Happy Valentime's

From one hooker to another.

It Started With A Dare

This is how it began:

Brady: ok

Brady: I dare you to post an outrageous craigslist

Brady: like that

Brady: For example.....

Brady: Headline: Looking for Older Bea Arthur type

me: i love it already

Brady: Golden Girls fetish. You be Dorthy and I'll be young Mario Lopez who doesn't want to go back to Mexico

Brady: You enter my paper in a local essay contest to have me deported because you are secretly molesting me

Brady: Must bring cheesecake to eat out of my ass while I scream YES PUSSY CAT

And this is the result:

My friend was even nice enough to provide the picture for the post. I'll also include the second place picture that didn't quite make the cut. It seemed to have posted, but I didn't receive any responses. Sadness :(

I think today we'll try a Harry Potter themed post.

A Present For Your Saturday

And I like this comment:

Sorry, this is NOT gay. As an expert on gay things:
A: Three gay guys do not share two shower heads unless they're serious
B: None of them are tanned enough
C: Their Speedos don't match
D: A drag queen would have choreographed the head-bobbing until it was TITE
E: There are no back-up dancers
F: No crotch close-ups

FINALLY

This bitch knows what I'm talking about

Happy Birthday!

Happy 41st Birthday, Jennifer Anniston! Here's to another sad, loveless year of your biological clock ticking away ominously.

Textual Intercourse

me: whoa. is that the zombie of brittany murphy?

brewster: god only knows

me: bitch was SO hungry she came back from the dead for a nibble

brewster: hahaha

brewster: she was a mess

brewster: clearly that girl didn't have a gay friend or he would have talked her out of that catastrophe

me: OR he was the one like "no, girl, you don't need to eat. you look like a fierce skeleton."

This Is Exactly What I'm Talking About!

No Babies

This is the picture that should be printed on all condom boxes:

Nazi Say What?

My G-Ma has all these mats in her house positioned around entryways. They are patterned in such a way that, when aligned correctly, they form swastikas. Every time I'm there and I notice one, I reposition them. I think her handyman/housekeeper must be putting them back. I think it's his passive way of saying "fuck you old lady, I have a PhD."

In Dreams

I had a dream I was in a dark alley and three guys were harassing another man. The other man was asking me to help him, but I had the feeling he was actually one of them and trying to lure me over, so I said I couldn't help him. Then he got scared, pulled out money and offered it to me to help. I ran away. Then the guys started chasing me, and I was convinced they were going to try to rape me. Then I found myself at some crazy event that I guess was a gay pride gathering. There were innumerable tents covered with colorful cloths, and I was flying among them talking to people. I stole purple glitter tic-tacs from some girl. Then I ended up in the kids' section, and there was a little boy dressed as Velma from Scooby Doo. There was also a boy smurf there in drag. He was dressed in a red sequins jumpsuit with matching pumps.