BitComet Best, Part Deux

I just spent way too much time looking through video titles to find these, but there are some good ones. I apologize for any repeats:

Milk Junkies

The Great American Squirt Off

Asian Babymakers

Japanese Office Sluts

Anal Chaos
(sounds messy)

Big Tits At Work

Fuck Me. . . I'm Fat
(kiss me, I'm Irish)

All Star Bodybuilders In Heat

Weapons of Ass Destruction 6

Bukkakepee

Ultimate Sex Party - Slut Bus

Scale Bustin Babes

Private British - Virgin Asses

Big Tits Boss - Mrs. Titty

Baby Got Boobs - Breakup Sex

Gay Frat - Backdoor Affair
("gay frat" = redundant)

The Best Lesbian Dreams

Anal Perversions

Masturbation Mayhem
(every night with me. sometimes twice)

Monster Cock Worship
(see above)

Female Ninja Rape - Ninjitsu Notebook

Sodomania 33

Gangbang My Face 3

No Cum Dodging Allowed
(I imagine the girls/guys who dodge it with Matrix-style bullet-time)

Mommy Loves Cock

Anal Assault
(sounds like a DJ name)

Up and Cummers

Caesar's Hard Hat Gangbang

Cougars In Heat

Milfalicious

Moms Gone Wild 2

She Is Half My Age 6

Horny Black Mothers and Daughters

Screw My Wife Please

I Fucked Your Wife Again
(I see one dude telling this to the other with a sheepish smile and a shoulder shrug)

Tiny Tit Squirters
(I don't know if they squirt from the tits or from the vag)

Spermaparty

The Big Swallow

Evil Anal 6
(this is my favorite, but I don't have a joke for it)

Mommy Loves Big Black Dicks
(also the title of a children's book to explain what little Jimmy walked in on)

Holy Fuck It's Huge 5

Anal Devastation
(Katrina-like anal annihilation)

Sex Trek - Where No Man Has Cum Before
(meaning a location or an object.orifice? I seriously doubt there is something man has yet to ejaculate upon)

Cockasian 2

Dark Meat, White Treat 5

Ass Cleavage

Your Mommy And Me

My Wife, Your Meat

Pussy Contest 3
(what's the criteria to win?)

Tit-Fuck Tryouts

Strap-On Sistas, White Boys Only
(I think I'm going to go back and download this. . . )

My First And Final Face-First Foray Into Furburger

I'd like to tell you a story. It's a magical tale about one young gay man's experimentation with the opposite sex.

That night I hung out with my older friend Rex. We took full advantage of $1 beer night at a bar near his condo. We sang along to an 80s cover band, and made fun of these three girls we always saw there: Fatty, Elvira, and Plain Jane. Their names pretty much sum up what we thought of them. Fatty was a crazy slut whom I eventually befriended (for one night) and found out she fucked half the guys at the bar and no one will talk to her anymore.

Anyway, we left the bar and went back to his place to continue the party. Rex told me he wanted to get laid, but I guess nothing worked with prospects at the bar. He said he should just have a hooker come over. I laughed and changed the subject. At one point he disappeared, and when I asked him what he was doing, he said he called a connection (a.k.a. madam) to send a girl over. I thought he was kidding. Cut to an hour later. He got a call that someone was at the door downstairs for him. That's when I realized he wasn't joking at all. We retrieved her from the entrance. She was an exotic-looking woman, perhaps 40 years old. I forget her name, so I'll just call her Slut. We chatted for a minute, and I kept thinking, "um, well what the hell am I supposed to do during all this. Awkward!" I figured I would just slip onto the rooftop landing and quietly chill for a while. Slut was Venezuelan or something ethnic like that. I found this extremely interesting in my state of intoxardation, so we started talking in Spanish. Five years of studying the language and a perfect score on the AP test culminated in my being able to make smalltalk with a prostitute.

Even though I wasn't to be involved, just the fact that I was there warranted Slut to ask for more than the $400 she received upon entering the condo. I made it clear I wasn't going to be doing anything, let alone watch. Slut saw the opportunity to ask for more money, and Rex said he would gladly give it to her, but he didn't have any more than what he gave her. Well that was a lie. For some reason he had about $10,000 cash from a recent commission. He got her to agree that what he already gave her was sufficient. They started making out and all that fun stuff. I was intrigued! I'd never seen straight sex in person, so I found it clinically interesting. Plus, Slut told me to stay! I guess she thought I was cute.

Rex removed her dress and panties (I hate that word, but it's funny) and lifted her onto a wide banister-like partition between his bed and hallway. Then the muffdiving began. Rex was doing it for a few minutes before he pulled his head up, looked over at me, and made a gesture to indicate I should try it. I don't know what made me do it. I didn't think much about it at the time. I'm pretty sure I thought it was rather funny, so I figured, "what the hell." Keep in mind, I had never done this before, and I had never had a close up look at the vag. So I didn't really know what I was doing, but I just emulated what Rex did, and what I've seen the few straight porns I've watched. I was pleasantly surprised to find a lack of foul odor and taste. That was really my only concern. It was clean, pink, and freshly scented, like Barbie's dream car. Oh, and shaved. I would have been really put off by an abundance of hair. She moaned and pinched her nipples, all the stuff she probably thought we wanted to see since she was being paid for it. I did not find it arousing at all. It was more like a task that I wanted to accomplish. After a while, she writhed, moaned some more, and um, ew, got a little. . . um, juicier? I took it that she climaxed.

After that we all moved to the bed, and they started fooling around with each other. I grabbed a boob here and there, but I wasn't really willing to do anything else. I left my underwear on and halfheartedly made a show of playing with myself, though it was clear to me that no arousal would happen for me in that region. I probably could have made myself, but I was focused on the wall or Slut's body because I didn't want to stare at my friend while he was banging her. It would have felt rude! Without a word, I slipped away to the bathroom for some mouthwash and waited it out.

When it was all over, I just couldn't believe I did it! But I really wanted to be able to say that I had tried it once, and it was obviously not for me. And it makes for a funny story. Slut left, and Rex and I laughed and talked about it. It was uncannily not awkward. He imitated me going down on her, and I had to find that hilarious. At some point before she left though, we exchanged phone numbers. For what purpose, I have no idea! She called me several times over the next couple months and left voicemails saying that she really wanted to see me again. I saved her number in my phone as "Slut."

So that's the story of how I went to town on a Venezuelan prostitute's ladyparts. It happened, it's over, and I have no desire to repeat it. At least now I can say I tried it, and apparently I was good at it. Hookers lie, but their axe wounds can't. I rock.