Vomitrocious

Lil' Moishe here wrote a book about conservatism. Woo-hoo. I feel I can safely say he's looking at a lifetime of unintentional abstinence and keeping kosher.

Googly Eyes

A few weeks ago in an episode of United States of Tara we saw one character's uneven titties from a botched augmentation. Check it out:






They make me want to do this:

Don't Don't Cry For Me

Don't you love when you forget something exists and then are reminded of it years later? I do. Check out the hot moves the big girl in this video busts out. I saw this about 7 years ago, and it's still hilarious. I want to befriend that Korean girl. At about the 1:30 mark she makes kind of a Gene Simmons face that will haunt you. Do yourself a favor and learn the Korean hand jive or whatever she does. And how about her final move? I wonder how old she is now and if she knows what an internet sensation she has become. I'd love her forever and do 80s dance moves with her and share my pudding.

Duuuuude

First of all:



And is this real?

That Reminds Me

In high school my friend Nick recommended an anime to me. He just told me it was violent and cool. I somehow obtained it. I think I had to order it from Amazon, but I got the VHS. I quickly realized just how graphic the movie was. Ever heard of tentacle sex? That's basically what the film revolved around. The plot was actually really interesting, but all the monsters with their ruthless multiple tentacle cocks are a bit much. The covers of the movies actually have "warning: absolutely not for children."

In one of the sequels, Nazis try to use a terrifying machine to summon a giant moster. What machine you ask? The death rape machine. Yes. Women get attached to crane arms with dildoes and such and get, well, raped to death. Anyway I just thought of the movie due to the whole Nazi and rape topic. Happy March!

I Was A Strange Child

I randomly found a folder of old creative writing stories I wrote for school back in the day. I was one fucked up kid. I wrote five separate stories based on the Candyman character. They were bloody and gruesome. Who does that? I'm surprised the teachers let me get away with it. If a kid did that today, he'd be sent to a psychiatrist for worry of a school shooting. I had another story about a little clown doll that came to life and terrorized a child. Clearly I had issues.

I can't find what was probably the most ridiculous story I wrote. In eighth grade we spent a lot of time learning about the Holocaust. As a Jew I already knew all about it of course. When I was really little, maybe six or seven, a teacher showed us the German flag and asked us what flag it was. I proudly raised my hand and answered, "the Nazi flag." Oops. The story I wrote was about a Jewy family sent to a concentration camp. The girls were being killed outright, so the young woman protagonist decided to masquerade as a boy. She cut her hair very short and would rub charcoal on her cheeks to give the impression of stubble. At night she used various rocks as weights to become more muscular. My teacher loved it.

I haven't written anything for a while, but I'd like to get back to it soon. You won't be surprised to learn that my last story was about a guy getting raped and murdered.

The Revolution Will Have Ramps

I got this response to a previous post, bringing up the injustice directed toward those with disabilities:

Anonymous said...
okay, let me tell you a story. I was posting my last comment and I got the part where is asks you to enter the word so it knows you aren't an auto-blog-poster-computer. I noticed the disability symbol next to the box and I thought, "why the fuck is there a wheely symbol right there, can disabled people not type in the correct word, like EVERYONE else?" So, of course, I had to press the button. What did it do? Crashed firefox. Fuck you disability symbol. I'm gunna shit in accessible shower at the gym tomorrow.
February 26, 2009 9:11 PM

You know what? Disabled people of the world and sympathizers, RISE UP! Er. . . WHEEL FORTH! You will not be second class citizens!

It's That Time Again

Time for funny porn titles!


Whoregasm

I Wanna Cum Inside Your Mom

Double Airbags

My Sister Loves Anal 2

Anal Teen Tryouts 19

Squirting With The Stars 2

My Cruel Sluts

Sex Trek

Holy Fuck It's Huge

Deep Black Ass 5

No Boys Just Toys

I Came In Your Mom

Latina Cum Bath

MILFs Lovin MILFs

Anal Conduct 4

Anal Addicts

Samurai Porn (!!! I'm definitely getting this one)

Your Mom's A Slut She Takes It In The Butt

Fisting Hot House - Mo Betta Butt

B-A-N-A-N-A-S

A good friend of mine recently blogged about the catcalls she receives when walking around her neighborhood. She wonders what the motivation is for the men who do that. I doubt they're all banking on the odds that some day one of the women they compliment will be a hardcore sex addict and fuck them on the spot. So why then? I tried to imagine myself in the men's situation. The closest thing I can come up with was a couple years ago during the Chicago gay pride parade. I was on a float with my friend Jay, and the whole time we flirted and made comments to guys we saw. I certainly didn't expect anything to come of it and of course nothing did. So why did I mime masturbating and fling my pretend semen at attractive young gentlemen while telling them "pretty mouth!"? It was fun. And funny. And like my friend says, it's flattering to a degree. I don't fakejizz on just anyone.

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Jenny Shimizu: Model, Dyke, Comedian

In case you forgot, Jenny Shimizu is as big a raging lesbian as ever. She appeared on the most recent episode of RuPaul's Drag Race and complimented Ongina on her name. "I love the name Ongina. I'm often on 'gina too." Ha! I haven't seen such a funny lesbian since Paula Poundvag, I mean Poundstone.

Also in RPDR news, it finally hit me after three episodes why they say it takes "charisma, uniqueness, nerve, and talent." C.U.N.T. I feel slow. Give me a helmet and put my ass on the little bus because I'm speshul today. C.U.N.T. kind of sounds like it should be the enemy organization in the next James Bond film. James will have to infiltrate the deepest recesses of C.U.N.T and climax with the submission of Selma Twat.