Tuesday, December 16, 2008

What Would Yolanda Saldivar Do?

I have this kooky aunt who is an OB/GYN, and she visits town every so often. She was here Sunday and Monday. She likes to talk. A LOT. And about nasty things. She has no information filter. We were chatting [aka she was chatting, I was listening] last night, and she treated me to some tidbits about her body. She told me that when she runs, it basically feels like her asshole is falling out through her vag. Cut to me wide-eyed trying not to laugh. She goes on to say that it's worse than in the past, because she used to be able to manage it with KEGEL exercises. That's when I cracked up laughing. I immediately apologized. I was just thinking about how my aunt is actually sitting here practically telling me that her vagina is so flobbety that other organs are falling out through it. And then I thought, "if this can happen to my aunt, imagine what a really promiscous woman might feel." I hypothesize that one day Paris Hilton might turn inside out via her pusspuss. And If I ever started a blog, this would be the first entry.

So it begins.

p.s. for biology fans out there, here are some excerpts from the wikipedia entries for rectocele and cystocele (what Aunty TMI told me about):

A cystocele (SIS-tuh-seal) is a medical condition that occurs when the tough fibrous wall between a woman's bladder and her vagina (the pubocervical fascia) is torn by childbirth, allowing the bladder to herniate into the vaginaA cystocele is mild (grade 1) when the bladder droops only a short way into the vagina. With more severe (grade 2) cystocele, the bladder sinks far enough to reach the opening of the vagina. The most advanced (grade 3) cystocele occurs when the bladder bulges out through the opening of the vagina.A doctor may be able to diagnose a grade 2 or 3 cystocele from a description of symptoms and from physical examination of the vagina because the fallen part of the bladder will be visible.

MY AUNT WAS KIND ENOUGH TO MAKE SURE I KNEW THAT SHE HAS BEEN UPGRADED FROM GRADE 1 TO GRADE 2. Grade 3 is when I claw my eyes out and shove knitting needles in my ears.

AAAAAAAAAAAAND:A rectocele results from a tear in the rectovaginal septum (which is normally a tough fibrous sheet like divider between the rectum and vagina). Rectal tissue bulges through this tear, into the vagina, as a herniaMild cases may simply produce a sense of pressure or protrusion within the vagina, and the occasional feeling that the rectum has not been completely emptied after a bowel movement. Moderate cases may involve difficulty passing stool (because the attempt to evacuate pushes the stool into the rectocele instead of out through the anus), discomfort or pain during evacuation or intercourse, constipation, and a general sensation that something is "falling down" or "falling out" within the pelvis. Severe cases may cause vaginal bleeding, intermittent fecal incontinence, or even the prolapse of the bulge through the mouth of the vagina, or rectal prolapse through the anus.