Golden Shower Girls

New Sienna D'enema video!

YES

This my jam!

Ready for Dick on Valentine's Day

Also from the best friend pile today comes a delightful paragraph about revenge. Earlier this year I had a date with a guy we'll call the Joker. I liked his smile, but the bff said he looked like the Joker. Old school giant grin Joker, not new school Heath Ledger jagged face. Nothing came of the date, and really I was just smitten because I was so attracted to him. He was a complete mess in every other aspect. I saw him last weekend, and he's not as cute as I thought he was. I generally like 'em skinny, but this bitch was a toothpick. He looked like Ethan Hawke with AIDS. Anyway, Brady asked me why I even thought I could date such a mess. I told him "I wanted to jizz all over his jokerface." This was his response:

You could still jizz on that fugly joker's face. We could lure him to an undisclosed location with promises of big cock and then get him naked, on his knees and blindfolded (ready for dick on Labor Day). Then BAM you pull off the blindfold and jizz right in his eye. Then he'll have to have an eye abortion to kill your baby.

EYE ABORTION. I love it. That phrase also works for when you wish to unsee something. Allow me to explain the hilarity that is being ready for dick. It comes from this fantastic video that I've shared before (that is worth watching at least once every day, as are all videos by this guy):




At about the 1:20 mark, Blanche says "giiiirls, ya'll ready to get dick on Valentine's Day?" So now we've worked that phrase into our everday lexicon. If I'm getting ready to go out and look cute, then I'm ready for dick on Valentine's Day. If I'm feeling snizzy and want to play with myself, I'm ready for dick on Valentine's Day. If I have a date and plan on making a move, I'm ready for dick on Valentine's Day. From there, the leap to other holidays was simple. Hence, ready for dick on Labor Day. You could also be ready for dick on Guy Fawkes Day, Boxing Day or Arbor Day.

Sweet Dreams

I had a dream last night that I was taking part in one of those Food Network sugar competitions. I just remember pulling a packed sugar figurine out of a mold along with my co-chef (a sassy black woman of course). It was a little less than a foot tall, and it was our prototype. We knew if it went well, we would be making many more. It was a sugar statuette of Bea Arthur, complete with shoulderpads, gown shape, and what would eventually be a sequins clutch purse. This bitch was ready for the big charity ball! Sidenote: damn, those old bitches were always going to charity balls. Imagine how many jersey sequins super-scoop-neck-to-the-knee tops and floor-length skirts those twats had. !!! I know, right? I remember thinking that it was shaped so well and all we had to do was airbrush it. The interesting part was that it must have been brown sugar. I guess we were making Black Bea Arthur. You know that exclamation (well, you nerds might) "Merlin's beard?" Well, I want to start saying "Bea Arthur's beard!" It's not "fetch," I'm going to make this happen.

Inspired

I am so furious with myself for being beaten to the punch on this one. Here is an Inception-themed Craigslist posting that is a true gem. The tangent about childhood abuse is masterful.



I can only hope that somewhere out there is an obscure blog, unbeknownst to me, that has referred to my previous work on Craigslist posts:

The Golden Girls

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles

Twilight

What Is the Opposite of Seduction? Repulsion?

I was too lazy to go back and check if I posted this already, but this is worth two posts if that's the case.

Oh Betty

A friend of mine is hilarious and a talented artist. Check out a new webcomic every Wednesday at http://www.butyourelikereallypretty.com/. Here's a sample of his work:

YES

Perfect.

Just. . . PERFECT.

A Stroke Of Genius, Part II

It Started With A Dare

This is how it began:

Brady: ok

Brady: I dare you to post an outrageous craigslist

Brady: like that

Brady: For example.....

Brady: Headline: Looking for Older Bea Arthur type

me: i love it already

Brady: Golden Girls fetish. You be Dorthy and I'll be young Mario Lopez who doesn't want to go back to Mexico

Brady: You enter my paper in a local essay contest to have me deported because you are secretly molesting me

Brady: Must bring cheesecake to eat out of my ass while I scream YES PUSSY CAT

And this is the result:

My friend was even nice enough to provide the picture for the post. I'll also include the second place picture that didn't quite make the cut. It seemed to have posted, but I didn't receive any responses. Sadness :(

I think today we'll try a Harry Potter themed post.