Friday, October 29, 2010

Looking Good



This bitch knows she's hot.  It's 1985, and she's about to paint the town neon.  I'm not going to lie, her lip gloss be poppin.  She looks this crazy made up, just imagine what she looks like at 6:00 a.m. with no makeup and no wig. This is a man, right?

Hell Yes



I think I've written about these books before, but my favorite fantasy series ever is The Wheel of Time by Robert Jordan, and now Robert Jordan and Brandon Sanderson.  There are 11 books so far, with number 12 due out at the beginning of November.  These books are amazing.  The story is epic and engrossing, and the detail of the world and multitudes of characters is astonishing.  Jordan created a compelling magic system, which is vital for any fantasy read, but this might be the most interesting.  The original author died a few years ago, but he had already outlined how he wanted the series to end, even writing some of it himself.  The last two books are co-authored by Brandon Sanderson, a talented fantasy writer by his own merit.  I'm excited for the next book, and this trailer gave me multiple nerdgasms.  The character being quoted was my favorite, and she last appeared many books ago, but the authors have been hinting at her rescue for some time.  NBC has the rights to do a miniseries for the first entry, but it's apparently unlikely that it will be made.  Universal Pictures plans on making the first book into a movie, but this worries me.  There's too much going on in this world to translate to film.  I think it's possible for a great movie, but no matter what, it will be highly simplified.  It has potential to be terrible, but I'll see it anyway.  If you haven't read the books, get off your grubby ass and go get The Eye of the World.  Better yet, sit your grubby ass in that seat, and just order the Kindle edition.

Thursday, October 28, 2010

Tranny of the Day

Okay, well I think he might be a drag queen, but that's just a technicality at this point.  Directed by Michael Serrato with a cameo by the lovely Calpernia Addams:

Monday, October 25, 2010

Finally

I should have started this a long time ago, damnit.
http://guysofgrindr.tumblr.com/

Hells No



Kristin Cavallari has no fucking business being in a video for the Trevor Project.  Really, bitch?  An anti-bullying PSA?  You got PAID to be a bully for years. You're a professional bully.  You took that shit to a  whole nother level. 

Thursday, October 21, 2010

I'm Martha Fucking Stewart

I'm currently enjoying a lovely chilled glass of water infused with rosemary.  This is a little trick I picked up from a. . . little trick in Chicago.  This young architect gentleman and I got to know each other over a glass of the same beverage.  It's simple.  Throw a couple fresh sprigs of rosemary into a (I use Britta) pitcher of water in the fridge.  Enjoy.

All Things Buffy

Yikes.  I started this post at the beginning of August and have abandoned it until now.  Here we go. . .

I've been meaning to write a Buffy The Vampire Slayer post for a very long time. I recently started rewatching the series, and I'm still in love with it. I didn't religiously watch it when it originally aired, but I caught episodes here and there. Then a few years ago, I watched the two episodes that aired every day on TNT, and LOVED it. I remembered some of it, but I finally caught up on it. At that point, season seven wasn't syndicated yet, so I had to get those DVDs, and I burned through them quickly. I imagine it would be difficult for someone to get into it now having never seen it. The first season is rough. The first two seasons are rough, really. The first season is just an intro to everything Slayer. The plot is whatever and the monster of the week format is fine as an introduction to the series. The story with Angel is compelling and interesting enough to keep the viewers watching. Of course the last episode is great with Buffy facing off against the Master and Cordelia becoming more of a Scooby.

The second series really picks up, and you start to get a better idea of the tone of the show. You get glimpses of its potential, but I still don't think it really found its voice yet. Spike is around this season, and he's always a treat, but he's completely evil at this point, and a little two-dimensional. The introduction of the second slayer as a result of Buffy's two-minute death in the first series is fun. The best part about Kendra (definitely NOT that terrible made-up accent) is that she named her stake Mr. Pointy. Buffy fucks Angel, Angel loses his soul, Buffy has to kill him, blah blah blah. I'll admit there was some great drama from Angelus' attitude toward Buffy and the subsequent running him through with a sword.


Season three is when Buffy really starts to shine. There are some hilarious episodes like "Band Candy," "The Wish," and "Zeppo" that hit the comedic stride that I feel the show is known for. This is of course balanced with some great drama in the form of the new slayer in Sunnydale, Faith. Bitch is crazy. At first we think she's crazy in a good way, but it turns out she's damaged goods and doesn't know how to deal with life. She kind of becomes evil, and a bitch loves to kill (even a human! The lovely and talented Jack Plotnick of Girls Will Be Girls future fame no less!). In the end, Buffy has to nut up and stab a cunt with her own knife. Sometimes you just have to cut somebody.


The fourth season is important to me for a few reasons. The first is that everyone's look improves. Buffy was always cute, but she really starts to get beautiful. Willow moves from super nerd to nerd chic, which is nice. She finally starts in on some full-fledged witching, making her more of a standout. She realizes her dykeyness and starts "doing spells" with Tara. Ugh. Tara. She was likable sometimes, but mostly annoying at first, with her stammering and shyness. Season four was also special because Anya became a regular cast member. She is THE BEST. She's hilarious without meaning to be, and watching her try to adapt to human ways is amazing. I miss her. But more about that later. Spike's neutering by the Initiative really serves to put the show on another level. Seeing him as a quasi-good guy is rewarding, and the playful interactions with gang are fantastically written.

Season five is when the show really becomes Buffy for me. I think this might be because the first season I bought on DVD was this one, resulting in many viewings. Spike becomes integrated with the Scooby gang, sort of kind of earning their trust.  To some extent.  This is of course the season that starts out with (well the Dracula episode which was really funny and called back to in the comic) Buffy's previously non-existant sister appearing.  Yeah, big WTF there.  Dawn sucked SO HARDCORE at first.  Well, she always sucks, but she gets less annoying further into the series.  The Big Bad this season is a fun departure from scary beasts in the form of a pretty blonde goddess shunned from her hell dimension.  And of course, there is the "The Body."  This is the amazing episode where (spoiler alert, too late) Buffy's mother dies.  There's no music in the episode, and it is quite intense.  It just hurts to watch.  I love uncomfortable things like that.  The speech that always gets to me the most comes from Anya:
But I don't understand! I don't understand how this all happens. How we go through this. I mean, I knew her, and then she's, there's just a body, and I don't understand why she just can't get back in it and not be dead anymore! It's stupid! It's mortal and stupid! And, and Xander's crying and not talking, and, and I was having fruit punch, and I thought, well Joyce will never have any more fruit punch, ever, and she'll never have eggs, or yawn or brush her hair, not ever, and no one will explain to me why.
The season ends with Buffy sacrificing herself to save her sister.  I suppose that could have been an end to the series, but I'm glad it wasn't because the next season was my favorite.

This is where I need to rewatch again, but I'll go from memory for now.  I took a break to watch HIMYM, 70 episodes of Bleach, and new episodes of current shows.  The gang brings Buffy back to life, but she has trouble adjusting to being back in the world.  Seems they pulled a bitch out of heaven.  Oops!  The reveal is so memorable in the amazing musical episode "Once More With Feeling."  The introduction of The Trio of nerds is fun and cute.  There are some really fun episodes like "Gone" where Buffy gets a cute haircut that no one can see because ZOMG! the Trio made her invisible.  It's cute.  "Doublemeat Palace" remains one of my favorites as well.  Willow and Tara break up because Willow becomes addicted to magic and does a ton of stupid shit, blah blah blah.  Just as they're about to get back together, one of the Trio comes barging into Buffy's backyard, shoots Buffy, and a stray bullet kills Tara.  That is a SAD fucking scene.  Lesbian Witch goes all Dark Willow and wants some revenge.  Then she wants to end everyone's suffering by destroying the world.  Natch.

The final season changes the game when all the potential slayers the team can get are brought to Sunnydale after it's found that they're being murdered.  Oh yeah, at the end of Six, Spike loved Buffy so much that he tried to rape her.  You know how that goes.  It turns out that he went through some crazy trials and had his soul restored, thinking Buffy could love him once he had it.  Aww.  He's back, but he's insane for a while.  The First Evil serves as the Big Bad this time around, and it's an appropriately epic touch for the final season.  The cutest of the Trio, Andrew, returns in a capacity to help the slayers, and he is fantastically nerdy.  The Hellmouth is opening, and an ancient breed of bad ass vampires are on the loose.  They are pretty much invincible at first, but once they manage to kill one, they are treated as hardly worse than regular vamps.  This is a glaring inconsistency that Joss Whedon admits in the commentary, but it had to happen I think.  They pull off a coup in the end, and Willow performs a spell to give all potential slayers in the world the powers of a full slayer.  It's a pretty inspiring scene, and it's very Girl Power.  In the end, Anya is killed (sad dot com slash ME), the Hellmouth is closed, and Sunnydale is destroyed.  It's a great end to a great show.

But that's not where the story ends.  It continued in Buffy The Vampire Slayer Season 8, a monthly serialized comic.  I was worried about this one, but it turns out the comic is great!  Mostly.  There are seven volumes so far, with the most recent having just been released this week.  There's a new BB in town, and his name is, get this:  TWILIGHT.  Granted, this was planned well before the Twilight series was mainstream and had tweens creaming their jeans over Robert Pattinson (which btw, I was creaming my jeans over him long before TwilightHarry Potter and the Goblet of Fire, anyone?).  Still, it's unfortunate.  Moving on.  The stories are fun and well written, with appropriate artwork.  The Slayers are all gathered in Scotland with Buffy as their leader.  Shit is going down, Dawn is a giant, then a centaurette, then a rag doll, and Willow seems to have more power than ever.  We discover some interesting secrets, and see some familiar faces along the way.  Being in graphic novel form, the stories have license to do more outrageous things would be prohibitively expensive, which is so fun.  I have to say though, having just finished the most recent trade paperback collection, it was a little disappointing.  Maybe not so much disappointing as WTF?  Angel returns and Buffy gains superhero powers, and the whole reasoning behind everything is just so. . . stupid.  There, I said it.  Fucking stupid.  I still enjoyed it, but DAMN.  It's over, and I'm looking forward to moving onto the next arc.  We know at some point that our resident lesbian Wicca goes Dark Willow again, and it's mentioned many times since Buffy gets sucked into the future for a hot minute.  Hopefully the story of how that happens will be epic.  Thanks to Fray, an older pre-season eight comic collection about a slayer hundreds of years in the future, we know that magic doesn't really exist in the future, but Willow is very much alive and very much magical.  Buffy kills her :(

Which brings me to the motion comic.  Available on iTunes since July, it's exactly what it sounds like.  They started at the beginning, and they're now on the third volume.  The medium really adds a fun dimension to season eight.  I do wish the original actors would have voiced their characters, but the ones present are acceptable.  Each episode is one issue of the comic, and they are released weekly.  I watch them on my iPad, and they are crisp, sleek, and gorgeous.

I hesitate to even mention this, but there is a BTVS videogame.  I believe it was for PS2, and it looked awful.  I don't have it, and I think it might taint Buffy for me to play it.

Monday, October 18, 2010

More Mary Kate

The hilarious woman behind http://www.verymarykate.com/ is finally back.  She took a break from filming since May (read: no funds), but now she's teamed up with College Humor to purportedly bring us new videos every Monday and Thursday.  Here are the two latest, but it appears there hasn't been one posoted today.  Tick muthafuckin tock.




Happy Monday

Here are a few presents to lift your Garfield Monday spirits.  What was with that anyway?  All he had to do was sit around all day, abuse other pets in a multitude of ways, and eat fucking lasagna.  I guess he had to hate Mondays so spinsters could identify with him and cut out those shitty comic strips to hang in their temp cubicles.  Back to the point: Will Smith's 9-year-old daughter's first single has a video now.  It's pretty much what I expected.  I hope she grows up to do porn.  Like that Cosby girl.  Or was it Family Matters?

Whip My Hair:



And the Sesame Street version:



I think this one is nice because the black girl puppet has so many hairstyles.  It's a good message that you can have a natural look, be proud, and not have to worry about getting a weave.  No joke.

Friday, October 15, 2010

This Is Only A Test

That reminds me.  I'm cooking a look for Halloween that I think is genius.  It's a lovely little play on words that I'll keep to myself for now.  Let's just say it requires that I kind of look like a prostitution whore.  I did a mascara test last night while I was bored, and I think it turned out well.  As you can see, I only did one eye.  This is only two coats, and I'll probably go with 10 for the special night.  I want crusty and clumpy.  The ultimate eye look will be walk of shame meets rape victim.  It will make sense in a few weeks.  Can you tell in which picture I'm smizing?


Fascinating

This video is kind of blowing my mind.  I mean, THIRTY looks with one dress!  Oh wait, it's the same drab color.  Still, it is old school glamorous, and I want it for my non-existant drag persona.  I would have to make it dirtier though.  And when people ask why I have a hairy tit hanging out, I can quote this smiley bitch: "now remember, I'm doing this without a mirror!"

Stank Nasty

Here's a parking lot surprise.  I once found a $100 bill in a parking lot.  This is almost as good:

Wednesday, October 13, 2010

This Is Not Okay

Bitch, get the fuck off a program for gay men.  Who the fuck is she talking to anyway?  And nice tagline, hag.  I'm sure all your gay friends appreciate being equated to materialistic objects.  Die, bitch.

It's on Like. . . Diddy Kong?

I wish this were a real game.  I love the stolen music cues.  Especially the Final Fantasy battle victory music.


Tuesday, October 12, 2010

Oops

I was out of town this weekend for a wedding, and I got the chance to head into San Francisco to meet some friends for lunch.  I brought my camera, planning on taking some pictures of us, but somehow I only ended up with two from the city.

Hipster yuppies, YUPSTERS:



Old lady with Rihanna hair:

Friday, October 1, 2010

Come Clean

SOMEHOW THIS MASTERPIECE IS NO LONGER ON MY IPOD.  HEADS WILL FUCKING ROLL.