Thursday, February 5, 2009

Apologies



I'm working on typing up a pretty good story, so in the mean time, here's that lame chain letter of 25 Things that's been going around Facebook. If you've already seen mine, then shut the fuck up and count yourself lucky to read it again.


1. I fell like I'm selling out by writing this.

2. My favorite short story is "Paul's Case" by Willa Cather.

3. No one taught me how to whistle when I was a kid. I taught myself in college, but I can only do one note.

4. A cat attacked me when I was 11, and I had to get 16 stitches on my head. It didn't hurt, but I now fear cats.

5. I loved how the antiseptic for the stitches made my pillow smell.

6. I'm obsessed with 80s sitcoms like Mama's Family, Golden Girls, and Murphy Brown.

7. I believe Taylor Momsen is a highly underrated actress. She's had exactly two amazingly emotional moments in Gossip Girl.

8. The only girl I ever dated was in 6th grade, and she's a lesbian now.

9. I once looked at a guy's Facebook page before our first date so I could pretend we had similar interests. I ended up disliking him, but I gained a few new favorite bands.

10. An old friend of mine drunkenly told me on several occasions that he was gay. I didn't know what to say, so I said nothing. He's now married, and I feel terribly guilty.

11. I apologize to people when I don't mean it to satisfy them.

12. I get really annoyed when people don't pick up after themselves, but when they do, it's never good enough for me.

13. I spent two weeks in China, and I decided not to visit the Great Wall. I regret it.

14. As part of my job I talk to old women about their vaginas and sex lives. I love it.

15. In grade school I got suspended because I was present when my friend told a girl that the grean beans he was eating tasted like her pussy. I didn't even know what "pussy" meant.

16. I used a bidet for the first time last year. It was life-changing.

17. I've been drinking up to 8 cups of coffee every day for a few months. I should really cut back.

18. I went to Spain when I was 15 and bought Shakira albums. I credit my success in the language to wanting to understand her lyrics.

19. For a few months I only ate vegetarian and drank soy milk. It was great.

20. I had a dream last night that I got in a fistfight with Stephen King because he was picking on me in the locker room. I know, wtf, I love him.

21. I'm Jewish, but there's something about Christmastime that I love.

22. I didn't listen to Katy Perry's "I Kissed A Girl" until last week because it bothers me that she used the same title as the 1995 Jill Sobule song.

23. I tell people I'm allergic to mayonnaise even though I'm not. It tastes terrible to me and makes me vom, but if I just tell people I don't like it, they scoff at me.

24. Poor grammar upsets me unless it's intentional. It really irks me when people misuse the subjunctive mood.

25. I wrote 20 of these last night, but my browser crashed. I only remembered 16 originals.

p.s. the spellcheck tool for blogger wanted me to changes "vaginas" to "vaginae." Vuh-jigh-knee