Friday, February 13, 2009

Proper Motivation







It counts for a lot when finishing tasks. I found my seeing-eye faggot's MySpace page. His music is less than riveting, but that's okay. He won't be singing with his mouth full.




(It really doesn't get much gayer than that. Oh wait. . . )

Not Enough!



I like to watch the audition rounds of American Idol to see people's dreams dashed like baby seal heads. There's a blind dude in the competition: Scott MacIntyre. It's inspiring, he's gifted and amazing, blah blah blah. I was paying more attention to his helper guy (the one on the left in the picture). So fine. I was like, "fuck the blind guy, let's see more of this homo!" I did a little research (and I really mean a little, y'all know I can be lazy.) and the mystery queer is his brother Todd. What a gay name. Almost gayer than "Scott." I couldn't much on him. If I go blind, I'd like an attractive seeing-eye faggot too. You know the stereotype of blind people always asking to feel people's faces to get an idea of what they look like? And you know how one can eyefuck or eyerape somebody else? Well, according to the transitive property, when I go blind, it'll be okay for me to handrape hot guys. "Your honor, this is outrageous! I was simply getting a good look at his toned abdomen and firm, muscled, perfectly-haired taint. And prostate."

The name "Scott" is especially gay to me. Back in the day, I went with my friend K to see American Beauty. As we were talking in the theater before the movie started, I told her I liked dudes. She wasn't surprised, and one of her first questions was about how I was going to tell my parents. She said, "what are you going to do? Just show up when you're 22 and be like 'this is Sssscott.'?"

Thomas Dekker Is An Amazing Actor. . .



. . . because he doesn't come off as faggy in his Terminator show. He stank up E! last night with his gayness on Chelsea Lately. Seriously, he's so queer he sweats glitter. Props to him for being able to butch it up for television when he tries really hard. Chelsea joked that he didn't come off as gay as Jesse McCartney, and he thanked her for the compliment. Meanwhile he was probably thinking, "if you only knew. I have a giant buttplug in right now."

Shield Thin Eyes



(Here's a picture of Madonna's poor, unfortunate, and hairy offspring)
This is hideous. I'm sure you've all been dying to see Madonna's old school hairy snatch. Well, feast your eyes on this. You can zoom way in and everything. It's SO HAIRY. Ahhhhh! She totally has wrap-around pubes. Her bush is so thick all along her taint/perineum/chode/grundle/gooch (wow, there are a lot of words for that. Like Eskimos and "snow"), you just know her asshole is equally hirsute.