Monday, February 23, 2009

Cuntgratulations, You Fail!


Once upon a time I was riding my bike across a busy campus. Approaching an always-tricky intersection for bike traffic, I noticed out of the side of my eye a guy biking perpendicular to my path. We kind of looked at each other to gauge who should speed up and who should slow down. We both decided to speed up. We crashed into each other, and my front tire t-boned his. I didn't even fall, I just put a leg down and surveyed the damage. And by damage, I mean the carnage of the poor guy I hit. He went flying over a nice soft patch of grass to skid on pavement. I didn't know what to do or say, and I immediately thought, "well this wouldn't have happened if he had slowed down!" Of course it was my fault too, but I wasn't about to own up to anything. Instead I proceeded to YELL at this bleeding fellow. It started off. . . nice. "Are you okay?!?" And it goes downhill from there, "what the hell were you thinking? What is wrong with you?!?" I was in a rush to get to workout, so I had to get going, but not before I saw him hoist his bike on his shoulder and start walking to his destination. I fucked up his tire so much that he couldn't even ride it. I can't remember what he looked like anymore. I used to keep an eye out for him at parties and such, thinking I had to run into him eventually. Not because I was expecting an ass whooping. If some skinny faggot crashes into you, disables your bike, and yells at you, you probably aren't going to retaliate down the line.

Shaming Your People


I seem to have many random notes saved in my cell phone as reminders to post. Here we go.

I really lucked out my freshman year of college and had an awesome randomly assigned roommate. He was a cool kid of Chinese heritage. The funny thing was he was allergic to almost EVERYTHING--milk, gluten, soy, and RICE included. We used to joke about what a terrible Asian he was. He had to do extra better in his engineering courses to make up for being allergic to fucking rice and soy. He'd bow to me and say, "I have disgraced my family!"