Thursday, August 19, 2010

These Bitches Are Not Role Models



I've been thinking about this topic for a long time. Why do we think it's okay for little girls to look up to these so-called Disney princesses? Let's take a look:

Sleeping Beauty:
She never had to do shit growing up with those fat ass fairies. She lived a carefree life picking berries, singing songs, and dancing around. But oh no! That wasn't enough for her. She was too cock-hungry to be kept in that beautiful woodsy cottage. Her ravenous twat led her to that prince, and then what? Bitch got lazy and took a nap INDEFINITELY. She'd only get out of bed for some dick. Is that how you want your daughter to be?

Alice in Wonderland (I know she's not technically a princess, but she warrants an entry):
First of all, this bitch was crazy and a liar. Oh, she was also a raging drug addict trying to fill the void inside, as evidenced by her willingness to down any substance put in front of her with glee. You just know that she after she woke up, she was going to spout that nonsense to everyone around her and get her ass locked up. She'd get better, and maybe have a semblance of a normal life, but one day she'll snap again. She'll start eating random mushrooms she finds, and if those don't kill her, she'll mistake a semi truck for a caterpillar and get run the fuck over.

Princess Jasmine:
She was restless and tired of her pampered life in the palace. Yes, her father was overprotective, but he should be. Enemies would gladly snatch her up and hold her for ransom. her solution is to canoodle in the dirty streets of her city and fall in love with a homeless boy. That is hepatitis waiting to happen. Oh yes, she has a pet tiger too. We all know how well that turned out for Roy Horn.

Ariel:
Someone sent me this video yesterday, and it really hits on all the points I had to say:







Cinderella:
Talk about a broke down ho. This poor bitch saw fit to just accept her shitty life with her cunty step-mother and -sisters, and not do shit to fix it. RUN AWAY. Anything would be better than her servant life. She'd be better off as a whore. She talks to animals all day, and just waits for things to change themselves. Her only course of action is to disguise her disgusting ass as someone she's not and trick the prince into liking her. Classic.

Snow White:
She's another one who didn't do shit. She, what? Cooked? Cleaned? Fine, she was a homemaker for seven little men who were probably all boning her silly. She wasn't satisfied with one little person, she had to collect seven little cocks. Then she too gets all lazy and takes a nap in a glass coffin, waiting for some real dick to wake her up. What a cunt.

Pocahontas:
She disobeys her father and runs off with the white devil. This never leads to anything good. Everyone knows it was a mistake to help those assholes over her own people, but here we are. I won't even get into the real story of how she was really just a rape victim, yada yada yada.

Belle:
At least she was smart. She was a fine, bookish young thing, but once again, she wanted much more than her provincial life. It was rather selfless of her to exchange herself to save her father though. That's where the trouble began. She fell in love with an animal, and became the biggest furry of them all. Her bestiality will never be forgotten. You KNOW she was disappointed when he turned back into a human. "Sooooo. . . no giant beast cock?"

Tiana:
At least this slunt had a job. TWO jobs. She was working hard to one day open her own restaurant. In the end however, she's a gold digger and relies on a man (a prince of course) to make her dreams come true. What happens when she's a little older and run-down from working in her restaurant? She'll be aged beyond her years, and she won't have time to care for herself. Her wrinkly face and saggy tits will drive her man into the twat of a younger woman--probably a waitress/aspiring restaurateur at her own place. You know she didn't get a pre-nup because she married for love, and everything is in the prince's name. She'll be left out on her ass; and due to the years of stress, she became a mean old bitch, so no one will hire her. She's fucked.


There was however one decent princess. I was going to say two, but the more I thought about Tiana, the more I realized she sucks, so I moved her into the shitty section:

Mulan:
She was a butch dyke at worst and a tranny at best. Duh, of course she sould be a role model.


The point is, don't let little girls in your life look up to these pieces of garbage. Slap the notion out of her, and tell her to get her ass on the stripper pole like any other child of a terrible parent.

You're Getting Cocky, Mario

These videos are long, but well worth it. I completely empathize with the narrator.





Lovely Little Tidbits

This is presented in a funny way, but the information about Sarah Palin and her family is based on truth.

You're a Prolific Writer, Ray Bradbury

True dis:


I'm Tripping



My sadness begins with a happy tale of a vacation six or seven years ago. I had a college friend who came from a small town in Massachusetts, so I spent a day with her family there, a day with her friend Mike in Boston, and several days at her family's house on Cape Cod. It was wonderful. We assembled a group of our Febo friends and spent the time playing, partying, eating, and cavorting on the beach. One day at the Cape, we were out shopping and stopped in a cute little store. The owner was a trendy, if somewhat snobby, young woman who specialized in Lilly Pulitzer and the like. Since Gay Mike and I weren't in the market for female clothing, there was nothing for us to do but browse, so we were a little bored. We focused our attention on the cheaply-made yet overpriced tacky jewelry. The bracelets were all on stretchy string and would actually compliment the bright colors of the clothing in the store. One of my female friends was talking to the owner in the center register, while Gay Mike and I were fondling the bracelets. We were talking and laughing, having a good kiki, when Mike's object of disdain/affection suddenly exploded, showering the floor with dozens of beads. We immediately look at each other, mortified, and hauled ass out of the store. We laughed about it while waiting for our friends to finish up inside. We were worried there was some kind of trouble, but we agreed that he couldn't show his gay face in there again. I headed back in to see what the hold up was, and they weren't even aware what had happened. I informed them, and they appropriately guffawed. They were almost done browsing, so I went back to fondling bracelets. Wouldn't you know the same damn thing happened to me? I was truly surprised, and once again ran right out of that bitch. I made such haste that I was still clutching some of the chunky beads in my hands. I met Gay Mike outside and showed him my shame, causing us to practically pee our pants.

I kept those three beads as souvenirs of my trip, and they eventually found their way into the bag I take to work every day. I keep them in a little pocket with my keys, backup chapstick, and several dollars in quarters that I for some reason insist on always having. At the beginning and end of the workday, I swap out my personal keys for my office key. This has been fine for almost two years now. While switching keys this morning, I noticed that I only have two beads. My heart sank. After all this time, I've lost track of one. I don't know when it could have been lost. I've been out of town a few times with my bag recently, so my special little nugget might be bringing someone else luck in San Francisco, Chicago, Las Vegas, or Dallas. I guess I should be grateful I still have two, but I feel a little empty today. The frustration of helplessness is the worst feeling in the world. Even when it's over something as little as a missing bead. I knew I should have strung them together as anal beads.