Sunday, February 8, 2009

The More You Know



After a little looking around, I found out what a "hybrid pussy" is. On the BangBros website, one can browse through the girls according to physical attributes. The options for pussy are innie, outie, and hybrid. I'm guessing this refers to the positioning of the labia. Innie would mean not being able to see the inner labia at all. Outie must mean having mad beefdrapes flapping out of the outer labia. Hybrid should be a happy medium.

That reminds me of three really close female friends I lived with my freshman year of university. They were like Goldilocks and The Three Baginas. They showed me their vaginas all the time. One kind of looked like it was trying to swallow itself, or it had just eaten something sour; one was a definite outie; and the last was just right.

What Is A Hybrid Snatch?


(More evidence for Team MANtasha: an apparent happy trail.)

It only took about two minutes of browsing a porn website, and I found Natasha, or "Scarlett Mei Dior." Tacky name, slut. I wonder if she even got to choose it though. You can see her in action here:
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Please allow me to share her profile with you:


Profile for: Scarlett Mei Dior
About her:
Name: Scarlett Mei Dior
Body type: Athletic
Pussy hair: Bald/shaven
Ethnicity: Black
Hair color: Dark
Tit type: Enhanced
Pussy type: Hybrid
Ass: Medium Ass
Tit size: Medium Tits


Summary
Scarlett Mei Dior is beautiful, and very well spoken. High cheekbones, sensuous eyes, and a pretty smile characterize Scarlett’s facial features. Scarlett was featured on a reality television show, and now she is ready for the biz. She has a toned body showcasing strong flat abs, a firm ass, and a pretty pussy with a clit piercing. In addition to all her other physical attributes, Scarlett has a nice set a boobs. Although a bit shy in front of the camera, when Scarlett relaxes, the sexual tigress emerges to entertain all with erotic magic.


Oooooookay, I have a few issues so far:

1) What the fuck is a hybrid pussy?!? Does it get really good mileage? Is it better for the environment? Is it rather quiet compared to other inefficient pussies? Is it pretentious?
2) "Erotic magic?" Is she pulling a rabbit out of her hybrid pussy?


The title of her video is "An Ohio Handjob." Here's the blurb for it:

"Overlooking a beautiful Miami view Scarlett is a pleasant distraction. Why pay any mind to the landscape when she's your date? She's slim and sexy as hell. I'm a sucker for smiles and she's got a big one. You really need to see her naked. It's quite the site to see her take off her clothes. She has nice tits and the flattest stomach. Some girls can give a hand job, and some girls can give a "HAND JOB". She's the latter. She uses all her assets. Pun intended. "

Oh, and the options for "pussy hair" are bald/shaven, big bush, and landing strip. One of the options for body type is "BBW." I do believe that stands for "big black woman."

I need to get a job freelance writing for the people who run these kind of websites. I could shit out more interesting copy, and at least it would be grammatically correct.

My Cock of Love Must Bust



Time for the weekly skankfest. It looks like I just can't get away from the trannies. The episode opens with girls making comments about how manly Natasha and her man voice are. Bret brings out three "frumpy" girls for his current bitches to give makeovers. It's very She's All That, since it's obvious the girls are kind of pretty but dressed down. Natasha lets us know "I have an advantage in this challenge. I know what I'm doing. . . I'm obviously the queen of extreme makeovers." Is she letting the cat out of the bag? Or rather the cock out of the panties?

Bret announced that he is also a fan of natural breasts, and Farrah rolled her eyes. Her tits are offensive. My philosophy is if just one of your boobs is bigger than your head, you should have a matching gut. Farrah went on to say about a makeover contestant, "she's lookin' like a recovering heroin addict that was dressed up by a couple experimental monkeys." So you're saying she looked like any scrawny, pale-faced snatch walking for fashion shows?

Natasha had this to say about contestant Jennifer: "She dresses like a tacky crossdresser." I guess she would know, dressing like a tacky transsexual herself.

Our favorite girl Ashley mentioned that new girl Tammy "looks like Rosie O'Donnell if Rosie O'Donnell decided to wear make-up." She's quite astute. Later she spoke with Bret about Mr. Natasha: "I think, honestly what I really think is that she's a dude." She said at first it was a joke, but Natasha is weird, has a deeper voice than Bret, and wears tutus all the time because it hides her bulge. "I mean, have you ever seen her wear jeans? Hello! She's totally a man, and her real birth name was Nathaniel." Bless you black heart, sweety.

Old man Nasty decided to bring the new girls with him on tour: Jamie, Jennifer, and Kami; or, Sleepy, Snoozy, and Lunesta.

To wrap it up, Ashley spent the night with Bret, and Farrah said, "I'm not jealous of Ashley. I just wish I could have been there to participate or at least held the video camera for future fun times alone." *shudder*

Mantasha got the boot, and supposedly not because of her Adam's apple and prominent bulge. You can probably catch her every other Tuesday at Trannyshack. She's not classy enough to do something like the Baton Show Lounge. I just know her schtick is cutting herself on stage and pulling five yards of barbed wire analbeads from her ass to an Amy Grant song. No joke, they do shit like that at Trannyshack. Check it out if you're in the Bay Area! More on trannies later. . . RuPaul's Drag Race is fantastic, and I'll let you know all about it.



WHOA. Breaking news. Kind of. To me at least. I just spooked (nice usage, eh?) a comment on VH1's page about Natasha:

"mick Says:February 6th, 2009 at 2:05 am
she is in porn bangbros, check her out inTugjobs update: “An Ohio Hand Job” "



I must find out if this is true!