Narsty

I don't know what exactly is going on with her pit situation.  She needs to shave and find a deodorant that doesn't leave white streaks.  Get yourself learnt, bitch.

Bitches Gotta Go

Finally! A satisfying episode of the Bad Girls Club. The bitches are still in Mexico, and Ailea and Boston are gloating after beating up Cookie. There's a great clip of Boston trying to pass the blame because to her, you nevah take ya shoe off and hit somebody. She goes on for a couple minutes about how wimpy it is and how a real woman kits with her fists. Meanwhile the clever editors of the program show footage of at least three instances in which she wields her shoe as a weapon.

Sarah and the new skank (I can't even be bothered to remember her name) sate their cock-hungry cuntholes with their Mexican playthings. Here's a snippet of their conversation after:

Sarah: Is that bad that I just did Noah's high five after I just fucked a weird Mexican?
Other: Who cares? You used a condom. It doesn't count.

That is quite an admirable attitude, young lady. How many guys do you have to have sex with to obtain it? Sarah is quite pleased with herself. She says they're using their sex appeal to get what they want from the guys. I'm sorry, but it's not really an accomplishment for you to get drunk and have sex with a guy. Besides, the natives were using you too. Don't act like a pimp, because you know what? Like your mouth, vagina, and anus, it's a two-way street.

Initially after the beatdown, Ailea insists that she did nothing wrong in her eyes. That's okay, honey, Chris Brown didn't do anything wrong either.

Then Tiffany either proves she has a conscience and a heart or a healthy fear of consequences. Either way, it prompts her to quote some bullshit fraternity/sorority mantra about excuses.

The cops interview everyone, and Ailea denies wrongdoing and fingers Boston--no, not in the vagical g-spot kind way. Boston gets kicked off the show with no regrets of ganging up on another girl to beat her up. You're not giving your namesake a good reputation, sweety. I hope she was welcomed home with cyanide cocktails.

Tiffany calls a house meeting and calls Ailea out for being a hypocritical twat. Ailea gives the most pathetic apology ever and says she's sorry for how Cookie feels about how things went down. Sigh. Then she offers to go home, thinking that Cookie won't follow through with it, but oh she does!

And that's the story of how in the course of one day the Fab Five became the Thick Three.

p.s. the picture is only tangentially related to the BGC. It's a picture that shows up for a Google image search of "Ailea," but it's strangely fitting for the Thick Three theme.

Go Go, Gadget Rectum!

This week on the Bad Girls Club: used up cumdumpsters hang out with crusty pornography thespians, go to Cancun, and fight. The fight was way disappointing. Tiffany always goes on about how she'll cut a bitch, but when it comes down to it, she's a hair puller just like those other twats. Kayla and Cookie were the only ones to throw down with any ladyballs at all. It was basically everyone pulling Cookie Amber's hair. Having only self grown hair really worked to Cookie's disadvantage. If you yanked on, say, Tiffany's 2-foot-long ponytail, that shit would pop right off like a gecko tail. It's kind of a ghetto defense mechanism. Hopefully they'll just all get kicked off the show. That way Oxygen can just skip down to the corner and pick up some more classy ladies.

The cast went to the premiere of a porn film, and they got all cozy with this thing:

Would you like to sit on that alligator face? No, no you wouldn't. Not unless you had a bionic asshole. I'd turn that shit into a blender.

Oh here's a nice quote from Tiff: "Seven bad girls in Mexico. Come on, what more could you axe for?" I would axe for one of them grammatatical books and a dictionurry.

Please Crumble, Cookie

Amber M. from the Bad Girls Club was on Tyra Banks' talk show some time recently. She explained what made her a bad girl, and apparently it's abusing people with disabilities. She claimed that she was at a bar and out of nowhere, a "wheelchair guy" rolled into her and spilled an entire drink on her intentionally. This unforgivable infraction warranted her stomping on his balls. "I don't discriminate. If a real guy just did that, I would kick him in the balls too." Exsqueeze me? Baking powder? Somebody needs to drop a house on this cunt.

Bad Girls Cunty Club -_-

Oy. Graverobber Ailea cheated on her popop boyfriend with a guy she nicknamed Fadoodle. Apparently he said to her, "I've never looked at an Asian as much as I've looked at you." Ailea was flattered. She was too stupid to realize she should be offended, and he was too stupid to recognize his backhanded compliment for what it was.

There was a new bad girl--Ashley. She's pretty--if your type is strippers who will probably give you gonorrhea. She gets Joey from the Real World: Who Cares to go out with them one night, and she was all over him. Roommate Sarah condemns her for it even though she herself was straddling and grinding some random jackoff with a mohawk and admitted she really wanted to fuck him. Well well, isn't this just the pot calling the kettle a slut? Joey was the castmember who went to rehab during his season of RW, and he had a douchetooth earpiece in the whole night. I would LOVE to see these people's kids.

Pop Off, Son!

Bad Girls Club.

Everybody loves a show about unstable bitches. Here are some thoughts on last night's episode.

Amber B. is interested in a lying ape named Greg. Before she let the other roommates make up her mind about him, she had this to say about him:
"He's genuine. He wants to know me for me. He wants to know my family." Sorry, honey, but he's just buttering you up. He thinks if he tells you what you want to hear, you'll let him take your black cherry.

Kayla let us know that her ex-boyfriend mind-fucked her into hating light-skinned women. "He like light-skinned bitches with better hair than me. (To Tiffany) Yo hair is curly just like mine, but my hair is thicker than yours. So my hair look nappy until I put a grip of gel on my shit." Wow, I haven't heard anyone use the word "grip" in, well a grip while. "Because of my ex, I hate a bitch that's lighter than me!" Then why the fuck was he with you? I'll answer for you--because you put out and do all the freaky things in bed you feel you have to do since your self-esteem is so low and you can't believe anyone would even date you.

Tifffay, the light-skinned bitch of the house, has a boyfriend named Skeet. As in skeet-skeet, meaning cum. That's classy. She explained how the skin issue within race goes all the way back to slavery. There were light slaves like her, and they got to do the cooking and cleaning, be in the house, and not outside in the fields picking cotton.

Then there's Ailea. This bitch got issues for days, primary among them, DADDY issues. She never knew her father and is now dating an OLD ass man she met online. She flipped the fuck out on Amber M. It started semi-normal, as a conversational confrontation, even though Ailea's leg was shaking uncontrollably the whole time. Then a bitch just SNAPPED, knocked over chairs, and popped off. I feel like she's going to go fatal attraction on her popop lover. She admitted to him that she was taken to an institution to be evaluated (which really doesn't mean much unless she's not telling him that she was kept there for a month or something). She used to throw things, yell, and want to "really hurt people." Sounds like a temper tantrum for a two-year-old right? Apparently it was only two years ago. "I'm really not a crazy person." I do feel bad for her, but the thing is, once you identify a problem like that, you have the responsibility to deal with it. If you keep doing the same shit, you're going to get the same shitty results.

I liked Kayla telling Ailea "none off that lesbo shit around me, okay? Cuz I don't like girls. But can I have a tongue kiss though?" She's all like that normally, but get this bitch liquored up, and it's scissor time.

Greg was baffled that Amber B. didn't trust him. His argument that he was trustworthy was that he's a third generation Eagle Scout, and he produces his card for it. "You're a boy scout?"
"I still am."
"So you're gay?" Alright, the last line was made up, but come on. Amber asked him earlier if he was into dudes, and he got really defensive but freely admitted that he'd kissed his guy friends on the mouth. One answer he gave her when she asked was "I'm straight as ever." Perhaps he did mean to say arrow, but it's probably his mind's way of saying "it's not gay if a guy just blows me" without really saying it. They were in bed later: "Are they real?"
"Yeah."
"Really? Awesome." He probably high-fived himself.

Then later at a club, Kayla rips her dress, and wah wah wah it's all about her. She wasn't wearing panties. What the fuck? How common a practice is that? Have girls learned nothing? What's the purpose of doing that anyway? Are you that much of a cock-hungry thundercunt that you can't be bothered to waste time removing them later for access to your gaping maw of a vagina? She gets in the limo and cries that she's sick of everything being about her, so to prove that point, she removed the rest of her attire. This causes old Lighty to get ready to pop off: "On my life, I'ma fuck her up. Right out here. Chicago style." What exactly is Chicago style? Is she gonna beat her ass with just mustard, no ketchup? Or is it a deep-dish whuppin'? She says later "I'm silent for a reason. (Points to herself) Deadly weapon. I'ma fuck yo ass up."

Good times.