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DO IT FAGGOT, ADVENTURE TIME

Sleeping Ratchet

Music, Bitches

It occurs to me that I don't really use my iPod for music.  It's 99% podcasts these days.  When I do use it for music, there are three songs guaranteed to come up:

Damages Wikipedia Bloopers

I love when I notice that someone has posted absurd shit on Wikipedia and get evidence before they snatch it down.

 

 

TMI

Here's a little interaction with my gay best friend in town.

First he sent:

me:  Lol yeah no one needs to know that

me:  Is it [redacted, some sniz who had a history of shitting on his tricks during sex]?

bff: Boner defeated

bff:  BONER SMASH!

me:  Sniz used IBS.  It was highly effective! BFF's boner fainted

Sea Otters Still the Best

These cute little fuckers will never get old to me, so Black Tranny Moses bless the creators of Daily Otter. 

For goodness sake, THEY HOLD PAWS. There is nothing more adorable in the animal kingdom. If you aren't affected in some cutesy way while seeing otters hold paws, seek professional help, because there is obviously something horribly defective going on with you.

Wedding Tips from Shangela

I'm not sure how I missed this one.

Why Voldemort Is Gay

My friend is reading the Harry Potter books for the first time (I KNOW, it's shocking there's an adult who hasn't actually read them) and has been providing me with commentary. This is his reasoning for why Voldemort loves cock:

Here is my new HP conspiracy. Voldemort is a faggot.

We know he is obsessed with snakes and has a natural skill at "speaking their language".

The ministry of magic hates him and we have already established that they hate the gays by the way they treat Dumbledore and their botched job with lezzy Bertha Jorkins.

All of his Death Eaters (Cum Eaters) are men except for that one bitch who is clearly a fag hag with her tranny makeup and sassy attitude.

He tried to kill a baby. As we know faggots hate babies and babies hate fags.

Being skinny and smooth, he was a twink at school. This is why he hated Dumbledore, a gay man over 30, and Hagrid, a hairy bear.

Being a shitty faggot, he is an elitest.

In an attempt at living forever, he seriously fucked that face up, botched nose job and face lift. Now he is a bitter old, queen. Jealously he kills the younger, prettier Cedric Diggory.

He is obsessed with unicorns.