Saturday, February 5, 2011

Textual Intercourse

Brady: ug
Brady: Olive is licking pussy adjacent
me: what, her asshole?
Brady: no
Brady: just
Brady: her flank
Brady: I dunno
me: lol
me: dogs tend to do that
me: a lot
Brady: now she's licking her foot
me: better than licking foot then sniz, that would be just plain unsanitary. like wiping back to front
Brady: yes but now every step she takes is leaving a little pussy behind
me: gives a new meaning to pussyfooting around


It has come to my attention that little Chinese tranny boys are immensely entertaining:

Is That What I Think It Is?

No, I was not just on the receiving end of bukkake.  This is what the DIY pore shit looks like as a full face mask.  One tablespoon of gelatin, one tablespoon of milk: mix, microwave for 10 seconds or heat on LOW on the stove for a few seconds.  Test it on the back of your hand or the underside of your wrist to make sure it isn't too hot for you.  Let's not scald ourselves, ladies.  Afterward, wash with warm water and follow up with a moisturizer.  Oh, and don't mind the mustache: it's for MONSTER TRUCK REALNESS tonight.

DIY Beauty

flavored milk allegedly solves the odor problem
Remember pore strips?  Those are fun.  But they really are kind of pricey.  Well, fret not, dear gays, I will share a cheap method of creating your own pore cleansing mask.  I discovered this a while ago, but I only just now tried it.  It is super simple.  The only ingredients you need are milk and unflavored gelatin.  Mix equal parts of each in a cup (one teaspoon per ingredient is more than enough for a forehead and big Jew nose like mine), give it a quick stir, and microwave the mixture for ten seconds.  Brush the compound liberally on whatever surface of your face you want to remove pore buildup from.  Allow it to dry for approximately ten minutes or until you can feel it harden.  Peel it.  Marvel at the shit that used to be on your face.  Voila.  Let me warn you. . . after you microwave it, the shit will smell like funky cheese.  But it's so fun!  I did my forehead and nose, with great results.  I think I might do another round before I go to bed.  Enjoy!