Too Good

I happened to ask on my Twitter account (@FatCamp) on August 5 "how does bonnie hunt still have a show?" I just noticed that someone (@Imontheradio) replied @ me that she does not in fact have a show anymore. Apparently it is in reruns until September 10. And then "I take it by your question you're not a Bonnie Hunt fan." I had to go back and see what I actually wrote, because I had it in my head that I wrote something like "why the fuck is that no-talent cunt Bonnie Hunt still on the air?" What I did tweet was completely benign, but what I really want to know is how Stephanie Foo happened across my tweet. We either have some followers in common, or (what I'm convinced is more likely:) she for some searched all of Twitter for Bonnie Hunt. Why would someone do that?? It is mind-boggling. When you do that search, what are you hoping to find? The hot juicy gossip on all things Bonnie Hunt?

Oh hahaha. Well, after a minute's worth of research, I see that Ms. Foo is just a superfan of BH. There are several @Imontheradio tweets on BH's page. I kind of want to bait Foo now. I just need to come up with something AWFUL to say about Ms. Hunt and wait for the magic to happen.

Sweet Dreams

I had a dream last night that I was taking part in one of those Food Network sugar competitions. I just remember pulling a packed sugar figurine out of a mold along with my co-chef (a sassy black woman of course). It was a little less than a foot tall, and it was our prototype. We knew if it went well, we would be making many more. It was a sugar statuette of Bea Arthur, complete with shoulderpads, gown shape, and what would eventually be a sequins clutch purse. This bitch was ready for the big charity ball! Sidenote: damn, those old bitches were always going to charity balls. Imagine how many jersey sequins super-scoop-neck-to-the-knee tops and floor-length skirts those twats had. !!! I know, right? I remember thinking that it was shaped so well and all we had to do was airbrush it. The interesting part was that it must have been brown sugar. I guess we were making Black Bea Arthur. You know that exclamation (well, you nerds might) "Merlin's beard?" Well, I want to start saying "Bea Arthur's beard!" It's not "fetch," I'm going to make this happen.

Inspired

I am so furious with myself for being beaten to the punch on this one. Here is an Inception-themed Craigslist posting that is a true gem. The tangent about childhood abuse is masterful.



I can only hope that somewhere out there is an obscure blog, unbeknownst to me, that has referred to my previous work on Craigslist posts:

The Golden Girls

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles

Twilight

It Was Only a Matter of Time

I love the brothers (or whoever the hell they are) who do the Auto Tune the News videos, and they put a great spin on this guy's video. You know I love a good rape anthem!

Deep in the Heart of Texas

This is a rating system for your doodies. Which one are you?


Someone wrote "Mexicos sucks" on a bathroom was in Dallas, TX.


This is some little tree bit I noticed. You can guess why. This is about twice its actual size.

I was in Dallas the past couple days for work, and let me tell you IT SUCKED. Even people who live in Dallas hate it. First of all, it was 105 degrees the whole time, so I didn't even bother doing anything outside. My mega-meetings were fine, but I always have trouble during those. The portions that are novel to me are fine because they're at least interesting, but there's a lot of material that these people have to legally cover that I've heard thousands of times. They're very drawn out too. I'm very fidgety to begin with, and sitting in one spot for 8 hours trying to pay attention is difficult. For the parts where I'm not taking notes, I find that there's only one thing I can do to stay awake: doodle. I was constantly drawing in the margins in school, and it actually helps me stay focused and awake. The essential topic of my conference was irritable bowel syndrome with diarrhea. Yeah. IBS-d sounds super fun. I learned all kinds of things, like how to rate your shit in terms of consistency. And that scientists developing new drugs do fun and terrible things like get monkeys addicted to heroin to rate the addictive potential of investigational drugs that contain narcotics. Or that to study the effects of an IBS drug on mice, one has to perform mustard oil enemas on them. Hot stuff. I also learned that I really need to cut back my consumption of tylenol, or my liver is going to be FUCKED. Anyone have tips for dealing with arthritis pain? No? You mean the average person in his 20s doesn't have advice for self-treating acquired arthritis? Fine. Well, check out a couple doodles I banged out. One is my depiction of IBS, and the other side is just. . . I don't know. Just tell me you like it. Oh, I'm also including a couple random shots of things I encountered during my day and half in Texas.

iTunes Recommendations: You're Doing It Right

This could not be any more appropriate. I usually don't pay attention to the side bars on iTunes that recommend what music I should buy. When I do notice them, sometimes they are way off base, and I have to wonder how they came up with two completely unrelated artists. This recommendation is 100% accurate; but NO, I will not buy her shitty music,

Taste the Rainbow

I want to. This "Randy Rainbow" fellow is cute! But you already knew I like skinny, pale white guys. I've only watched a couple videos, but he's kind of funny, and I enjoy looking at him, so I thought I should share with you sluts. Oh, you can also browse his website here: The Randy Rainow Bloggity BlAHg-BLAHg.



UPDATE: He's Jewish! I knew it! Pardon me while I move to New York to stalk him, "accidentally" meet him, and make him fall in love with me.

Dear, Mr. Mayor

I can't believe I forgot to post this! I forgot how hot San Francisco's mayor Gavin Newsome is. Damn. He looks like Patrick Bateman. Mmmm crazy and sexy. I looked up a few pictures of him and saw one that was begging for Photoshop. While I don't have and photoshop skills, I have rudimentary Microsoft Paint skillz. Please enjoy. I did.

Maybe It's Maybelline

I forgot to mention something about my webcam adventures. I most definitely powdered my face beforehand. What? I didn't want to be too shiny. You really have to beat the face a lot in order not to look shiny. OH also a follow up. . . I took Brady's advice and didn't reveal anything, staying only long enough to snatch a guy off to a messenger service. Wow. That was some good shit. I was in such a terrible mood today, but after all that, I feel fantastic. I'm digging the one-on-one snizness.

So You Can Run and Tell That, Homeboy!

No explanation necessary: