Wednesday, January 7, 2009

Da Real World

Photobucket

I was planning on writing a critique of the new Real World, but it was so boring that sarcasm, cursewords, and foul imagery wouldn't even help it. I was excited because there's a tranny, but it turns out she's the world's lamest tranny. Lame as in extremely unentertaining, not hobbled. I like my trannies wild and violent. There's an ex-army guy who claims not to be affected by his time in Iraq who CLEARLY has mad issues. A faggoty Mormon who sews his own clothing (ie pink under a sport jacket collar that shows when he pops it).

Photobucket

There's only ONE black girl--unforgivable!



There's a homo guy who based on the previews of upcoming episodes has anger probs.


There's a gym-obsessed dude who looks like a douchewrap supreme, but seems like a really sweet guy.
Photobucket

This Surfer Douche Looks Like a Turtle

A Double Shot At Love contestant Trevor looks just like that turtle from Finding Nemo.

Photobucket
Photobucket

Nightmares and Dreamscapes

Photobucket

I had this fucked up dream last night. People were presenting building proposal models to me for some reason. One of the guys who made a little model was Chuy from Chelsea Lately, and he made a hole in the model through which he stuck his junk. And it was impressive junk. I wonder what Freud would think? He'd probably do a bump of coke then tell me I want to fuck little nuggets. Seems pretty accurate.

Pop Off, Son!

Photobucket

Bad Girls Club.

Everybody loves a show about unstable bitches. Here are some thoughts on last night's episode.

Amber B. is interested in a lying ape named Greg. Before she let the other roommates make up her mind about him, she had this to say about him:
"He's genuine. He wants to know me for me. He wants to know my family." Sorry, honey, but he's just buttering you up. He thinks if he tells you what you want to hear, you'll let him take your black cherry.

Kayla let us know that her ex-boyfriend mind-fucked her into hating light-skinned women. "He like light-skinned bitches with better hair than me. (To Tiffany) Yo hair is curly just like mine, but my hair is thicker than yours. So my hair look nappy until I put a grip of gel on my shit." Wow, I haven't heard anyone use the word "grip" in, well a grip while. "Because of my ex, I hate a bitch that's lighter than me!" Then why the fuck was he with you? I'll answer for you--because you put out and do all the freaky things in bed you feel you have to do since your self-esteem is so low and you can't believe anyone would even date you.

Tifffay, the light-skinned bitch of the house, has a boyfriend named Skeet. As in skeet-skeet, meaning cum. That's classy. She explained how the skin issue within race goes all the way back to slavery. There were light slaves like her, and they got to do the cooking and cleaning, be in the house, and not outside in the fields picking cotton.

Then there's Ailea. This bitch got issues for days, primary among them, DADDY issues. She never knew her father and is now dating an OLD ass man she met online. She flipped the fuck out on Amber M. It started semi-normal, as a conversational confrontation, even though Ailea's leg was shaking uncontrollably the whole time. Then a bitch just SNAPPED, knocked over chairs, and popped off. I feel like she's going to go fatal attraction on her popop lover. She admitted to him that she was taken to an institution to be evaluated (which really doesn't mean much unless she's not telling him that she was kept there for a month or something). She used to throw things, yell, and want to "really hurt people." Sounds like a temper tantrum for a two-year-old right? Apparently it was only two years ago. "I'm really not a crazy person." I do feel bad for her, but the thing is, once you identify a problem like that, you have the responsibility to deal with it. If you keep doing the same shit, you're going to get the same shitty results.

I liked Kayla telling Ailea "none off that lesbo shit around me, okay? Cuz I don't like girls. But can I have a tongue kiss though?" She's all like that normally, but get this bitch liquored up, and it's scissor time.

Greg was baffled that Amber B. didn't trust him. His argument that he was trustworthy was that he's a third generation Eagle Scout, and he produces his card for it. "You're a boy scout?"
"I still am."
"So you're gay?" Alright, the last line was made up, but come on. Amber asked him earlier if he was into dudes, and he got really defensive but freely admitted that he'd kissed his guy friends on the mouth. One answer he gave her when she asked was "I'm straight as ever." Perhaps he did mean to say arrow, but it's probably his mind's way of saying "it's not gay if a guy just blows me" without really saying it. They were in bed later: "Are they real?"
"Yeah."
"Really? Awesome." He probably high-fived himself.

Then later at a club, Kayla rips her dress, and wah wah wah it's all about her. She wasn't wearing panties. What the fuck? How common a practice is that? Have girls learned nothing? What's the purpose of doing that anyway? Are you that much of a cock-hungry thundercunt that you can't be bothered to waste time removing them later for access to your gaping maw of a vagina? She gets in the limo and cries that she's sick of everything being about her, so to prove that point, she removed the rest of her attire. This causes old Lighty to get ready to pop off: "On my life, I'ma fuck her up. Right out here. Chicago style." What exactly is Chicago style? Is she gonna beat her ass with just mustard, no ketchup? Or is it a deep-dish whuppin'? She says later "I'm silent for a reason. (Points to herself) Deadly weapon. I'ma fuck yo ass up."

Good times.