Tuesday, May 5, 2009

Haifiveku

I miss Fred Burkle
That Oprah is a liar
Thongs don't feel so bad

The Queen Is Back

As you might know, I used to be obsessed with Lil' Kim. While this has faded over the years, I was excited to see what her new video had to offer. Not much, but that's okay. The song is terrible, but it's good for a few laughs. The video features her Dancing With The Stars partner Derek Hough looking faggier than ever. The beard does NOT serve to butch him up, in fact he's as gay as cum on a mustache. The video is also a Donaghy Estates-like ad for what I can only assume is a horrible new alcoholic beverage called Nuvo. Oh, here it is: the world's first sparkling liqueur. Good idea, that's just what the world has been lacking. Fuck those starving AIDS orphans with cleft palates, what we need is carbonated Amaretto. Maybe Jägermeister will get an upgrade next.

Some gems in the lyrics:

  • HE WANNA EXPLORE ME LIKE THE INTERNET.
  • HE A THUG SO I HIT HIM ON HIS GMAIL.

Those last two are borderline genius. Congratulations, middleaged white women who write pun-laden lyrics for hip-hop artists.