Monday, December 22, 2008

It's Like I'm Walking On Sunshine

Awesome. The best part is what she says at the very end. . .

I'm Going to Sit at the Welcome Table One of These Days, Hallelujah!

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Note: The following occurred the week of 10-20-2008

My dad is dating this woman who's totally cool, and we get along great. On Monday she found out about some course that was offered through some odd self-help type "life center." I know, totally sounds like a cult. She didn't know much about it other than it was a class for people who want to understand more about addictions. She told me this Tuesday morning, and it started Tuesday evening. I wasn't really interested, but I couldn't think of a good excuse so I agreed to check it out. She warned me that it might mention God a few times, which is cool with me. She also said it was held in a church, but only because that way they were able to host the classes there for free, also not an issue for me. So I get there, enter, and feel relieved that I didn't burst into flames. The class is free, but you have to buy the workbook, which is $20. One of the guys running it told me I could pay the next week, so I figured I would just do that even though I had cash on me. Now the class meets once a week, men on Tuesdays, women some other day. There were maybe 10 people including the 2 facilitators. This totally hot guy sat next to me (this was his sescond time taking the class), but everyone else was middle-aged, bald, and all kinds of BUSTED. The older teacher introduces the "Genesis Process" as a way to deal with and overcome addictions and spiritual maladies. Including: gambling, drugs, alcohol, sex addiction, HOMOSEXUALITY, ETC. I was like "uh oh." Then I started wondering, "maybe this dude next to me is here to overcome his RAGING homosexual urges." He had a wedding band, and it WAS his second time through the course, so maybe he could easily be swayed to deviate! Anyway, I let the instructor do his thing and talk while I started skimming through the book to see what I'm in for. The intro of the book is all about how "we as Christians" blah blah blah, "let Jesus into your heart" yada yada yada. Shit. I read more, and it specifically mentions homosexuality as a "sin," "loss of control," and "coping behavior." A "symptom of an underlying problem." Fuck. there are tons of prompts and exercises like "What would Jesus say about this?" Or "read Romans 10 and respond in light of your own coping behavior." I was just about the only person who didn't bring a personal copy of the New Testament to refer to. My dad's gf was sorely misinformed. The book even mentioned "demonic influences." And there was pseudoscience bullshit that the author clearly had no real grasp on. It was some cult shit. I was thinking, "shit, bring on the cynide kool-aid!" After 10 minutes I knew it was NOT for me. But I tried to be polite and stay. But I kept seeing myself in my head closing the book and leaving. Finally after 45 minutes, I was like "fuck this." I laid the book on the table, grabbed my bag, and went to the exit without saying a word. I got to the door and thought "damn, it's cold." I realized that I had left my sweater in the room. My first instinct was to leave it and chalk it up to the price I had to pay to get the hell out of there, but it's one of my favorites and so cute! I pulled my phone out to pretend like I was doing something important with it and went back in the room. No one says anything, and no one's paying attention to me. Then I grab for the sweater from the back of the seat causing the chair to nearly tip over. Everyone's looking at me, so I wiggled my phone as if to blame it for the interruption, got the sweater, and whispered "sorry." Then I bolted out. I'm glad I didn't pay for the book, but I kind of wish I had so I could prove to people just how crazy it was. Anyway, as usual, there's no lack of ridiculous shit happening in my life.