Thug Life

G's To Gents was riveting as usual. Oh, I'm sorry, you can't see me rolling my eyes to the point of pain. The lesson for this week was chivalry. It's a good one to learn since what these guys probably consider chivalry is warning a chickenhead before busting a nut in her mouf. My favorite FTM tranny Macho was denied membership to the oh-so-prestigious Gentlemen's Club. Their challenge was to learn etiquette to use on a date, and Macho was confident. "What do ladies want? They want this diamond on the face. They want this braided up hair. They want this smooth talk. Everything that I embody." Wow. Diamond face tattoo is actually pretty high on my list of qualities for desirable men. The bigger the diamond, the better. He needs to upgrade that shit at Zales or something, and then we can deal. He wasn't very macho in his exit interview:

Look at his pictures, and tell me he was born with a penis. I dare you. I was fortunate enough to be accepted as a friend on MySpace. It's purely for research, trust. According to him, he and Riff Raff are getting their own dating show. Now casting! So any skankbots out there check out Thug Passion, and get your shame on. Please.

Shooting The Duck

That reminds me of my friend Jay. A while ago he asked his parents for some money to help out with purchasing winter clothing. They quiesced, thinking he wanted a warm coat or the like. No. He was intent on getting fingerless Chanel gloves. I said "Jay, those aren't even gloves. You can't call them that. They don't qualify." He still wanted the glovelets. I don't think he ended up getting them, and I'm rather glad. The only place those are appropriate are on a 12-year-old girl's hands at a Gossip Girl-themed rollerskating party. Well, Lila, you could probably pull it off. Jay, I love you, but stick to bowties.

You Gotta Know Your Limits With A Boombox

I recently listened to Lonely Island's album Incredibad. You know them, Andy Jewberg's comedy/music group. I found it surprisingly entertaining. Especially "Boombox" because it talks about fingerless gloves and old people fucking like rabbits. I remember seeing the video for "Jizz In My Pants" and wondering who the attractive nerd was. Now we're imaginarily gay-married. I might be alone here, but I love a funny and cute nerdy guy. They often don't think much of themselves, so you know they won't have attitude, and they'll do the nasty stuff in bed they think they have to in order to get you to like them. Aw, look at that picture! I just want to pinch his cheek and give him a cumstache. Something distinguished. Like an old-timey villain who just tied a bitch to some train tracks.

Go Go, Gadget Rectum!

This week on the Bad Girls Club: used up cumdumpsters hang out with crusty pornography thespians, go to Cancun, and fight. The fight was way disappointing. Tiffany always goes on about how she'll cut a bitch, but when it comes down to it, she's a hair puller just like those other twats. Kayla and Cookie were the only ones to throw down with any ladyballs at all. It was basically everyone pulling Cookie Amber's hair. Having only self grown hair really worked to Cookie's disadvantage. If you yanked on, say, Tiffany's 2-foot-long ponytail, that shit would pop right off like a gecko tail. It's kind of a ghetto defense mechanism. Hopefully they'll just all get kicked off the show. That way Oxygen can just skip down to the corner and pick up some more classy ladies.

The cast went to the premiere of a porn film, and they got all cozy with this thing:

Would you like to sit on that alligator face? No, no you wouldn't. Not unless you had a bionic asshole. I'd turn that shit into a blender.

Oh here's a nice quote from Tiff: "Seven bad girls in Mexico. Come on, what more could you axe for?" I would axe for one of them grammatatical books and a dictionurry.