A Little More Personal (Raw)

Yes, that is a Lindsay Lohan reference. Get over it. I've kind of been going through it this week. I wanted to write a little something about observations I've made, but it feels weird to write something serious. So I will be peppering in cock jokes and whatnot.

Monday was a bad day. The worst I've had in a while. Which in the grand scheme of things, actually speaks to how well things have been going; the last few months have been pretty good. There was just a little drama. It was based on a misunderstanding, and I tried to make myself clear, but it didn't seem to work. I apologized anyway for how I had inadvertently hurt someone's feelings, but I never got the apology I was hoping for. It's okay though. It's a bump in the road, and it wasn't worth any more fighting. Shit happens. We're fine now, but things like that really affect me. I didn't even notice it until a day in, but I was bumming for a hot minute. When I get in a mood, it's apparently reflected in my current choice of music.

On Monday I just couldn't listen to the music I normally do when I walk around with my iPod. I also realize now that I was walking with my head down. It was some sad clown shit. Here are a few choice songs:









And then there's the queen of sadness. I don't care who you are, if you don't listen to this song and want to cry robot tears from your hard drive, you're a serial killer. It makes me emotional every time I listen. Turn the volume up, slut. Hear it, and really feel it; and you might have the same experience. It will be unique to you, but go through it, honey. Maybe it was the time your pimp killed a fellow ho and you were left alone on the stroll. Bitch, I don't know you.



I started feeling better after clearing the air Tuesday, and then confirming the cool that night. I was still listening to some sad shit, but yesterday got better. I had moved on to more angsty music.





A friend of mine appropriately described this song as "very Buffy-at-the-Bronze:"






Before this week, my recent soundtrack for the walk to work has consisted of (don't judge me) a mix of songs from the musical episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Dr. Horrible's Sing-a-Long Blog, and Hairspray. This morning I was still on some classical strings music, but I was able to enjoy an upbeat song a little later. So I think I'm about back to normal. I'm just a sensitive bitch.

Here's the movie version that includes my girl Ricki Lake. Damn I used to watch the original Hairspray so much as a kid with my mom. It's her fault I'm. . . the way I am.

Because You Asked Me

Not really, but it's been a minute since you had some man-woman love. Please enjoy.

How Did They Do This So Quickly?

I'm sure you know all about the disgruntled Jet Blue employee who yelled over the intercom on a plane and then sashayed away in the most dramatic fashion he could. Of all the news stories I've seen about it, this is by far the best.



Don't these things take a long time to make? Even without voices, isn't Pixar working on shit like this for years? Of course only the Chinese could churn this out. I love it. What I'm not sure I love is the mincing half-naked boyfriend waiting at their apartment. Seriously? We don't know if fthis motherfucker has a boyfriend, or if he's even gay. His profession does not define his sexuality. Just kidding, of course it does. He might as well be professional cockjuggler. They're gay. They're ALL gay. They could have at least kept the stereotypes going and decorated his home. The inside of that place looked like a crack den.

Too Good

I happened to ask on my Twitter account (@FatCamp) on August 5 "how does bonnie hunt still have a show?" I just noticed that someone (@Imontheradio) replied @ me that she does not in fact have a show anymore. Apparently it is in reruns until September 10. And then "I take it by your question you're not a Bonnie Hunt fan." I had to go back and see what I actually wrote, because I had it in my head that I wrote something like "why the fuck is that no-talent cunt Bonnie Hunt still on the air?" What I did tweet was completely benign, but what I really want to know is how Stephanie Foo happened across my tweet. We either have some followers in common, or (what I'm convinced is more likely:) she for some searched all of Twitter for Bonnie Hunt. Why would someone do that?? It is mind-boggling. When you do that search, what are you hoping to find? The hot juicy gossip on all things Bonnie Hunt?

Oh hahaha. Well, after a minute's worth of research, I see that Ms. Foo is just a superfan of BH. There are several @Imontheradio tweets on BH's page. I kind of want to bait Foo now. I just need to come up with something AWFUL to say about Ms. Hunt and wait for the magic to happen.

Sweet Dreams

I had a dream last night that I was taking part in one of those Food Network sugar competitions. I just remember pulling a packed sugar figurine out of a mold along with my co-chef (a sassy black woman of course). It was a little less than a foot tall, and it was our prototype. We knew if it went well, we would be making many more. It was a sugar statuette of Bea Arthur, complete with shoulderpads, gown shape, and what would eventually be a sequins clutch purse. This bitch was ready for the big charity ball! Sidenote: damn, those old bitches were always going to charity balls. Imagine how many jersey sequins super-scoop-neck-to-the-knee tops and floor-length skirts those twats had. !!! I know, right? I remember thinking that it was shaped so well and all we had to do was airbrush it. The interesting part was that it must have been brown sugar. I guess we were making Black Bea Arthur. You know that exclamation (well, you nerds might) "Merlin's beard?" Well, I want to start saying "Bea Arthur's beard!" It's not "fetch," I'm going to make this happen.

Inspired

I am so furious with myself for being beaten to the punch on this one. Here is an Inception-themed Craigslist posting that is a true gem. The tangent about childhood abuse is masterful.



I can only hope that somewhere out there is an obscure blog, unbeknownst to me, that has referred to my previous work on Craigslist posts:

The Golden Girls

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles

Twilight

It Was Only a Matter of Time

I love the brothers (or whoever the hell they are) who do the Auto Tune the News videos, and they put a great spin on this guy's video. You know I love a good rape anthem!

Deep in the Heart of Texas

This is a rating system for your doodies. Which one are you?


Someone wrote "Mexicos sucks" on a bathroom was in Dallas, TX.


This is some little tree bit I noticed. You can guess why. This is about twice its actual size.

I was in Dallas the past couple days for work, and let me tell you IT SUCKED. Even people who live in Dallas hate it. First of all, it was 105 degrees the whole time, so I didn't even bother doing anything outside. My mega-meetings were fine, but I always have trouble during those. The portions that are novel to me are fine because they're at least interesting, but there's a lot of material that these people have to legally cover that I've heard thousands of times. They're very drawn out too. I'm very fidgety to begin with, and sitting in one spot for 8 hours trying to pay attention is difficult. For the parts where I'm not taking notes, I find that there's only one thing I can do to stay awake: doodle. I was constantly drawing in the margins in school, and it actually helps me stay focused and awake. The essential topic of my conference was irritable bowel syndrome with diarrhea. Yeah. IBS-d sounds super fun. I learned all kinds of things, like how to rate your shit in terms of consistency. And that scientists developing new drugs do fun and terrible things like get monkeys addicted to heroin to rate the addictive potential of investigational drugs that contain narcotics. Or that to study the effects of an IBS drug on mice, one has to perform mustard oil enemas on them. Hot stuff. I also learned that I really need to cut back my consumption of tylenol, or my liver is going to be FUCKED. Anyone have tips for dealing with arthritis pain? No? You mean the average person in his 20s doesn't have advice for self-treating acquired arthritis? Fine. Well, check out a couple doodles I banged out. One is my depiction of IBS, and the other side is just. . . I don't know. Just tell me you like it. Oh, I'm also including a couple random shots of things I encountered during my day and half in Texas.

iTunes Recommendations: You're Doing It Right

This could not be any more appropriate. I usually don't pay attention to the side bars on iTunes that recommend what music I should buy. When I do notice them, sometimes they are way off base, and I have to wonder how they came up with two completely unrelated artists. This recommendation is 100% accurate; but NO, I will not buy her shitty music,

Taste the Rainbow

I want to. This "Randy Rainbow" fellow is cute! But you already knew I like skinny, pale white guys. I've only watched a couple videos, but he's kind of funny, and I enjoy looking at him, so I thought I should share with you sluts. Oh, you can also browse his website here: The Randy Rainow Bloggity BlAHg-BLAHg.



UPDATE: He's Jewish! I knew it! Pardon me while I move to New York to stalk him, "accidentally" meet him, and make him fall in love with me.