The Tale of Lizzy Long Nose

A Chicago friend sent me this Craigslist find:


LIZZY LONG NOSE! - m4m - 24
(SOUTH SIDE)

HOLA CHONGA.....U BE SAY YO' NAME IS LIZZY LONG NOSE. I BE SEE YOU HANGIN OUT AT THE JEWEL ON KEDZIE AVE EVERY FRIDAY NIGHT. YOU SAY YOU GO INSIDE AND STEAL TAMPONS AND PIZZA PUFFS, AND NOBODY EVER GONNA CATCH YOU. I SEE THAT LONG ASS NOSE OF YO'S ALL THE TIME, AND IT LOOKS LIKE A WITCH NOSE GIRL. WHY DONT YOU COME ON OVA HERE AND WIGGLE THAT LONG ASS LATINA NOSE IN MY FACE, AND I AM GONNA KICK YOU IN THE MOUTH!

Location: SOUTH SIDE
Posting ID 1828644308

That just cracks me the fuck up. It brings to mind a chola version of Elphaba from Wicked. Cholphaba. Yes, I spent a few minutes on the iPad Brushes application whipping her up. Maybe some day I can witness the beauty that is Lizzy Long Nose.

A Recommendation

I suppose this started because of Craigslist. Every now and then I find it amusing to check the local missed connections section. A few days ago, I found this gem:



Classy, right? From the tearing of the butt-cherry to shreds to the sweetening of the "nectar" with pineapple juice; this is a gem. And what's with the picture? The picture makes me think it's a joke, but really I don't think it is. Part of me wondered about this "Mitch" fellow, but the real issue was the podcast. What is ttodcast? Ever since Gay Pimpin' with Jonny McGovern ended, I've been in the market for a funny podcast. And a funny gay one would be perfect. I thought to myself this must be it. I checked it out and quickly learned that it is not in fact a gay podcast. But that's okay, because these kids are hilarious. The two hosts are film students at Columbia in Chicago. I've been listening to it often, and I'm loving it. They DO talk about a lot of dirty gay stuff, but from a straight perspective, which is interesting to me. And not a judgmental perspective, just different. I'm loving it, and I had to write to them to let them know about the CL post:

I live in Champaign and happened to notice the following post:
http://chambana.craigslist.org/mis/1875665420.html
Kind of creepy. But funny. And it led me to your podcast, so I guess whoever posted that is responsible for getting you more fans. So thank you, cock-hungry dude who posted on Craigslist.
-Me

I wasn't expecting any sort of response, but one of them was nice enough to write back:

Well we are glad to hear we have another fan. The mythological beast known only as "Mitch" has been spotted around the Champaign area, so it is no surprise those in that area crave his cock nectar. Feel free to email us or leave feedback in the iTunes store. As we continue to grow we will add new segments and such. Pass on the good word and keep an eye out for Mitch, he may save your life and take it away in the blink of an eye.

-TTodcast


Yeah, it turned into a plug for the show at the end; but damn, I would do the same thing. I can identify with the struggle to get exposure to one's work, so I even wrote a review at the iTunes store. Now I think you sluts should check it out. Subscribe, laugh your ass off, write a review, follow ttodcast on Facebook. Do it now. Kisses.

Another Good One

Oh there are some gems up on Craigslist right now!

At Least Someone Replied

It's nice to know I am appreciated.

I'm a Bad, Bad Man

Brady brought the following Craigslist ad to my attention:



Ugh. The description of that guy is the definition of a shitty faggot. I felt I had to respond:



I am a bad person.

Inspired

I am so furious with myself for being beaten to the punch on this one. Here is an Inception-themed Craigslist posting that is a true gem. The tangent about childhood abuse is masterful.



I can only hope that somewhere out there is an obscure blog, unbeknownst to me, that has referred to my previous work on Craigslist posts:

The Golden Girls

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles

Twilight

It Started With A Dare, Part Trois

It finally occurred to me what a great and funny scenario Twilight would be!

Now this isn't quite what I wanted to post, but I had some trouble trying to get the first one up, so it wouldn't let me repost the original. I had to tweak the wording, so it's not quite what I was going for, but acceptable nonetheless. Oh, and this is what the original picture was going to be:

But guess what? NO ONE replied! Not a single response. What the hell? "I want to suck your. . . cock" is great! Come on, son!

It Started With A Dare, Part Deux

This was my friend's entry today, and I think it's rather impressive.

I can take credit for finding the picture and the line about Master Splinter, thank you very much. He actually got several responses. One was from a "masseur" offering a free first massage because he wants to build his clientele. I think that one might have been fake. Then there was another kid who was interested, but didn't want to dress up or anything, so he was lame. Brady offered to let him be Casey Jones, but I think that's where it ended. Then there was the older man. He was cool with being Master Splinter. Seriously. He was totally down. It got so detailed, that we started to feel bad. He was really into it. Oh well, it was hilarious.

It Started With A Dare

This is how it began:

Brady: ok

Brady: I dare you to post an outrageous craigslist

Brady: like that

Brady: For example.....

Brady: Headline: Looking for Older Bea Arthur type

me: i love it already

Brady: Golden Girls fetish. You be Dorthy and I'll be young Mario Lopez who doesn't want to go back to Mexico

Brady: You enter my paper in a local essay contest to have me deported because you are secretly molesting me

Brady: Must bring cheesecake to eat out of my ass while I scream YES PUSSY CAT

And this is the result:

My friend was even nice enough to provide the picture for the post. I'll also include the second place picture that didn't quite make the cut. It seemed to have posted, but I didn't receive any responses. Sadness :(

I think today we'll try a Harry Potter themed post.