Tuesday, March 31, 2009

TheRapist for $500, Please



Okay just one more quick thing about Gossip Girl. Every time the character of Chuck Bass becomes somewhat humanized, I recall the incident in the first episode in which he practically raped little Jenny. I saw what you did there, Chuck Bass, and I just want you to know it's mildly offputting.

Our Tranny of Cheapness

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Gossip Twat




I won't torture you with a recap or anything, just a moment and a couple lines that stood out. Serena is out shopping with socialite friend Poppy Lifton [rolls eyes], who is clearly 35 years old. Poppy says "a girl like you should be on the arm of a designer of a costume ball one day, yachting around the Maldives the next. Not making up and breaking up with the same high school boy and feuding with your frenemy." I think that's really sound advice to a high school senior. Who needs school anyway? When you're a social, all you need is a raging eating disorder and a semi-functioning mouth and vagina, and the world is your oyster!

Face Tattoos Are Always A Good Idea



Lil Wayne looks like he got drunk and passed out and his friends drew on his face with tattoo ink. Look at that thing between his eyebrows. That's totally cock and balls. It would also seem that his "tears" are really jizz drops, especially since there's one coming from the corner of his mouth. Hey, Lil Wayne, your face got served.

Monday, March 30, 2009

Stale Pop Culture Reference, Anyone?

I found an old note to myself about a post I wanted to do but forgot. Here it is in all its dated glory!



Kelly Clarkson recently performed on Saturday Night Live. Is it just me, or does she look like she really needs a couple days in the Juicing Room? No, not the OJ Simpson Juicing Room. That would drain her fa sho, but it would be cutting off the nipple to spite the titty.

Homeless People, We Have Fun



Once upon a time I traveled with friend I grew up with to visit her sister in Oakland. By this point I had routine experiences with homeless people. At first I felt sympathy and always gave them change, then I disdained them as an annoyance, and then I stopped acknowledging them altogether. Then I visited an Oakland Walgreens at 2:00 a.m. after a night of partying with friends. It was there that it was impossible to ignore them. Two homeless men were asking for spare change outside the store. My friend Ashlee and I stayed outside while her sister shopped. One hobo was a thick black man, and the other was a skinny white guy. Both wore camouflage fatigues. They said they were war veterans. Maybe they were, or maybe it was a ploy to garner sympathy. The white guy said he would give us karate lessons for change, so I figured a funny story was worth 75 cents. He played around with some sad kicks and punches for a minute or two while we chuckled. Then the black guy stepped in. He said the key was to fight dirty. He told me always to "go for the nuts" in a brawl. "Okay," I thought, "it makes sense." Then he said he had a special move to teach me. He proceeded to mime the movements with me as the attacker. It started with a dick punch and ended with his hand around my throat. He didn't squeeze very hard, but he did let me know in a whisper "[I] could snap your neck like a chicken." I laughed, thanked him, and went on my way, never acknowledging just how close to death I might have been.


It's the opposite of my situation.

Shoot for the. . . Low-Level Clouds?







Are you unhappy with the mediocre state of your celebrity status? Do you want less? Are you looking to fade into obscurity? Fret no more! It seems the simple act of wearing a headband across your forehead is enough of a charm to jinx your career. Ugh, movie premieres are such a hassle, right? And even promoting a straight-to-DVD movie is a bitch. When you join the slow-paced world of foreheadbands, you'll be surviving on the occasional dive bar appearance and rare made-for-TV movie jobs you get based on years-old accomplishments.





Act now, and in no time at all you'll be free to focus on what's really important to you. You know, pushing third rate fashion merchandise, centering your world on a significant other who will quickly be more famous than you, mooching off said person, abusing all sorts of substances, and tipping off paparazzi for photo opportunities. Do it, you won't do it. DO IT, FAGGOT.



Thursday, March 26, 2009

Question



What is this?!? I accidentally changed to channel a few minutes ago to public access, and this is what I found. It wobbled when he moved his head. I can assume it's not life-threatening, otherwise it would have been removed by now. And it's not like he could miss it. Is it a goiter? I don't think so. It seems to be elephantitis of the earlobe. I hope to see him around town so I get the chance to ask.


I Wanna Text You Up

Photobucket

Sunny: Anyway, I miss seeing all the hot bodies at the pool... That was definitely the best perk of swimming.
Sunny: Until it meant having to look at M*****'s penis every Wednesday.
me: omg i know. i didn't appreciate it when i had it. i got too used to trying not to look on wednesdays
Sunny: The one penis I wish I saw more of is C*****'s... I don't know why but he just always had me curious
me: me too! i never got a great look, but i saw plenty of his tiny rectangular ass and i thoroughly enjoyed it
Sunny: I wish we could have gotten him to test drive the whole gay thing when he was on one of his "I'm drunk and think I'm really into men" phases
me: omg. for REAL. i had multiple opportunities and i froze up each time! you know he would have been all shamed after he got off though. i'd be okay with that
Sunny: Oh totally! I'd be soooooo ok with that! I think he would totally be a bottom btw...
me: oh yes, he definitely was in my fantasies. he's a squealing powerbottom with an endless anal cavity
Sunny: Definitely!!!!!!! I feel like he would be so intense and very facial about it...Sometimes I pictured M** doing it to him, LOL
me: i'm totally with you on that. remember when **** found a search for gay porn on his computer? we all should have tagteamed him.
Sunny: Hahahahaha... I forgot about that!!
me: i bet he's blowing old dudes at gloryholes in sketchy men's restrooms these days
Sunny: Omg - It would be amazing if we found out where he was doing that...
me: everywhere and anywhere i'm sure. he can probably sniff dick out like a bloodhound
Sunny: I still have a theory that he and M** did stuff together... Maybe not fucking but at least jerking each other off
me: or maybe just next to each other since they could justify that as not gay. C***** was so posessive of M**, there HAD to be something going on
Sunny: Yeah def next to each other at the very least... I used to think I saw C***** staring at people in the shower kind of like how I would--secretive and swift but long enough to get a good image to work with. Too bad I never saw him get a boner.
me: oooh i bet he loved it when R**** swam with us and showered nude
Sunny: R**** had an ok penis... Didn't you think?
me: yeah he just wasn't that cute in the face. i'd still bone him though. he had that anderson cooper premature gray hair going on.
Sunny: I think Anderson Cooper is smokin
me: pole? me too. i'd fist him fa sho. his pubes are probably waxed into the shape of darfur in sympathy
Sunny: I don't know why cuz I usually like them darker and a little younger.... But Anderson Cooper is the one reason I would ever watch the news
Sunny: Hahahahaha. Oh hey.... before I say anything... Did you watch I love money this week?
me: oh yes
Sunny: I was scared for your girl [Saaphyri] for a minute there!!!
me: i would have written a strongly worded letter to VH1
me: i can't believe new york dated tailor made. he's gross. he looks like he'd be sticky if you touched him. did she think he would make her rich or something?
Sunny: I think it was all about control.... She could whip him around as much as she wanted!
...
me: not that i haven't done much worse for much less, but come on. the nation wasn't witnessing me debase myself lolme: yeah but all his yelling got annoying. are you as scared of buckwild's face as i am? i thought she would vut the entertainer with that witchypoo nose!
me: her eyebrows are OOC
me: wow i just google image searched "hot speedo" with the image filter turned off. i highly recommend it

PETA = Lennie Small?





I found a cool website all about how hypocritical and full of shit PETA is.
PETA Kills Animals
I've always disagreed with their methods, but not necessarily all of their message. Here are a few fun facts, should you choose to believe the website's accusations, which I do:



  • Since 1998 a total of 21,339 dogs and cats have died at the hands of PETA workers.

  • Last year, PETA killed 2,124 pets and placed only seven in adoptive homes.

  • PETA’s president has said that “even if animal research resulted in a cure for AIDS, we would be against it.”


Dayyyymn. Suddenly the Trollsen twins don't seem to bad. You should really look at everything that website has. It's insane. I just don't get what their goals are. Some people must be making mad money from PETA. Why else would they spread a message of "peace" in such a messy, violent manner, yet not follow through on their tenets? It's a scheme. I see what you did there, PETA. If you "love" these animals so much more than humans, why don't you marry them? Oh wait, you can't because you loved them to death. Candy Finnigan would be so disappointed in you.



To be fair though, I myself never go anywhere without my euthanasia caboodle. It's not for animals though, oh no! I never know when I'll need to put an old person or a mouthy hooker to sleep.

Question



Whom did Drew Barrymore have to threaten to fuck in order to get a Covergirl contract?

Wednesday, March 25, 2009

Twatlight


(Funny, a few days ago I looked through pictures from the set of New Moon and noticed all the actors smoking. I thought I'd make a collage to put up here, but it looks like someone did it for me!)

I'm sorry to say I watched Twilight yesterday. My assessment after watching was, "um. . . I thought the score was acceptable at some points." It was kind of boring, and it offered no reason to care about the characters. In fact, I wanted them all to die of gonorrhea and rot in hell. And just like the book, Bella and Edward fall in love in roughly 2.5 minutes and care for each other for no apparent reason. Just think, this fall you can treat yourself to a couple more hours of that bullshit, but WITH DAKOTA FANNING!

[WHOA. Side note. I thought it would be funny to insert a video here of the Dakota Fanning Show skit from SNL. I searched for it on YouTube and found many slide shows of Dakota Fanning set to Shitney Spears' "If U Seek Amy." What the fuck?!? This shit is wrong. I'm sticking with Hulu from now on.]











Kristen Stewart is really good at "playing" an aloof, ungrateful, melodramatic, and self-centered bitch.



I have to admit I found Robert Pattinson quite attractive. His American accent made him sound like every black comedian's impression of a white person, but it strangely made him endearing. It was nice to see him not looking hobo chic for once. I suppose I wouldn't mind being in a vampire/werewolf orgy (oops, Jacob's a werewolf in case you couldn't tell from the heavy-handed foreshadowing for dummies). Minus the black one. What? I just didn't find him as cute as the other lighter skinned, not-of-African-heritage actors.





In conclusion, it sucked balls in a bad way, with the hot guys serving as the only redeeming factor. Oh and I just started reading the second book. . .

Aw Shit All Over Ya Face, Kid


I don't know what triggered this, but I spent a good five minutes today thinking about a nasty story from a while ago. Back in the day my old swim team trained in the morning at an outdoor pool during the summer. The pool was closed one morning when we arrived, but none of the staff would tell us why. I later got the scoop from a friend who was lifeguarding at the time. You see, the majority of people who show up at 5:30 a.m. to do laps are OLD. It seems one such old lady was enjoying a refreshing swim in the brisk water when, oh no!, her colostomy bag broke! She must have been eating overtime at a salmonella buffet the night before, because apparently, there was a shit trail of her frantic movements. The bag of mostly liquid shit busted while she was swimming, so the woman raced to the ladder at the side of the pool. Her shit trail then led to the ladies' locker room where she made it to a toilet. Oh but the fun doesn't stop there. She managed to fuck this toilet's world up and move to another stall. She somehow got everything under control and hightailed it the fuck out of there, leaving enough DNA to make an army of old, dirty, shameful broads. Thankfully the staff didn't let us swim that morning, but it wouldn't have surprised me if they had.



Ah, shitting in pools brings back such memories! When I was very young, my parents put me and my brother in day care for a while. It was through the local YMCA, and I don't remember much of it. But I do remember one fateful day. They made us play every now and then, and this particular day I really had to shit. I don't know why I didn't just say so! I just clung to the ladder with one hand and pulled my speedo (yes, speedo) aside with my other while I kept an out for anyone looking at me suspiciously. I let a few turds go, and I felt much better. I just swam away and acted like nothing happened. I don't remember actually seeing them in the pool, but I remember the fallout. No one would admit to doing it, and in my head I was kind of able to trick myself into believing I was innocent! You know how children and OJ Simpson can do that? Our punishment was way harsh, Ty. We weren't allowed to watch The Chipmunks cartoon that day! I lived for that shit. Well, the Chipettes, really, because they song hot 80s songs. And I liked the nerdy bitch with the glasses.

Going to hundreds of swim meets as a kid can get really boring at times. When we wanted to liven things up and perhaps buy some time between events, we'd make sure facility staff noticed turds in the pool. Not real turds, but usually food in bar form. Powerbars looked alright from far away, but you needed a Baby Ruth or a Mounds to really sell it.

The Latke Doesn't Fall Far From The Tree

I didn't see this until just now, but I love it.

Monday, March 23, 2009

Monkey See, Monkey Hairdo



What the fuck? I was watching a trashy show today that I won't name, and Selma Blair was a guest star. I noticed she had the hairline of a chimpanzee. The shitty picture above is from the episode. I thought that a stylist, publicist, or even a hobo would have mentioned it to her by now, so she could fix it. I don't watch Kath & Kim, but she has bangs in it, right? They are but a band-aid on a gaping, gangrenous wound. Examine the evidence below and let's figure out a way to get this poor bitch to an Indian hairline threader STAT. If Tyra Banks can get undiscovered "models" to fix their hairlines, I think Selma Motherfucking Blair can do it too.







Tough Love



Have you seen this shit on VH1? First of all, I'm not sure what to think of the host. This Steve Ward matchmaking douche prides himself on his rules of dating, providing a man's perspective in the form of condescending rants. Fine, I'm cool with that. Some of these bitches in the cast need to be scolded. Or scalded. . . with acid. Can we just do both? So far, the show has mostly consisted of him giving advice on how not to scare off a guy within the first few meetings. It's mostly common sense, but we all know there are plenty of people out there who lack it. I can't tell if Steve is fuckable or not. Eh who am I kidding? I'd bounce on it, but he looks like the kind of guy you hate until he's inside you.





On to the ridiculous cast. Wow, the VH1 page for it has some amazing bios! Here are some excerpts from Token black girl Abiola's (yes, oh so close to areola). I swear I'm not making this up:


Her bright smile and infectious laughter conceal a deep-rooted fear that she will never find someone to share the beautiful moments in life with. She has been contemplating buying another cat, which her friends have strongly advised her against, stating she's on a slippery slope to becoming the lonely old cat lady.
. . .
After watching the Presidential election results alone and celebrating with a cake made for 1, Abiola realized that there was a need for CHANGE in her personal life, as well as that of our country's!

Ouch! She's actually pretty likable on the show, though a bit clingy.







Then there's Arian. Firstly, STOP NAMING CHILDREN VARIATIONS OF "ARYAN." It's not hip. It's not cool. In fact, it beings to mind white supremacy and MILLIONS of murdered people. I don't care if it means "very holy one" in Greek or some shit or that in 1978 886 girls were named Arian. That's 886 sad little girls with ignorant bitches for mothers. It doesn't matter what the original meaning was, it's the context. Okay, the point is Arian (sigh) is kind of a slut. She says she "was" a stripper, but she basically still is. Are you thinking what I'm thinking? Daddy issues!

Arian grew up seeking approval from her father, but rarely got it. She emphatically believes that there is no man on the face of the earth that could be faithful to one woman for his entire life. When she meets men that she thinks she could potentially fall in love with, she purposely tries to repulse them. She has a "two week rule" for men. After a couple of weeks of partying, she kicks them to the curb and cuts off all communication.

Okay, I can deal with her bullshit, but she lists Twilight as her favorite book. Fuck you. If your favorite book is The Da Vinci Code, fuck you too (except for you, MP Sunshine, I'll let you pass. For now).






Jessa. Wow. Her problem is obsession. She's the one most likely to boil a dude's rabbit.
Most recently, she was dumped for taking pictures of her overnight guest while he was sleeping and then texting him the midnight photo shoot the next day. Damn. She probably stole some pubes and kept a turd he dropped in the toilet so she could make a miniature of him. And love it forever.









Jody is the oldest of the group, and she's cool enough, but she only ever talks about her work. Regarding her career, she's driven, focused, and goal-oriented. That's great, but it won't get her dick. Actually, I don't think she meant to be on this show. She was looking for carrots, wandered over while grazing, and thought it was "Trough Love."






Natasha is super boring. Next.







Stasha is out of control. She's Serbian, and won't shut the fuck up about how she was in Playboy. She was a three-time Playmate of the year. In Croatia. Croatia. I don't know how it works for women over there, so I don't know what her competition was like. I might be impressed if a guy got some title like that, because those countries over there produce some fine ass men for gay porn. But Stasha? I get the feeling she used to be like one of those drugged out skanks in Hostel who lure men into underground killing clubs. On the show she claims to be 33. Her VH1 profile says she's 28. She looks more like 45. I really hope she not 28 or even 33. That would be sad. I guess she could be that young, but she just looks used. Like she gets fucked a lot. Her MySpace page is great! Lots of slutty pictures and whatnot. It's a little creepy that we share so many of the same interests though. But seriously, what is the deal with her pictures? Even the bio picture on the VH1 website has her looking all busted. Can't they photoshop that shit?





There have been a few cat fights, but nothing really good yet. I'm hoping some of these twats will duke it out. The problem with the show is that it's not set up as a competition. All it needs is to kick off the bitch who's making the least progress at the end of every show, and you'll have bitches fighting all the time! Come on, Steve. Get it together.

Sunday, March 22, 2009

Banana Boat



Brother: I can't wait for belly shirts to be cool on men.


Me: You missed the boat on that one. You would have to be a circa 1990 faggot.


Brother: So all I need to do is become gay and go back in time?


Me: It's a tall order.





Oh, and just because American Apparel sells them, doesn't mean it's cool.

Thursday, March 19, 2009

I Feel Your Pain



A picture has surfaced of Joe Jonas pulling his eyes in alleged imitation of Asians, much like the picture of that 45-year-old-looking skankster Miley Cyrus. A lot of people are pissed off and calling him racist, but I have the inside scoop. I'll have you know that he isn't making fun of anyone in that picture! He was simply wiping away his eye makeup that was running due to his ladycrying. You try getting double-stuffed in the ass by your brothers without shedding at least a few tears.

Wednesday, March 18, 2009

Can You Say "Puta?"



Hey, kids! We at Mattel are proud to present the new Tween Dora! She's grown up with you, and she has a whole new life. Moving to the big city sure hasn't been easy on our Dora. Seven months after her adventure in the back alley of a liquor store, she gave birth to a little explorer of her very own! The trouble is, food stamps and state health care only go so far in feeding and caring for her fetal alcohol syndrome baby. Dora dances on the weekends at the Clammy Crevice, but she spends all week exploring the city and getting into sticky situations while pursuing her own adventurous hobbies. Tune in, and watch her chase the dragon! And make sure to buy her posable doll (includes syringe, needles, glass pipe, one shoe, premature Pepito baby doll, and washable marker for drawing bruises) because Dora's got an insatiable addiction to feed!

Tuesday, March 17, 2009

Rotten Ass Zombie Face Pussy Lips of Love






This morning I saw the VH1 Blog entry for the cast of the upcoming show Daisy of Love starring the mentally disabled lazy eyed surgically augmented muppet Daisy De La Hoya. Douchewrap supreme 12 Pack is back d,f/g jdweiubvn b.cvop
Oops, I nodded off for a moment. Allow me to focus on the sickly triplets who are clearly on the hunt for pussy. I thought they were all the same person, but apparently they aren't. They look like that faggy singer from Tokio Hotel. I'm looking forward to their interactions with the rest of the cast. I know the other guys are going to be receptive to tips on painting their nails, wearing an oversized scarf properly, and accomodating the Great American Challenge yet maintaining a tight butthole (read: impossible. The triplets can probably all fit inside each other like Russian nesting dolls).



Look, do what you want to do, dress how you like, but I'm still going to make fun of you. These queermos are so gay that they know how to spell fuchsia.



I'd definitely be interested in watching them get it on with each other. Or maybe just some ass-to-ass-to-ass triple-headed dildo action. Is it incest if they don't touch? What the fuck is wrong with me?

This Bitch's Cake Is A Lie




Here's a quote from Milf of Real Chance of Love about what she does for a living:
"Now, basically, I have a website where I talk people through training and getting ready for fitness. I’m also about to do another photo shoot."
Um, check out her "fitness website," and let me know if it'll help you get in shape for a marathon.....
Here it is.


Maybe a dicksucking marathon or a double-vaginal double-anal marathon. If you're looking to snatch the record for world's biggest gangbang, talk to that bitch. Or if you're just looking for live video chat.

Sunday, March 15, 2009

"Your Poison Womb Is Making Heaven Too Fucking Crowded"


I just discovered a prank section of a funny website.

Zack Parsons is clearly a genius and master wordsmith. His sense of humor is right up my alley and is making my panties wet.

First read the source. It's long but well worth it.

Then check out his chat with a deadbabymama.

Rock of Slut Bus: Fuck Cereal



At the beginning of today's ROLB episode, Taya told Beverly that she should carry around a tacky purple pillow because it accents the tacky purple weave she has in her hair. The voice of reason Ashley chimed in with "This is the most boring conversation I've ever had. I'd rather just sit here in silence." If I were into manly chicks, I'd be into her. I'd give her the ole clit tickle.

Bret, or rather the producers, brought Heather, Ambre, and the contestants' exes in for this episode. Beverly's ex-husband declined to participate, thus proving he's deserving of at least a little respect.

Taya's ex Jaz (yeah, with a name like that, is he in the "industry" as well?) was protective of her, even saying to Ambre "Where's the dishonesty and distrust in what I'm saying? With your stapled-ass extensions on your head." Ambre then did her best impression of a blow up doll in shock that someone would make such a claim.

Oh and then Brittanya punched and spat at Heather. That was nice to watch. I just wish she had better aim. I guess she doesn't have much practice spitting.

Ashley knows she's in some shit, because her "ex" is there telling everyone with a pulse that "nobody could pull my shit." What does that even mean? He's her babydaddy, and it turns out they still live together. Ashley said their relationship ended a long time ago, but James said "We fuck all the time." Aaaand Trashley has a tattoo on her left titty of the name James and told everyone it was her son's name. I don't know her crotchfruit's name, so maybe it's also James, but apparently babydaddy has her name tattooed on his crusty body.

My favorite girl was in a pinch, and she said she was having fun until her bff Farrah left. Clearly she wasn't there for Bret. But really, who is? Who sees him on television or wherever and thinks "what a beautiful soul"? They just think maybe they can win and bounce on it without vomiting long enough to quit stripping for a little while and get your baby taken care of for a minute. Unfortunately bitch had to go. The show will be lame like people who eat basil from now on. The Blondetourage has fallen!

Her parting words were amazing: "Bret got rid of [Farrah], and I had to be stuck with these girls who made me wanna kill myself. Seriously. They talked about cereal for three hours yesterday. Are you kidding me? Good luck having fun with Gopher and the 1986 prom queen."

I can't find her MySpace page, but I'll keep trying. I could only find a couple fan-created pages. I tried to burst their bubbles and inform them that she gets kicked off today, but I'd have to befriend them first, so no thanks. I think we can all agree that she needs a spinoff. It can document her rise from lowly stripper to. . . um. . . stripper/prostitute? Or stripper/prostitute/comedienne?

Thursday, March 12, 2009

DO NOT WANT!

There's a line in Britney Spears' latest single "If U Seek Amy" that goes "all of the boys and all of the girls are begging to if you seek Amy." This is delusion speaking, no? Do people still want to fuck Britney Spears? I mean besides chubbychasers and nutfuckers (those who are into crazies). Eight years ago it was totally acceptable for a guy to list her as most boneable, but today? You'd get laughed right out of your frat with your pink popped collared polo shirts flying after you. Even now that she's "sexy" again. Is it because she can never deny this?



If you bounced on it today, you'd still be reminded that she's batshit crazy and looked like Uncle Fester. Oh, and her favorite breakfast is cheese grits with "sprinkle cheese." That last part is enough for me.

I knew a guy in high school who made sure everyone knew that he knew it was Britney Spears' 18th birthday. Because, ya know, she was now a consenting adult for crazy circus weasel sex. The problem was that he was a flaming faggot. I'm talking hotter than the sun. He would open his mouth, and Judy Garland would fall out as he'd proclaim his lust for the Orange One. I think he's still putting on the ruse. Although I did get an IM from him a couple years ago offering to have sex with me as a response to my away message. I think he was drunk. I hope so. Either way, he's never gonna get it, never gonna get it. Never gonna get it, never gonna get it. Never gonna get it, never gonna get it. Never gonna get it. Never get it.

Tyra Banks, Fierce Murderess



I managed to make it through America's Next Top Model last night without vomiting, and I'm quite proud. Aminat (who by the way had an afro weave that when removed left her head looking like she had both cancer and mange) introduced a nifty little catchphrase: "Keep it cute, or put it on mute." I had to watch the rest of the episode with no sound. Tyra was criticizing someone at the judging and said, "It's almost like you've never heard the phrase 'smile with your eyes.' " GASP! Translation: WELCOME TO THE THUNDERDOME! I really thought it was go time. Everyone knows she expects contestants to do their ANTM homework and memorize every word she's said on the show! Why the fuck do you think the "models" are there?!? To highlight Tyra of course! I thought she was about to pop a vein in her tenhead and smother a bitch. "I have NEVER in my life killed a girl this way! I was rooting for you, we were all rooting for you! How dare you! Learn something from this!"

You know what I learned? Tyra Banks has beaten a fierce horse to death, and must be wishing for a deranged person to extinguish her miserable existence, thus immortalizing her.