Sleeping Ratchet

Music, Bitches

It occurs to me that I don't really use my iPod for music.  It's 99% podcasts these days.  When I do use it for music, there are three songs guaranteed to come up:

Damages Wikipedia Bloopers

I love when I notice that someone has posted absurd shit on Wikipedia and get evidence before they snatch it down.

 

 

TMI

Here's a little interaction with my gay best friend in town.

First he sent:

me:  Lol yeah no one needs to know that

me:  Is it [redacted, some sniz who had a history of shitting on his tricks during sex]?

bff: Boner defeated

bff:  BONER SMASH!

me:  Sniz used IBS.  It was highly effective! BFF's boner fainted

Sea Otters Still the Best

These cute little fuckers will never get old to me, so Black Tranny Moses bless the creators of Daily Otter. 

For goodness sake, THEY HOLD PAWS. There is nothing more adorable in the animal kingdom. If you aren't affected in some cutesy way while seeing otters hold paws, seek professional help, because there is obviously something horribly defective going on with you.

Wedding Tips from Shangela

I'm not sure how I missed this one.

Why Voldemort Is Gay

My friend is reading the Harry Potter books for the first time (I KNOW, it's shocking there's an adult who hasn't actually read them) and has been providing me with commentary. This is his reasoning for why Voldemort loves cock:

Here is my new HP conspiracy. Voldemort is a faggot.

We know he is obsessed with snakes and has a natural skill at "speaking their language".

The ministry of magic hates him and we have already established that they hate the gays by the way they treat Dumbledore and their botched job with lezzy Bertha Jorkins.

All of his Death Eaters (Cum Eaters) are men except for that one bitch who is clearly a fag hag with her tranny makeup and sassy attitude.

He tried to kill a baby. As we know faggots hate babies and babies hate fags.

Being skinny and smooth, he was a twink at school. This is why he hated Dumbledore, a gay man over 30, and Hagrid, a hairy bear.

Being a shitty faggot, he is an elitest.

In an attempt at living forever, he seriously fucked that face up, botched nose job and face lift. Now he is a bitter old, queen. Jealously he kills the younger, prettier Cedric Diggory.

He is obsessed with unicorns.

Manila Luzon Fish Realness

 Manila has always been one of my favorite queens from Ru Paul's Drag Race. Bitch can lipsynch for haa life. This song is forgettable and generic, but the video is cute as hell. The Feast of Fun podcast praised it when she was on the show, then trashed it when Phi Phi O'Cumdump was on. They said her looks didn't form a cohesive collection. UM, that would never be a criticism for a real girl's video. So fuck you, Fausto and . . . what's his name? Mark? Or maybe worse, Marc? Anyway, you can tell this bitch's lipsynching is spot-on and her looks are delicious. So give it a chance and get into it.

Garbage Hooker Christeene

This is my kind of drag.  Filthy look?  Check.  Nasty lyrics?  Check.  Dirty and sexual videos?  Double check.  I can hardly handle the beauty, grace, and genius that is Christeene.  Keep an eye on this whore, because I'm sure there are more genderfuck revelations to come.  GET INTO IT.  Please take extra care to note the smeared lipstick, gold tooth, and missing press-on nails.  Crack whore round-the-way realness.

The Best of Draw Something

Can you guess?

Sargent Beverly

Yes, I spelled that right.  It's Sargent Beverly who spells it wrong.  This bitch is crazy.  I've known of her for a long time, but I'm not sure I've shared her wonders before.  Her videos are slightly annoying and repetitive, but when you get to the meat of it. . . oh girl.  She do behave like a possessed, cracked out Tazmanian devil.  Her look in this fitst video is my favorite.  The look in it has been described as "runaway slave in deep black face with a Frieda Kahlo joint eyebrow."  Just....get into it.


SARGENT BEVERLY - Little Black Gurl! by SargentBeverly

Haiku

Fuck is you who? Who

Is fuck you? You is who fuck?

Is you the fuck who?

Some Bitch Named Deltrese Royale

Trust that I did a very thorough search for all things Keisha Fabo yesterday, however I was surprised not to find anything comparing that bitch Deltrese to Latrice Royale of Ru Paul's Drag Race.  I decided to take matters into my owns hands this morning.  You're quite welcome.

Random Keisha Fabo

Since I have been obsessing over KF ever since she changed my eye last night, I've come across some pictures that I'd like to share. Obviously, the last one is my favorite.

Keisha Fabo, If You Don't Know, Now You Know

I CAN'T EVEN. . . GET INTO IT.

How To Read

"Shade came from reading."

Let's take it back a bit.  How would you like to hear a faggoty song by a queen from the House of Revlon about reading a bitch? 

I wish there were a YouTube of this, but sadly, it seems there isn't  Mecca Revlon: "How To Read."  Check it out here, but please also buy it on iTunes under Jonny McGovern's East Village Mixtape to support our sisters.

O Rly?

Edit: I just realized that this comes off as dirty, and I'd like to clarify that the proposed hour of time was for a coffee date.  You gutterslut cumgoblins.

Some men just don't know how to treat a lady.  Confidence is cute, arrogance is a boner assassin.  Don't make me slap a brick and read you to filth.  You really don't want me to go there.  I own a condo there.

"You can't serve sufficient face, girl"  how is that for six words?

Miss Cleo Can Read a Bitch

Well, it's been fun while it lasted, but you can all go home now.  This picture wins the internet.

Pinky the Wig

Quick! Somebody snatch it!

In Which We Discuss Rimming

Brady and I like to watch/mock The Vampire Diaries simultaneously and gossip about it.  We are also fans of the male figure.  Over the course of the show, Steven R. McQueen has gone from super twink to muscle twink, and I appreciate both forms.  It's like he's now a Super Saiyan version of himself. 

me:  I really want to make Jeremy spread and go to town

. . .

me:  I'd like him on his back with his knees by his head

Brady:  Yes, face and body wise he is fine.

. . .

Brady:  Oh back to Jeremy's ass. Unless it is super fine, it wouldn't inspire me to munch it.

Brady:  But I'd fuck him.

me:  It looks nicely shaped

Brady:  I enjoy when guys do mine and I'd do it for a bf but I'm not eating strange sniz unless it's just begging for it.

me:  Sometimes it does though.

me:  It says, eat me

me:  Toss me with a nice vinnaigrette and top me with parmesan

Brady:   Some do.

You like peanut butter, right?

And this is how I pay my bills.

My tattoo is a representation of when I lost my assginity.