Inspired

I am so furious with myself for being beaten to the punch on this one. Here is an Inception-themed Craigslist posting that is a true gem. The tangent about childhood abuse is masterful.



I can only hope that somewhere out there is an obscure blog, unbeknownst to me, that has referred to my previous work on Craigslist posts:

The Golden Girls

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles

Twilight

Mashup

This is how Twilight should have been:

In Dreams

I had a dream that my friend Brady and I were vampires, and we were searching for a companion to turn and spend our lives with. We could go in the sun and everything, but thankfully we were not sparkly. It was fun, I was jumping off buildings and such.

Then the dream shifted to my family throwing me a surprise wedding to Robert Pattinson, whom I had been dating. Only, on the invitations they referrred to him as "Mr. Edward 'Ice' Cullen," and I was pissed that they put the wrong name. Note that I never once saw him in the dreams.

It Started With A Dare, Part Trois

It finally occurred to me what a great and funny scenario Twilight would be!

Now this isn't quite what I wanted to post, but I had some trouble trying to get the first one up, so it wouldn't let me repost the original. I had to tweak the wording, so it's not quite what I was going for, but acceptable nonetheless. Oh, and this is what the original picture was going to be:

But guess what? NO ONE replied! Not a single response. What the hell? "I want to suck your. . . cock" is great! Come on, son!

Tired Moon

I suffered through two hours of New Moon this afternoon. It was entertaining in that it was terrible and unintentionally funny. Don't get it twisted, it was no Showgirls. Afterward we tried to decide who was the worst actor. It was tough. Kristen Stewart is awful and clearly has difficulty emoting. Her feelings chip must be on the fritz. Robert Pattinson seemed to be concentrating so hard on his lame American accent that he forgot to act. The Cullen family is also the worst, with Alice's peppy vampire portrayal leading the worst pack. And the mother figure has a misshapen head that is so distracting. Bella's father is alright; and I hate to say it, but Taylor Lautner as the werewolf Jacob was decent--even if he suffers from a severe case of gayface (and jailbait). My favorite was hands-down the firecrotch Victoria, who has no lines in the movie. The best moments of the movie were from a chase scene in the woods accompanied by a Thom Yorke song.

Twilight is just annoying and perplexing. There is no reason whatsoever for Bella and Edward to like, totally love each other like they do. Not one. She's an ungrateful bitch who screws everyone else over. Her friends fall over themselves trying to please her, yet she just shits all over them. And how many fucking pairs of denim shorts does werewolf Jacob own?