Wanna Hear Some Poetry?

Then Mia prompted me to come up with a poem for her.  I was like, WTF, nothing rhymes with your real name.  I decided to switch it up and write a haiku.  Here it be:

Tacos, abortions,

Puppies , and  jizz.  These are what

Come from Mia’s sniz.

Wanna Hear Some Poetry?

I guess this will be my standing post title for poetry from now on.  Whatevs, I'm lazy.  This one won't make much sense, but I'd like to share it.  Mia squirted it out in about 2.5 seconds, and I was so honored.  My only note was that "guy" should be changed to "fag."  Feece was an old boss of mine who would drop the narstiest deuces at work.  It would somehow stink up the bathroom for hours.  Ugh.  I shudder at the mere thought of it.

The once was a guy named Dan,
Who had shitz at work that ran,
He loved shitting in peace,
Except not after Feece,
Because she really stank up the can

Wanna Hear Some Poetry?

There once was a man from Bandoo. Who fell asleep in a canoe. He dreamed of Venus and played with his penis and woke up with a hand full of goo!

I'm staying home today :(  I've been up since 4:00 a.m. with stomach ish.  Perhaps I shouldn't have let my rare steak sit out so long on Sunday before reheating it and consuming it last night?  Ugh.  TMI.  Sorry, bitches.  Anyway, I'll try to blog some today.  I've been terrible and lazy.  Let's kick it off with a poetry slam.  Travis, of One and a Half F*gs fame, provided me with the first line.  Maestro! How 'bout something with a little octane?


There was an old tampon that lived in a sniz,
It bathed in blood and urine and jizz,
Til one day that twat
Was toxically shocked,
And it needs a new gash to live.