Thursday, December 25, 2008

Happy ChakaKhan-ukkah!

Photobucket
Scream it, black lady, scream! Happy holidays, assholes. I'm half Jewish and was raised so. Well sort of, in a half-assed way. To this day I don't know what religion my mother was reared in, if any. When I was little and I asked her, she told me she was Gentile. I thought it was a legit answer. That bitch played me! She probably thought it was pretty funny too. I don't think my Jewish relatives found it very funny when I reported that my mother was raised in the Gentile religion. Whatevs.

My Precious

Photobucket
I woke up early yesterday and decided to walk to work. Not my best idea. Lovely Midwest weather has left layers of ice on EVERYTHING. It took my twice as long as it should have to get to work, and I had to geisha-walk the whole way. Since it was warming up to above freezing, even at 7:00 a.m., there was water draining everywhere on top of the ice. It was so bad at one point, I literally had to cross running water. So bad in fact that if I had been protecting a precious ring forged in the darkest pits of Mordor, the ringwraiths chasing me wouldn't have been able to follow. Yes, I am a nerd. Dork. Dweeb. Geek. What? I'ma still cutcha, bitch! I think a picture of Ryan Seacrest is more than appropriate. He's kind of like a hobbit, right?