Thursday, December 30, 2010


Let's play a game of Hypothetical.  Imagine if you will that several months ago, your best friend hooked up with a guy he admitted "wasn't [his] type" and "might actually be really good for you."'  They didn't have chemistry, and haven't been in much contact with each other since then.  This annoyed you, but it wasn't terrible.  After all, who am I to chastise someone for refusing perfectly good dick?  Now I, HYPOTHETICALLY, meet him.  At this point, there is no snizgenda, just chit-chatting.  What is the etiquette there?  Am I supposed to pretend I don't know that they snizzed?  The only thing going through my head is how my friend said this guy has the perfect penis.  I just know I'm going to blurt it out.  But do I just bring him around one day and introduce them to each other as if I don't know they've had each other's cocks in their mouths?  Or can I say, this is my best friend whom I believe you know?  I wonder what Emily Post would have to say about such a situation.  My imaginary self asked my friend, and he said to just say nothing about it.  I guess that would be the easiest thing to do.  In the end, it doesn't really matter.  I don't give a shit, and I'm sure they ultimately don't give a shit either.  Maybe this is what people on Craigslist mean by being a "discrete" bro.

Wednesday, December 29, 2010


First of all, I have to address Kesha.  Listening to her latest album, it was obvious this song would be the lead single.  It's catchy and stupid as fuck.  I've really been getting into it lately to be honest though.  I don't listen to the radio, so the only time I hear it is when it occasionally comes up on my  iPod.  So I acknowledge how terrible and shitty this song is.  This is a fun video if you go into it viewing it as making fun of itself.  If this shit is for real, it is sad.  I've actually seen this Christian Beasley faggot before.  I sent a video of him dancing in a small tight pair of shorts to a friend of mine a while ago because I found it erotic.  So even though this is the largest collection of shitty homosexuals I've seen in a while, it's entertaining.

Tuesday, December 21, 2010

A Win for Sniz

Two of my favorite things came together today for one glorious moment.  Today's Very Mary Kate video features MK in confession saying, "bless me father for I have snizzed."  I'm not going to lie, I got really deep into a vain fantasy for a hot second.  I figured that like any quasi celebrity, she would google herself.  Well, perhaps that leads to my page, where I gave a glowing review.  And she couldn't help but notice how funny and fantastic my blog is, which is obviously where she picked up use of the word sniz.  You're welcome.

Sunday, December 19, 2010

Celluloid Classics

Girls Will Be Girls ranks high on my list of stupid movies I can watch all the time.  It's a scathing comedy about drugs, rape, and abortion.  All the women in the film are played by men.  Yeah, big surprise coming from me, I know.  They aren't supposed to be trannies, it just adds to the humor.  The jokes are dirty and just plain wrong.  That's why I love it.  That's why the quotes section of my Facebook profile has a couple selections such as "One?  Coco, I''ve had more children pulled out of me than a burning orphanage?"

If you have the power of sight and vision, I recommend watching GWBG a.s.a.p.  There are also more goodies on YouTube like The Jizz Party and Delivering Coco.  Apparently there is a planned sequel due out in November of 2011.  Yay.  So see the movie, and check out all the videos.

Saturday, December 18, 2010

Songs To Wake Up To

I was singing this song in my head as I woke up.  It's a fun one.

Thursday, December 16, 2010

Baby, It's Cold Outside

I read in a funny Jew's blog recently that every Jew has a favorite Christmas song.  I thought, "bullshit."  I wracked my brain trying to think of Xmas songs, and I hated them all.  I don't mind Mariah Carey's version of "All I Want for Christmas Is You," but it doesn't stick in my head.  Then I found it.  "Baby, It's Cold Outside."  What really irked me was that so many places had it listed without the comma in the title.  WRONG.  I love me some grammar, and I try to follow the rules unless it gets in the way of my style.  It's not technically a Christmas song, but it's now a traditional holiday number.  Perhaps the other reason I like it is that it is so fucked up.  Take a listen to the lyrics.  Here's a version that was recently on Glee:

Whaaaaat???  This song is about attempted acquaintance rape, and you know I like disturbing things.  Seriously though, it is wrong.  Apparently in the printed score, the male is referred to as "wolf" and the female "mouse."  Oh that's nice.  The guy in the song is horny and manipulative:

My mother will start to worry (Hey beautiful, what’s your hurry)

And father will be pacing the floor (Listen to that fireplace roar)

So really, I’d better scurry (Beautiful, please don’t hurry)

Well, maybe just a half a drink more (Put some music on while I pour)

The neighbors might think (Baby, it’s bad out there)

Say, what’s in this drink (No cabs to be had out there)

He goes on to say what a storm it is outside and that she's hurting his pride.  This followed by "don't hold out."  This dirty motherfucker.  Or how about this implied threat against her family?

My sister will be suspicious (Your lips look delicious)

My brother will be there at the door (I ain’t worried about you brother)

My maiden aunt’s mind is vicious (That ol’ biddy, she ain’t gonna bother me)

What a lovely story this song tells.  I can just imagine how it ends up.  She stays with him, wooed by his greasy charm.  Mouse ends up sleeping with the Wolf under heavy influence of roofies.  As a result of this tryst, Mouse becomes pregnant.  In 1949, you don't just run out and get an abortion.  A proper young lady gets married.  So that's what Mouse does.  She starts an abusive marriage with this philandering man.  When  she is four months pregnant, Wolf pushes her down the stairs, causing a miscarriage.  Incensed at this tragedy, her sister, aunt, and brother show up at their door, which only serves to outrage Wolf even more.  He invites them into the parlor to discuss what really happened.  They all sit down over coffee, and Wolf attempts to soothe the troubled family.  Mouse serves the family, but Wolf doesn't touch his cup.  He also insists that she have none as it is "detrimental to her constitution."  It turns out, he poisoned the coffee, killing Mouse's family members.  Of course, she gets hysterical, you know how delicate women are.  So Wolf has to restrain her in the basement while he buries the bodies.  Eventually he comes down to see her.  With love in his eyes and a smile on his lips, he rapes her to death and eats her face.  What? He said her lips looked delicious.

It's That Time of Year Again

Happy Kwanzaa!

Wednesday, December 8, 2010

Make It Stop

Yikes!  Hey, guys.  I know all three of you missed me, so we'll just get right back into the swing of things. . .
Everyone who knows me knows I love a good WTF.  This is one of them:

peeking virtue from Douglas Burgdorff on Vimeo.