I like to watch the audition rounds of American Idol to see people's dreams dashed like baby seal heads. There's a blind dude in the competition: Scott MacIntyre. It's inspiring, he's gifted and amazing, blah blah blah. I was paying more attention to his helper guy (the one on the left in the picture). So fine. I was like, "fuck the blind guy, let's see more of this homo!" I did a little research (and I really mean a little, y'all know I can be lazy.) and the mystery queer is his brother Todd. What a gay name. Almost gayer than "Scott." I couldn't much on him. If I go blind, I'd like an attractive seeing-eye faggot too. You know the stereotype of blind people always asking to feel people's faces to get an idea of what they look like? And you know how one can eyefuck or eyerape somebody else? Well, according to the transitive property, when I go blind, it'll be okay for me to handrape hot guys. "Your honor, this is outrageous! I was simply getting a good look at his toned abdomen and firm, muscled, perfectly-haired taint. And prostate."
The name "Scott" is especially gay to me. Back in the day, I went with my friend K to see American Beauty. As we were talking in the theater before the movie started, I told her I liked dudes. She wasn't surprised, and one of her first questions was about how I was going to tell my parents. She said, "what are you going to do? Just show up when you're 22 and be like 'this is Sssscott.'?"
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