Thursday, July 28, 2011

Textual Intercourse: Pregnant Monsters

KILL IT KILL IT KILL IT KILL IT


Mia: I'm so fucking tired

Me:  Diddle your clit.  Solves all problems

Mia: Already did.  BAM

Me:  LOL.  BAM.  Is that what you say when you finish?

Mia:  I ain't a talker

Me:  Except when you're done.

Me:  BAM

Mia:  I go WAHOOOO.  lol omg if I ever did that I would die

Here's a little addendum from emails:

Mia:  Go sleep in the waiting room surrounded by the girls getting aboboed.

Me:  I'll be like DON'T MIND ME, I'MA JUST CURL UP ON THIS COUCH LIKE THE FETUS YOU BOUT TO HAVE SNATCHED OOT

Me:  HAHA  I'm going to love hearing you bitch about your periods now!  OMG when you get knocked up eventually (by roofying Alex and stealing his seed [hahahaha gross terminology]) I want EVERY nasty detail.  Down to the mucus plug and preggo farts.

Mia:  ima just sneaksies a napsies.lol.


I'm going to tell you every gory detail. from inception to lochia. (look that shit up). Unfortch I'm totes gonna have to roofy Alex in order to get preggo. Yesterday I was all "what if you're infertile" and he's all "I could get u pregnant with one look" and I said "why aren't I pregnant then" and he said "Even the most powerful stare is blocked by birth control" and I said "what's your excuse for last month" and he was like "hrmph"
 
Me:  Are you SURE you want to get pregnant?  It destroys your insides and turns you into a disgusting monster (if you carry it to term).  OMG there!  Tell Alex he doesn't have to wrap it up, you can just get a bunch of abobos!  Problem solved.  You loved getting flooded with semen, and you love abortions!  WIN-WIN.