Saturday, December 27, 2008

Just Because

This shit makes me laugh so hard:

Rock Me Sexy Jesus

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Remember Justin Bobby from the Hills? The straight hairdresser who was a total dick to Audrina every chance he got? All recent pictures I've seen of him show him with short hair, and it saddens me! I didn't realize it until now, but he was way hot with the long hair. He had the whole Hot Jesus thing going on. I'm usually not attracted to guys with such long hair, but I dig his. Maybe it's some strange complex I have being a Jew. I just want to be all up on him like, "grrr, yeah, I'm gonna fuckin crucify you! Ooooh, take that spear, bitch! Die for my sins!"

Ground Up White Babies and Nutmeg

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There's a really sketchy restaurant not too far from where I live that specializes in "tasty fish and chicken." I noticed one a few years ago across town, and I told myself I would never ever go there. Then I see that one pops up by my house. Oh fuck no. My dad and I decided to try it out last night. They "make everything to order," so it took forever. Which was fine considering the show I got to watch. After waiting at the register for about 5 minutes, a large black woman saunters up and asks for our order. We all know how I feel about her already! She was great, but her wig was DEAD WRONG. She must have been about 70 years old, because if she were white she would look 50, and the only black woman that hasn't aged well is Star Jones. Well, or Whitney Houston, but crack is whack and makes black crack! So she's taking our order and swatting off this cute little girl who was hassling her, whose closest relationship to the old lady could be grandmother, even though she might call her "Mom." Little girl is hitting Grandma/Momma with her baby doll, and GMA/MA has finally had enough. She snatches it right quick from the little girl, hides it where she can't reach it, and says "now you ain't got no baby! Aaaaand what?!" I couldn't help but think she'll hear those exact words in a few years after a requisite Falcon Punch. It really warmed my heart.



I also noticed bean pies on the menu. I immediately started laughing inappropriately because of that episode of Weeds in which Nancy asks Vaneeta what's in bean pies. Her answer: "Ground up white babies and nutmeg."