Tuesday, January 27, 2009

Bad Girls Cunty Club -_-

Oy. Graverobber Ailea cheated on her popop boyfriend with a guy she nicknamed Fadoodle. Apparently he said to her, "I've never looked at an Asian as much as I've looked at you." Ailea was flattered. She was too stupid to realize she should be offended, and he was too stupid to recognize his backhanded compliment for what it was.

There was a new bad girl--Ashley. She's pretty--if your type is strippers who will probably give you gonorrhea. She gets Joey from the Real World: Who Cares to go out with them one night, and she was all over him. Roommate Sarah condemns her for it even though she herself was straddling and grinding some random jackoff with a mohawk and admitted she really wanted to fuck him. Well well, isn't this just the pot calling the kettle a slut? Joey was the castmember who went to rehab during his season of RW, and he had a douchetooth earpiece in the whole night. I would LOVE to see these people's kids.

Just Because

Noooooooooooooo!



Here's a little something that happened over the weekend. I left the television on a certain channel, and I went to take care of something elsewhere for a while. When I returned I was horrified to find that The Oprah Winfrey Show was on! I tried to hit the power button, but I was so upset I had difficulty achieving the desired effect. I finally just ripped the power cord from it's source, half-expecting it to turn back on anyway, Poltergeist-style. I do not want to contribute to that heifer's ratings, and the last thing that bitch needs is more money or influence.
please don't eat me, oh great Oprah

Truth Bombs Drop On The City




Wow, it seems like something real actually happened on Monday's episode of The City. Whitney invited her coworker and self-proclaimed "social"(ite) Olivia to an art gallery opening. You know what, bitch? I can abbreviate words à la Buffy Summers as well--now you're a sosh. How do you like that? The CONVO leads to this:


Whitney: "Um, I have to warn you though, it's a little bit tense right now with everyone. There's all this drama going on about Adam supposedly cheating on Alli when the guys were out the other night, so everyone's gathering in the same place tonight--"

Soshface: "That's way too much information for me to be hearing. (Laughs) I don't want to hear any of this, but my best advice is to stay out of it. Whitney, you're an adult. You know this is very--"

"Yeah, well, I mean--"

"You're what? You're twenty-three years old? We're not, like, in high school."

"Yeah, I just needed someone to talk to about it, you know, but if you don't wanna hear it. . ."

"Well thank you for inviting me, yeah I would love to stop by for a drink if I can." (<-sounding super sweet)

"Yeah."

"Awesome."


I think that interaction meets the reality limit for the entire series, so that bitch Olivia better keep her mouth shut from now on if she knows what's good for her. Producers will cut that snatch out of the show faster than she can say "pretentch." Fifteen year-old girls want to think you're living a real Gossip Girl, so stick with the fantasy, honey. It's like when you're having a great time slapping around a prostitute, and she has to go and remind you that it's extra if you leave marks. Way to ruin the illusion! What, as if that's never happened to you? You're a filthy fucking liar.

Apropos Burka



Out of nowhere last night, a lyric from a Lil' Kim song came to mind. It's a line from her song "Drugs": "Freak it arabic style, sha-muck-daha-steesy." I never really wondered what she was saying, but my friend Sayeed who speaks Arabic enlightened me in college. What she really says is (sounds like, no clue how to spell it out) "sharmut, el has dizi" which means "bastard, lick my ass." She is so smart. Good for her, she knows how to be a nasty skeezer while breaking language barriers.

Phew



I grew up swimming with a guy called. . . Damian. He was kind of an ugly duckling and closet case for a lot of our childhood. Then when he turned 17 he all of the sudden got super hot. I got jealous because I did NOT want any competition. Luckily he had the handicap of hating himself, so he was emotionally unavailable. Around college he got over his self-loathing, and I was pleased to see his pictures on Facebook this morning. He's gotten over his emotional obstacles, but he's back to ugly duckling mode. I feel relieved. I feel like an asshole. I feel like my name says it all.