I Know Who You Fucked Last Summer

I hung out last night with a guy I went to school with. We had a great time making fun of everything. Our friend Jessica, or J. Phlip as she's now known, was spinning at a local bar so we checked it out. I remember having a calculus class with her, and she was very smart. I was like, "you're beautiful, talented, AND smart. This is bullshit! You're supposed to get knocked up junior year and become a 'nail technician.'" Luckily she proved that wrong, and now she's in SF and DJs at places like EndUp, so check her out!

We didn't really have any awkward interactions with people from high school whom we haven't seen in years. I did see a few people that I recognized but pretended not to. It's fun to see people who looks drastically different. What do you say to them? "Heeeey! You look. . . fat," or "Wow, I think I know the person you ate." The bartender was a girl with black hair that was intentionally tousled, asymmetrical hair and thick, nerd-chic glasses that are all the rage but are really so yesterday. She looked decidedly emo (cringe) and probably only smokes hand-rolled cigarettes.

[sidenote: Don't you hate those people who make a big deal of smoking only hand-rolled cigs? They always make a big fucking show of pulling out a bag of tobacco and paper. You know they practice at home for hours at a time so they can expertly roll the shit in front of people. Even if they roll them ahead of time, not in your presence, they make sure you know they did it themselves. Here's a thought: why don't you go hand roll a fucking anthrax cigarette and smoke it while jumping off a tall building with a stick of dynamite up your ass? kthxbye.]

Back to the bartender. She had a rather contrived look, and after staring at her for a while, I recognized her as a girl, Lizzie, I went to school with. I didn't let her know I recognized her, but instead I had an imaginary interaction:

"Hey, Lizzie, right?"
"No. . . my name is 'L.'"
"What? You were a fucking cheerleader! And you begged me not to tell your boyfriend that you smoked when I saw you with a cigarette."

That is all.

A Wank Down Memory Lane

I remember the first time I found out there was pornography on the internet. This was a novel experience because the internet as we know it hadn't been around for a terribly long time. It was right around the time Mortal Kombat 3 was released. I was trying to find information about the game, and I ended up on some page having to do with the people who modeled the characters. Apparently the girl who modeled for Sonya Blade, Kerri Hoskins, was also a Playboy model. I saw her boobs and was scandalized that such images were on the internet. The first gay porn site I found was the Manhole or something like that. It was 100% an accident! I seriously wasn't looking for gay porn, it just happened. It was a happy accident, and we've been together ever since.