.

Raaaaaspberries!

My eyes have been opened to the true craziness that is Carol Channing.  I've always known who she is, but not really what her deal is.  The only thing you need to know is that she is a crazy old broad. 

I remember watching this old Alice and Wonderland from 1985 and LOVING it.  Sadly I can't find an embeddable version, so you have to click here for it:  Carol Channing's Jam Song.

And then there are some random gems that prove this old bitch (she's kind of like Bea Arthur, she was never young) always had it.  Just pay attention to her ridiculous voice, spastic and insance posturing, and wig skills.





Carol Channing as Marlene Dietrich

This Bitch Got Me Twisted

Oh, who is that cute latino boy?  JD Samson, that's an cute name for a jailbait looking boy.  Oh, that's a girl?  Well that just rocks my fucking world.  I had heard of JD's "wispy mustache," buut DAMN.  When I think of him as a boy, he's cute.  But when I think of him as a girl, I get a little pukey.  I mean, I'm all about trannies and doing whatever you want to do, but when I'm already having dirty feelings for him and find out she's just a hairy woman, it confuses me.

It's Come To My Attention

That this shit is hilarious.  Watch all the Chloe videos:

Chloe Sevigny

A Quick Poem

From the genius Elaine Carroll:

There once was a man named OJ,
Who got really angry one day.
So he got out his knife,
And killed his ex-wife,
And left behind some DNA.

Dangerous Wands

YES.

See more funny videos and funny pictures at CollegeHumor.

Very Mary Kate

I guess this is really old, but I just discovered it. This trick does a great version of how I would like to imagine Mary Kate is: Very Mary Kate. There are too many to post individually, so check out the site for her videos, but I'll post one below for a quick taste. I love how Ashley is supposed to be the sensible one, you know, because she does things like eat: "I have to go. I ordered a spring roll."


Very Mary-Kate: Moving Out from Mary-Kate Olsen on Vimeo.

Random RuPaul

With the wonderful Judy LaGrange:

Pity Party

Last night was the final of three shitty interactions in one week. They were sad reminders of a harsh reality I can't change, and I really felt like doing some crying. I have this problem where I can't just cry for myself. It started a few years ago, and I'm pretty sure I even know what triggered it. So I won't cry immediately when something terrible happens to me, but I will sob like a fucking baby while watching Disney movies. Something in me says it's okay to redirect it. I don't know how to fix this other than getting to that point and feeling it for myself. That's what I needed to do last night. It was late, so I didn't have the option of watching What Dreams May Come. I settled for the quick solution to bring the tears: the series finale of Six Feet Under. The last sequence gets me every time, and last night was no exception. I quickly burst into suffocating sobs. The kind of crying that literally hurt. Then I felt sorry for myself for a few minutes after that, trying to get it all out. I blew my nose for five minutes and went to bed. I felt so much better this morning and not nearly as melancholy. I've been in a pretty good mood today, in fact. I don't know about you chrome heartless bastards, but I recommend a good cry every now and then. Here's the last few minutes of 6FU, but if you don't already know what happens and plan on watching the show, skip it:

Gossip Sniz

Oh, Gossip Girl. How I love and hate you. I like to watch it and chat with my friend Brady about how awful it is. We have fun. So this shit show is back for a third season. There's not much to say other than everyone is in a heated competition for who can be The Worst. There can be only one (worst)!

Dan is still a douche. A gullible douche. And he needs a haircut STAT.

Chuck should have just died. Now he's fucking the actress who played Fleur Delacour in the Harry Potter movies. She bothers me. Mostly because I've seen her topless for some French movie. Not what I wanted to see.

The parents haven't had much of a chance to prove just how shitty they can be.

Nate is still pretty and just begging for a face full of cock.

Blair is still a cunt. Surprise.

Vanessa. Yuck. This gypsy bitch is still slumming around. GO BACK TO HAITI, BITCH. No one wants you here. At least she combed some of the dreads out. A bitch wears so much chunky jewelry, you can hear her coming from two blocks away.

Then there's Serena. Woof. First of all, she spent this latest episode dressed like a hooker extra from Night Court. See the above picture. That's really the only reason I wanted to write this post. Just. . . ugh. Just soak it in, and deal with that shit for a minute.

I apologize if you were expecting something more substantial here. My feelings can best be expressed by a still from an episode of Sex and the City: