Tuesday, August 31, 2010

The End Is Nigh



This is some voodoo shit to me. I think it's how you open the Hellmouth. If you see some übervamps running around killing bitches, we need to call that lesbian witch STAT to make some slayers.

I Dream of Vaginie


What is that other opening to the right? Oh wait, my friend Keisha knows:



I had an interesting dream this morning. I'm grateful that I remembered it, since I have been having difficulty remembering my dreams lately. A nurse coworker was teaching me how to do a pap smear. Yep. I practice on a dummy vagina first. Rather, I should say dummy genitalia since the actual vagina is only the canal portion of a woman's ladyparts. I remember swabbing for cells on the cervix and swishing the brush around in the vial liquid. I was about to do the real thing. I remember being excited, and I said "alright, I'm about to insert the speculum" which I had already lubed up. Then just as I put it in, I woke up. Mercifully.

Monday, August 30, 2010

Pooping Back and Forth Forever

The innocence of that little kid here is KILLING me. This is going to be my go-to line when I want to gross people out.

Flashbacks

I have this song in my iPod, and I still love it. I always thought the blond guy was really cute.


The Faggot with the Dragon Tattoo



Wow, I can't believe I haven't thought to share this until now. Last month, I received a message on my IM program from someone I didn't recognize. I guess he didn't remember me at first either and wanted to know who I was. After a few minutes I realized who it was. He is a certain member of the local homosexual community, and to (somewhat lightly) veil his identity, I shall aptly refer to him as the Faggot with the Dragon Tattoo. I won't mention the particular conspicuous location of the ink.

We chatted months ago, and it never went anywhere. Since one of my favorite pastimes is to delete contacts and even unfriend people from Facebook, he didn't make the cut in the last round apparently. This time we talked a little bit, and he seemed nice enough. He sent me a friend request on Facebook, but I declined. This is why:

I searched for his screen name on Google, and it brought me to a profile page on a very peculiar website. At first I thought it was for furries, and I suppose I could have dealt with that. A little odd, but whatever. I enjoy yaoi, and that's probably soemthing a lot of guys aren't into. Upon closer inspection, I realized the website for which he had a profile was NOT what I thought it was. Firstly, he had posted several nude pictures of himself (I was not impressed). I quickly ascertained that it was not in fact a harmless website for people of the Furry persuasion, but people into bestiality. After clicking on the homepage, I noticed that the description was "the world's largest bestiality board." Oy. I thought for a moment, maybe it wasn't him, or maybe it was some bitter ex playing a mean prank. But no, all his interactions and comments to other members combined with his personal information confirmed that it was indeed him. His profile had a line in it with something like "sadly, I do not have experience with animals, but it's not for lack of enthusiasm." Wow. So I have not talked to him since, and I will not be communicating with dogfucker anymore. Or maybe he's a dogfuckee? I have a friend who seems to think it's gross but still more acceptable to let an animal fuck you than to fuck the animal. The line of thought is that it's sort of consentual that way, rather than outright raping an animal. I don't give a shit, I don't need to associate with someone who if given the chance would get his freak on with animals. What does it mean to havve enthusiasm for that anyway? Does that mean he's tried? Anyway, if you live in Central Illinois and see a homo with a dragon tattoo, he's climbing in yo windows, he's snatchin' yo doggies up, tryna rape 'em, so ya'll need to hide your labs, hide your mutts.

Zoophilia

Sheesh, ya'll.





I couldn't remember if it was spelled beastiality or bestiality (the latter is correct), and the search for the answer led me to some crazy places. First of all, there's this:




Yeah. Let that sink in, and deal with that shit for a minute.

Then there's artist Paul Avril whose work includes such masterpieces as this:



and this:



Any brief lesson on zoophilia is not complete without Mr. Hands. Oh, you don't know about him? Well, Mr. Kenneth Pinyan a.k.a. Mr. Hands had a hobby of being videotaped while horses fucked him. Yes. YES it's true. I'm sure you can find the videos somewhere if you are so determined. They are disturbing as hell. Anyway, one fateful day in 2005 an Arabian stallion perforated Pinyan's colon, and he later died of the injuries. See, you CAN get fucked to death. My brother was trying to argue that one cannot be fucked to death. His narrow mind could only conceive of being raped and murdered as two separate acts. But oh no. I've been trying to come up with examples, so I'll have to make sure to tell him about this one. The point is, there's a documentary about this guy called Zoo, that I've actually heard is good. I'll need to track it down now.

Friday, August 27, 2010

Boo, You Whore


Even though today was destined to be shitty day (and it did not disappoint in that respect), it started off great. I had a dream that I was a vampire and was sort of dating Vampire Bill from True Blood. I'm not particularly attracted to him, but in the dream he was HOT. There were no fangs, and there was no blood. Just lots of dry humping. We were in bed in our underwear, and I remember that he frightened the Black Baby Jesus our of me. Anyway, he was grinding himself on me and begging me to bone him. Mmm. Of course I woke up just before anything happened :(

So lady was singing the blues today, and I started getting frustrated at the littlest things. I was waiting forever to cross the street to my building, and it took so long I almost started to cry. Now I'm grumpy, starving, and I don't know what the fuck to make for dinner. I just want to eat fatty food, listen to sad songs, shoot things in a Wii game, and use several Bioré pore unclogging strips.

Thursday, August 26, 2010

The Tale of Lizzy Long Nose


A Chicago friend sent me this Craigslist find:


LIZZY LONG NOSE! - m4m - 24
(SOUTH SIDE)

HOLA CHONGA.....U BE SAY YO' NAME IS LIZZY LONG NOSE. I BE SEE YOU HANGIN OUT AT THE JEWEL ON KEDZIE AVE EVERY FRIDAY NIGHT. YOU SAY YOU GO INSIDE AND STEAL TAMPONS AND PIZZA PUFFS, AND NOBODY EVER GONNA CATCH YOU. I SEE THAT LONG ASS NOSE OF YO'S ALL THE TIME, AND IT LOOKS LIKE A WITCH NOSE GIRL. WHY DONT YOU COME ON OVA HERE AND WIGGLE THAT LONG ASS LATINA NOSE IN MY FACE, AND I AM GONNA KICK YOU IN THE MOUTH!

Location: SOUTH SIDE
Posting ID 1828644308



That just cracks me the fuck up. It brings to mind a chola version of Elphaba from Wicked. Cholphaba. Yes, I spent a few minutes on the iPad Brushes application whipping her up. Maybe some day I can witness the beauty that is Lizzy Long Nose.

Wednesday, August 25, 2010

Fleshy, Corpulent Butterball

This is why we need more robots in the world.

WWYB?




Whom would you blow? A friend of mine brought up the idea of creating a "cock-sucker time machine to go back and blow hot celebrities before they were train wrecks." According to him, Episode I is Elivs "mmm."

First of all, I had to rename it. His title really lacked pizazz, so I came up with Cock Ring Time Machine. Perfect, right? I however would go back in time to blow Paul Newman. Sexy, Jewish, philanthropic, blah blah blah.






If you could go back in time and service a celebrity, who would it be? I guess I'll include females on the off-chance that someone reading this is into that. I'm sure Rue McClanahan was hot in her day. Or Gael Greene? Well, she was always kind of boxy looking, but you know she's down to fuck.



Tuesday, August 24, 2010

Little Gems


My friend Brady and I like to text each other Gossip Girl-style text blasts of horrible people we see. I sometimes also tweet good ones, so I guess it might be worth following me on Twitter. There should be a link in the sidebar. Or don't, which in that case, fuck you. Anyway, here is one such blast I received today:


"Spotted: terrible faggot or regular lesbian"


It's true; they are sometimes interchangeable.

Monday, August 23, 2010

"The Childhood Ruiner"

That's what this picture file is titled. I'm just going to have to post a link to it. . .

The Childhood Ruiner

I'm all about Tarzan and Hercules' little action there.

NSFW



(This is the first picture that comes up for a search on "NSFW." WHAT THE FUCK??)


My brother recently started a new job. I like to send him little tidbit texts and questions when they occur to me during the day, but now I worry that someone will see my messages and get him in trouble. So I've been refraining until after work hours. I just don't want to get him fired because I send him something like "faggoty face Jew monkey."




Thursday, August 19, 2010

These Bitches Are Not Role Models



I've been thinking about this topic for a long time. Why do we think it's okay for little girls to look up to these so-called Disney princesses? Let's take a look:

Sleeping Beauty:
She never had to do shit growing up with those fat ass fairies. She lived a carefree life picking berries, singing songs, and dancing around. But oh no! That wasn't enough for her. She was too cock-hungry to be kept in that beautiful woodsy cottage. Her ravenous twat led her to that prince, and then what? Bitch got lazy and took a nap INDEFINITELY. She'd only get out of bed for some dick. Is that how you want your daughter to be?

Alice in Wonderland (I know she's not technically a princess, but she warrants an entry):
First of all, this bitch was crazy and a liar. Oh, she was also a raging drug addict trying to fill the void inside, as evidenced by her willingness to down any substance put in front of her with glee. You just know that she after she woke up, she was going to spout that nonsense to everyone around her and get her ass locked up. She'd get better, and maybe have a semblance of a normal life, but one day she'll snap again. She'll start eating random mushrooms she finds, and if those don't kill her, she'll mistake a semi truck for a caterpillar and get run the fuck over.

Princess Jasmine:
She was restless and tired of her pampered life in the palace. Yes, her father was overprotective, but he should be. Enemies would gladly snatch her up and hold her for ransom. her solution is to canoodle in the dirty streets of her city and fall in love with a homeless boy. That is hepatitis waiting to happen. Oh yes, she has a pet tiger too. We all know how well that turned out for Roy Horn.

Ariel:
Someone sent me this video yesterday, and it really hits on all the points I had to say:







Cinderella:
Talk about a broke down ho. This poor bitch saw fit to just accept her shitty life with her cunty step-mother and -sisters, and not do shit to fix it. RUN AWAY. Anything would be better than her servant life. She'd be better off as a whore. She talks to animals all day, and just waits for things to change themselves. Her only course of action is to disguise her disgusting ass as someone she's not and trick the prince into liking her. Classic.

Snow White:
She's another one who didn't do shit. She, what? Cooked? Cleaned? Fine, she was a homemaker for seven little men who were probably all boning her silly. She wasn't satisfied with one little person, she had to collect seven little cocks. Then she too gets all lazy and takes a nap in a glass coffin, waiting for some real dick to wake her up. What a cunt.

Pocahontas:
She disobeys her father and runs off with the white devil. This never leads to anything good. Everyone knows it was a mistake to help those assholes over her own people, but here we are. I won't even get into the real story of how she was really just a rape victim, yada yada yada.

Belle:
At least she was smart. She was a fine, bookish young thing, but once again, she wanted much more than her provincial life. It was rather selfless of her to exchange herself to save her father though. That's where the trouble began. She fell in love with an animal, and became the biggest furry of them all. Her bestiality will never be forgotten. You KNOW she was disappointed when he turned back into a human. "Sooooo. . . no giant beast cock?"

Tiana:
At least this slunt had a job. TWO jobs. She was working hard to one day open her own restaurant. In the end however, she's a gold digger and relies on a man (a prince of course) to make her dreams come true. What happens when she's a little older and run-down from working in her restaurant? She'll be aged beyond her years, and she won't have time to care for herself. Her wrinkly face and saggy tits will drive her man into the twat of a younger woman--probably a waitress/aspiring restaurateur at her own place. You know she didn't get a pre-nup because she married for love, and everything is in the prince's name. She'll be left out on her ass; and due to the years of stress, she became a mean old bitch, so no one will hire her. She's fucked.


There was however one decent princess. I was going to say two, but the more I thought about Tiana, the more I realized she sucks, so I moved her into the shitty section:

Mulan:
She was a butch dyke at worst and a tranny at best. Duh, of course she sould be a role model.


The point is, don't let little girls in your life look up to these pieces of garbage. Slap the notion out of her, and tell her to get her ass on the stripper pole like any other child of a terrible parent.

You're Getting Cocky, Mario

These videos are long, but well worth it. I completely empathize with the narrator.





Lovely Little Tidbits

This is presented in a funny way, but the information about Sarah Palin and her family is based on truth.

You're a Prolific Writer, Ray Bradbury

True dis:


I'm Tripping



My sadness begins with a happy tale of a vacation six or seven years ago. I had a college friend who came from a small town in Massachusetts, so I spent a day with her family there, a day with her friend Mike in Boston, and several days at her family's house on Cape Cod. It was wonderful. We assembled a group of our Febo friends and spent the time playing, partying, eating, and cavorting on the beach. One day at the Cape, we were out shopping and stopped in a cute little store. The owner was a trendy, if somewhat snobby, young woman who specialized in Lilly Pulitzer and the like. Since Gay Mike and I weren't in the market for female clothing, there was nothing for us to do but browse, so we were a little bored. We focused our attention on the cheaply-made yet overpriced tacky jewelry. The bracelets were all on stretchy string and would actually compliment the bright colors of the clothing in the store. One of my female friends was talking to the owner in the center register, while Gay Mike and I were fondling the bracelets. We were talking and laughing, having a good kiki, when Mike's object of disdain/affection suddenly exploded, showering the floor with dozens of beads. We immediately look at each other, mortified, and hauled ass out of the store. We laughed about it while waiting for our friends to finish up inside. We were worried there was some kind of trouble, but we agreed that he couldn't show his gay face in there again. I headed back in to see what the hold up was, and they weren't even aware what had happened. I informed them, and they appropriately guffawed. They were almost done browsing, so I went back to fondling bracelets. Wouldn't you know the same damn thing happened to me? I was truly surprised, and once again ran right out of that bitch. I made such haste that I was still clutching some of the chunky beads in my hands. I met Gay Mike outside and showed him my shame, causing us to practically pee our pants.

I kept those three beads as souvenirs of my trip, and they eventually found their way into the bag I take to work every day. I keep them in a little pocket with my keys, backup chapstick, and several dollars in quarters that I for some reason insist on always having. At the beginning and end of the workday, I swap out my personal keys for my office key. This has been fine for almost two years now. While switching keys this morning, I noticed that I only have two beads. My heart sank. After all this time, I've lost track of one. I don't know when it could have been lost. I've been out of town a few times with my bag recently, so my special little nugget might be bringing someone else luck in San Francisco, Chicago, Las Vegas, or Dallas. I guess I should be grateful I still have two, but I feel a little empty today. The frustration of helplessness is the worst feeling in the world. Even when it's over something as little as a missing bead. I knew I should have strung them together as anal beads.

Sunday, August 15, 2010

A Recommendation



I suppose this started because of Craigslist. Every now and then I find it amusing to check the local missed connections section. A few days ago, I found this gem:



Classy, right? From the tearing of the butt-cherry to shreds to the sweetening of the "nectar" with pineapple juice; this is a gem. And what's with the picture? The picture makes me think it's a joke, but really I don't think it is. Part of me wondered about this "Mitch" fellow, but the real issue was the podcast. What is ttodcast? Ever since Gay Pimpin' with Jonny McGovern ended, I've been in the market for a funny podcast. And a funny gay one would be perfect. I thought to myself this must be it. I checked it out and quickly learned that it is not in fact a gay podcast. But that's okay, because these kids are hilarious. The two hosts are film students at Columbia in Chicago. I've been listening to it often, and I'm loving it. They DO talk about a lot of dirty gay stuff, but from a straight perspective, which is interesting to me. And not a judgmental perspective, just different. I'm loving it, and I had to write to them to let them know about the CL post:

I live in Champaign and happened to notice the following post:
http://chambana.craigslist.org/mis/1875665420.html
Kind of creepy. But funny. And it led me to your podcast, so I guess whoever posted that is responsible for getting you more fans. So thank you, cock-hungry dude who posted on Craigslist.
-Me

I wasn't expecting any sort of response, but one of them was nice enough to write back:

Well we are glad to hear we have another fan. The mythological beast known only as "Mitch" has been spotted around the Champaign area, so it is no surprise those in that area crave his cock nectar. Feel free to email us or leave feedback in the iTunes store. As we continue to grow we will add new segments and such. Pass on the good word and keep an eye out for Mitch, he may save your life and take it away in the blink of an eye.

-TTodcast


Yeah, it turned into a plug for the show at the end; but damn, I would do the same thing. I can identify with the struggle to get exposure to one's work, so I even wrote a review at the iTunes store. Now I think you sluts should check it out. Subscribe, laugh your ass off, write a review, follow ttodcast on Facebook. Do it now. Kisses.

Friday, August 13, 2010

Shenaniginas


Pee-wee Herman said that if he had gone to trial back in the day when he was accused of abusing himself in a porn theater, he would have won. “Had we gone to trial, we had ready an expert from the Masters and Johnson Institute who was going to testify that in 30 years of research on masturbation the institute had never found one person who masturbated with his or her non-dominant hand. I’m right-handed, and the police report said I was jerking off with my left hand. That would have been the end of the case right there, proof it couldn't have been me.”

SHENANIGANS. If I could, I would put Pee-wee in jail. My dominant hand is my right hand, but I use my left for sexy fun times by myself. I can't use my dominant hand for that activity (duh, that's what balls are for). I could be the prosecution's star witness. Maybe I could just testify via webcam ;)

Another Good One

Oh there are some gems up on Craigslist right now!

At Least Someone Replied

It's nice to know I am appreciated.

Thursday, August 12, 2010

I'm a Bad, Bad Man

Brady brought the following Craigslist ad to my attention:



Ugh. The description of that guy is the definition of a shitty faggot. I felt I had to respond:



I am a bad person.

A Little More Personal (Raw)



Yes, that is a Lindsay Lohan reference. Get over it. I've kind of been going through it this week. I wanted to write a little something about observations I've made, but it feels weird to write something serious. So I will be peppering in cock jokes and whatnot.

Monday was a bad day. The worst I've had in a while. Which in the grand scheme of things, actually speaks to how well things have been going; the last few months have been pretty good. There was just a little drama. It was based on a misunderstanding, and I tried to make myself clear, but it didn't seem to work. I apologized anyway for how I had inadvertently hurt someone's feelings, but I never got the apology I was hoping for. It's okay though. It's a bump in the road, and it wasn't worth any more fighting. Shit happens. We're fine now, but things like that really affect me. I didn't even notice it until a day in, but I was bumming for a hot minute. When I get in a mood, it's apparently reflected in my current choice of music.

On Monday I just couldn't listen to the music I normally do when I walk around with my iPod. I also realize now that I was walking with my head down. It was some sad clown shit. Here are a few choice songs:









And then there's the queen of sadness. I don't care who you are, if you don't listen to this song and want to cry robot tears from your hard drive, you're a serial killer. It makes me emotional every time I listen. Turn the volume up, slut. Hear it, and really feel it; and you might have the same experience. It will be unique to you, but go through it, honey. Maybe it was the time your pimp killed a fellow ho and you were left alone on the stroll. Bitch, I don't know you.



I started feeling better after clearing the air Tuesday, and then confirming the cool that night. I was still listening to some sad shit, but yesterday got better. I had moved on to more angsty music.





A friend of mine appropriately described this song as "very Buffy-at-the-Bronze:"






Before this week, my recent soundtrack for the walk to work has consisted of (don't judge me) a mix of songs from the musical episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Dr. Horrible's Sing-a-Long Blog, and Hairspray. This morning I was still on some classical strings music, but I was able to enjoy an upbeat song a little later. So I think I'm about back to normal. I'm just a sensitive bitch.

Here's the movie version that includes my girl Ricki Lake. Damn I used to watch the original Hairspray so much as a kid with my mom. It's her fault I'm. . . the way I am.

Because You Asked Me

Not really, but it's been a minute since you had some man-woman love. Please enjoy.

How Did They Do This So Quickly?

I'm sure you know all about the disgruntled Jet Blue employee who yelled over the intercom on a plane and then sashayed away in the most dramatic fashion he could. Of all the news stories I've seen about it, this is by far the best.



Don't these things take a long time to make? Even without voices, isn't Pixar working on shit like this for years? Of course only the Chinese could churn this out. I love it. What I'm not sure I love is the mincing half-naked boyfriend waiting at their apartment. Seriously? We don't know if fthis motherfucker has a boyfriend, or if he's even gay. His profession does not define his sexuality. Just kidding, of course it does. He might as well be professional cockjuggler. They're gay. They're ALL gay. They could have at least kept the stereotypes going and decorated his home. The inside of that place looked like a crack den.

Wednesday, August 11, 2010

Too Good



I happened to ask on my Twitter account (@FatCamp) on August 5 "how does bonnie hunt still have a show?" I just noticed that someone (@Imontheradio) replied @ me that she does not in fact have a show anymore. Apparently it is in reruns until September 10. And then "I take it by your question you're not a Bonnie Hunt fan." I had to go back and see what I actually wrote, because I had it in my head that I wrote something like "why the fuck is that no-talent cunt Bonnie Hunt still on the air?" What I did tweet was completely benign, but what I really want to know is how Stephanie Foo happened across my tweet. We either have some followers in common, or (what I'm convinced is more likely:) she for some searched all of Twitter for Bonnie Hunt. Why would someone do that?? It is mind-boggling. When you do that search, what are you hoping to find? The hot juicy gossip on all things Bonnie Hunt?

Oh hahaha. Well, after a minute's worth of research, I see that Ms. Foo is just a superfan of BH. There are several @Imontheradio tweets on BH's page. I kind of want to bait Foo now. I just need to come up with something AWFUL to say about Ms. Hunt and wait for the magic to happen.


Sweet Dreams


I had a dream last night that I was taking part in one of those Food Network sugar competitions. I just remember pulling a packed sugar figurine out of a mold along with my co-chef (a sassy black woman of course). It was a little less than a foot tall, and it was our prototype. We knew if it went well, we would be making many more. It was a sugar statuette of Bea Arthur, complete with shoulderpads, gown shape, and what would eventually be a sequins clutch purse. This bitch was ready for the big charity ball! Sidenote: damn, those old bitches were always going to charity balls. Imagine how many jersey sequins super-scoop-neck-to-the-knee tops and floor-length skirts those twats had. !!! I know, right? I remember thinking that it was shaped so well and all we had to do was airbrush it. The interesting part was that it must have been brown sugar. I guess we were making Black Bea Arthur. You know that exclamation (well, you nerds might) "Merlin's beard?" Well, I want to start saying "Bea Arthur's beard!" It's not "fetch," I'm going to make this happen.

Tuesday, August 10, 2010

Inspired

I am so furious with myself for being beaten to the punch on this one. Here is an Inception-themed Craigslist posting that is a true gem. The tangent about childhood abuse is masterful.



I can only hope that somewhere out there is an obscure blog, unbeknownst to me, that has referred to my previous work on Craigslist posts:

The Golden Girls

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles

Twilight

It Was Only a Matter of Time

I love the brothers (or whoever the hell they are) who do the Auto Tune the News videos, and they put a great spin on this guy's video. You know I love a good rape anthem!


Saturday, August 7, 2010

Deep in the Heart of Texas


This is a rating system for your doodies. Which one are you?


Someone wrote "Mexicos sucks" on a bathroom was in Dallas, TX.


This is some little tree bit I noticed. You can guess why. This is about twice its actual size.

I was in Dallas the past couple days for work, and let me tell you IT SUCKED. Even people who live in Dallas hate it. First of all, it was 105 degrees the whole time, so I didn't even bother doing anything outside. My mega-meetings were fine, but I always have trouble during those. The portions that are novel to me are fine because they're at least interesting, but there's a lot of material that these people have to legally cover that I've heard thousands of times. They're very drawn out too. I'm very fidgety to begin with, and sitting in one spot for 8 hours trying to pay attention is difficult. For the parts where I'm not taking notes, I find that there's only one thing I can do to stay awake: doodle. I was constantly drawing in the margins in school, and it actually helps me stay focused and awake. The essential topic of my conference was irritable bowel syndrome with diarrhea. Yeah. IBS-d sounds super fun. I learned all kinds of things, like how to rate your shit in terms of consistency. And that scientists developing new drugs do fun and terrible things like get monkeys addicted to heroin to rate the addictive potential of investigational drugs that contain narcotics. Or that to study the effects of an IBS drug on mice, one has to perform mustard oil enemas on them. Hot stuff. I also learned that I really need to cut back my consumption of tylenol, or my liver is going to be FUCKED. Anyone have tips for dealing with arthritis pain? No? You mean the average person in his 20s doesn't have advice for self-treating acquired arthritis? Fine. Well, check out a couple doodles I banged out. One is my depiction of IBS, and the other side is just. . . I don't know. Just tell me you like it. Oh, I'm also including a couple random shots of things I encountered during my day and half in Texas.



iTunes Recommendations: You're Doing It Right

This could not be any more appropriate. I usually don't pay attention to the side bars on iTunes that recommend what music I should buy. When I do notice them, sometimes they are way off base, and I have to wonder how they came up with two completely unrelated artists. This recommendation is 100% accurate; but NO, I will not buy her shitty music,

Tuesday, August 3, 2010

Taste the Rainbow

I want to. This "Randy Rainbow" fellow is cute! But you already knew I like skinny, pale white guys. I've only watched a couple videos, but he's kind of funny, and I enjoy looking at him, so I thought I should share with you sluts. Oh, you can also browse his website here: The Randy Rainow Bloggity BlAHg-BLAHg.



UPDATE: He's Jewish! I knew it! Pardon me while I move to New York to stalk him, "accidentally" meet him, and make him fall in love with me.

Monday, August 2, 2010

Dear, Mr. Mayor

I can't believe I forgot to post this! I forgot how hot San Francisco's mayor Gavin Newsome is. Damn. He looks like Patrick Bateman. Mmmm crazy and sexy. I looked up a few pictures of him and saw one that was begging for Photoshop. While I don't have and photoshop skills, I have rudimentary Microsoft Paint skillz. Please enjoy. I did.