A Ballad About Female Genital Mutilation

This is something I started a long time ago, but never got far into until tonight.
*thanks go to CK for the title and 1st half of the chorus*
This is a very special song about female circumcision to the tune of Plain White T's' "Hey There Delilah." Thanks to a CS105 class I cheated my way through in college, I'm quite competent at copying and tailoring html code, so here is an instrumental version of the song (start singing in your head 10 seconds into it):

"Cleaver to My Clit"

The Serengeti was so peaceful, oh so quiet
Buffalo roamed in the place
I called my home and were my diet
Life is tough
So is the meat, I've had enough
My time is up

I'd like to move and
Go to Oprah Winfrey's school
But my father, he says no
It costs too much to buy a mule
Wish I were grown
Then I could strike out on my own
This makes me moan

Oh cleaver to my clit
But they let me keep my tits
Oh it's such misery
To have a clitorectomy
A clitorectomy

And then my tribe says
It is time to be a woman
There's a little extra part
You'll have to part with very soon
Put the dolls down
Spread your legs, get on the ground
It's over now

I fear the butcher
While he tries to comfort me
He says it only hurts a little
But will burn when you go pee
I'll miss it so
Tiny mound of flesh I hardly know
Say it ain't so

Oh cleaver to my clit
But they let me keep my tits
Oh it's such misery
To have a clitorectomy

They chopped it off, and it flew far
Now all that's left is an ugly scar
And a throbbing phantom pain between down there
The blade was dull and smelled like rust
Another man I'll never trust
The sight of one will now cause such a scare
A silent tear rolls down my cheek
And I've decided I need to seek
A place where I can start to become whole
And mend my soul

So now my sexual
Relations are for function
I've no sense of what is pleasurable
Even when they're munching on my cunt
I'll find a good man on my hunt
Who doesn't see me as a machine
To breed his children and to clean
I miss my bean

Oh cleaver to my clit
But they let me keep my tits
Oh it's such misery
To have a clitorectomy
Clitorectomy

Is it wrong to make fun of dead people?

Sadly, I'm a foolish enough sheep to watch MTV's A Double Shot at 15-Minutes-of-Fame, I mean Love. Kandice "Kandi" Hutchinson was rejected on last night's episode by two skanky bisexual broads known as the Ikki Twins. She was a makeup artist whom Tyra Banks would probably refer to as "plus size." Meaning, she had a totally normal body, but looked huge compared to the praying mantis competition. She sobbed in her exit interview, "I have so much to offer. I have a really good heart--it's there--it's so big. Maybe it's a little bit hidden." Well maybe she meant "enlarged" instead of "big." And I can imagine how obscuring GGG tits can be. Vikki and Rikki (apparently "Rikki" comes from the name Erica) have already kicked off all the people of color, so why not go after the fatties? HEY! Are any of you tools or lesbots Jews? You're next!

Kandi died in a car crash October 21st shortly after production on the show wrapped, and MTV edited her scenes to limit how much of her outrageous behavior aired. Why? If she's a crazy bitch, show us just how crazy. What could be in the unaired footage that would change the audience's opinion of a boozy, slutty mess? She must have been lighting orphans on fire and punching pregnant women in the belly. Maybe she was shitting on cars and paying bums to fight each other. Or worse!

Let it be known that I found out she died after I planned to write this. Not that it would have stopped me from posting. And I did get the whole burning orphans thing out of it. . . so thanks, Kandi?