Thursday, July 29, 2010

Maybe It's Maybelline



I forgot to mention something about my webcam adventures. I most definitely powdered my face beforehand. What? I didn't want to be too shiny. You really have to beat the face a lot in order not to look shiny. OH also a follow up. . . I took Brady's advice and didn't reveal anything, staying only long enough to snatch a guy off to a messenger service. Wow. That was some good shit. I was in such a terrible mood today, but after all that, I feel fantastic. I'm digging the one-on-one snizness.

So You Can Run and Tell That, Homeboy!

No explanation necessary:

Tuesday, July 27, 2010

Ms. Adventures Part II: It Do Take Nerve


(note: this is not me in the picture, I just really REALLY enjoy this guy)

Alright, I have to warn the children on this one. It's kind of dirty. If you're familiar some of my early work, then this won't faze you. And if you're a family member reading this, you might just want to skip it. Please.

Anyway. There is a certain website I frequent that consists of guys and webcams and you can type/chat at the same time. The guys come in an extreme variety. There are plenty of SUPER sizzling hot guys to check out doing all sorts of naughty things, and there are of course some nasty things you would wish you hadn't seen. Like a man sticking an entire eggplant up his ass, then shooting it out. FOR REALSIES. Oldies, and fatties, and fisting, OH MY! The point is that there is something for everyone there.

I mostly just browse. Brady is always sending me links to guys with giant cocks (he's a size queen), but I'm more into guys who are serving FACE. He does know what I like and throws me a bone every now and again. Before this story, I had on one occasion performed before. It was while I was on vacation (sorry, Sunshine! you were just downstairs), and I was feeling particularly sexy in this hot asymmetrical harness I picked up at an SF leather store. It was a liberating experience, and a total boost in confidence. My self-esteem had been dealt some blows this year from some shitty guys and bad dating experiences, so the attention was welcome. I imagine it comes from the similar place of issues that motivates strippers to do what they do. I felt very desired and didn't have to deal with any jackasses in person to do it. I also have really good moneyshots, so there's that.

Last weekend, I was in a mood, and decided to sniz it up on cam. It was really fun, and I put on a little show. Some people prefer to just tease until they find someone to go off and private with or Skype/MSN/whatever. I think that's rude. Give the people what they want, to an extent. There will always be the people who write in all caps what they want from you. COCK. ASS. SHOW HEAD (that would be the head of the penis). FEET. TOES. Of course, do only what is comfortable for you. There is a surprisingly large number of people with foot fetishes on there. Whatever, I'm cool with that. Damn I just tried to find a post I thought I did about a guy with a foot fetish, but I guess I never shared that one. . . I suppose I'll have to write that up soon.

Anyway, three nights ago I had the notion to relive my experience, and I logged on. I was just chatting for a while, letting people compliment me, yada yada, and I had only just taken my shirt off when someone (without a picture) said I looked familiar. Great. Of all the thousands of viewers and hundreds of broadcasters, someone I know finds me. He asked where I was, and I told him Illinois. Then he hinted at the city, and I said yes. He said he recognized my tattoo. Fuck. There goes my career in anonymous porn, unless I get some tat coverup from Sephora. Mental note. I asked if he worked close to me, because I thought he might have been the guy from Snizdr I mentioned in the previous post. But no. He hinted that we see each other often and have personally met, but that didn't really help me. Instead of being creeped out as perhaps a normal person would be, I was intrigued. The next clue helped me narrow it down to a certain event I go to every week, so my next guess was that he was a guy I slept with some years ago who also attends. Wrong. I forget if there was something specific, but it dawned on me who it must be, and I just had to smile. I was not expecting it to be him. As far as the show went, I did clam up. It felt awkward, and I really enjoy the weekly event, so I didn't want to ruin that. We exchanged messenger information and chatted for a little while, and I left the viewers disappointed that night.

The following night I was back for more, and without the guy who spooked me present, I snizzed it up like never before and loved every minute of it. Cut to last night. By the way, I think I'm getting addicted to this shit, so I need to back off. I can't help that I have issues and crave the adoration of strangers. I should probably work on that. Whatever. Anyway, last night as I was getting going, I think the shirt might have been off already, I can't recall, Spook shows up again. We exchange witty banter for a while, and he offered to leave the viewing if it made me uncomfortable. Honestly, it kind of did, but I feel like it shouldn't, so I wanted to work through it. I just warned him that I would be closing our chat. Knowing he's watching is one thing, but having him direct me is quite another. When it came down to it, I did the deed, but my nerves definitely got to me. I was nervous and even though they seemed to like it, I felt my performance was lacking. It just didn't seem as exciting as it should have, and I attribute that to being self-conscious about Spook being there. In the future, if he's there, I think it would be best to log out for it. Although he won't be able to chat or react, I won't hold back because I feel a little funny. And I don't mind that he's seen it, it's just one of those out of sight, out of mind things.

We'll see what happens. It's fun and everything, but I'm sure people will get tired of me. The thing is with all the people on there, you're bound to find someone who loves what you've got. It's a great system. There are 60-year-old men with assholes stretched out like a wool cap pounding themselves with machines, and there are plenty of viewers who LOVE LOVE LOVE it and praise them for it. It reminds me of what Adele Givens had to say in The Queens of Comedy. It's something like "if you bucktoothed, baby, don't worry. There's a man in the house right now don't want nothin' less than a bitch that can bite an apple through a picket fence." I have a regular who claims he's in Dubai and coming to the States next year for university. Sure. He's in love. I will never, ever be telling him any detailed personal information. A good friend of mine once told me DON'T GET MURDERED, and I plan on taking her advice.

Ms. Adventures Part I



I heard about a particular iApp a while ago that is a "dating" program for men and organizes them based on proximity. The subject came up again while on vacation with my friends, and we joked that we should download it and see who all was there. For whatever reason, we never did. I finally remember to do it when I was back in town. Let's call it Snizdr.

At first I didn't put a picture up, just age and whatnot. So then one day while I was at work, I decided to sign in to see who might pop up. Just for a kiki. Lo and behold, it revealed that someone was THIRTEEN feet away! I scampered off that shit as fast as my skinny little fingers would allow. It didn't really matter though. The damage was done. Even when you sign out, it shows that you were online recently and says how far away you are unless you have it set to hide location (which at the time I didn't know was possible). There's a short homo I've spied in the office next to mine. I can just tell, you know how it is. But we've never spoken; I think we've exchanged hellos once or twice. I haven't seen him up close, but I don't think I'm into him. Anyway, I'm sure he spooked me, so I haven't signed on at work since. When I told Lila about it, I also told her about a story of a 19-year-old using the app to find a guy and kill him. She had this to say: "DON'T GET MURDERED." Yikes. This story does somewhat relate to what is coming next. It's a good one! Hold on to your panties, ladies.

Okay Sure

I don't know what is happening here or why, but I love it. Did everyone get served or did no one get served? Or maybe we, the collective viewers, were served. Yeah, I think that's right.

Monday, July 26, 2010

What in the Sideboob Hell Is This?



Woof, it looks like Foxy Brown has been slipping. Back in the day, when she and Lil' Kim were relevant, I was on Team Kim. Duh. If you know me, then you know I wrote my university entrance essay about Lil' Kim and included a picture of her topless. Because we're both classy like that. I grudgingly enjoyed Foxy's album Chyna Doll in high school. I even admitted it in an article I wrote for my highschool newspaper. It was kind of fun, but mostly ridiculous, but still nowhere near as inventive as Lil' Kim's lyrics. Then, because I'm a terrible person, I was secretly pleased when Foxy lost her hearing. They thought it would be permanent, which was kind of sad, but really I didn't give a fuck. I thought of it as karma for daring to besmirch the glorious creation that is Kim. I haven't seen her in years, much less thought about her, which is why this picture is so surprising. I didn't realize she had gotten so thick--which isn't a bad thing. Oh no, thick can certainly be beautiful. It's the titties that are killing me. Check out that sideboob! That is intense sideboob action. She just looks like she's spent way too many years not wearing a bra. Do yourself a favor, girl, and get a breast lift STAT. The bootleg Xena fetish outfit isn't helping things either. I suggest investing in coursets and girdles. I remember she used to talk trash about homosexuals in her raps. This must be the recourse: now she has no queers around to say "oh HELL no" and stuff her ass in some spanx. Again, karma is a mean, bitchy faggot.

Sunday, July 25, 2010

A Tranny a Day Keeps the Mainstream Away

Okay, not a real tranny, but he's played one on TV! Michael Serrato has been doing this improv character for years, and if you saw the first season of The Big Gay Sketch Show, you got to see her in action. She's all about cutting a bitch and eating.


Friday, July 23, 2010

I Cant Wait to Be Old



My brother to me:

I just talked with Gma for 2 hours. not bad, she was saying crazy shit. ie "i thought that if one of you two (you & me) were going to turn up gay, it'd be you." thanks, Gma

Bootleg Alias



I'm really getting into this new USA Network show Covert Affairs. It really is like a bootleg version of Alias (one of the best programs EVER). Piper Perabo is Anne, the main character who is a newbie at the CIA. Part of the reason I enjoy this show so much must be that she bears a striking resemblance to Jennifer Garner's Sydney Bristow of Alias. She even has similar speech patterns and mannerisms. I should keep an eye out for her tucking her hair behind her ear: Syd's trademark. Anne is a littler more relaxed and loose compared to Sydney's uptightness. She's not as badass as I'd like her to be, but I think she'll get there. She is after all new to the CIA, whereas we meet Sydney seven years into her tenure of the espionage trade. Sendhil Ramamurthy also costars, and he's kind of annoying. After a couple seasons on Heroes, I really came to loathe him. The Eyebrow King, Peter Gallagher, also costars as a higher-up at the agency. Whatever, he's alright. I still think of him as Sandy from The O.C. Playing the part of Anne's older sister who is in the dark concerning her spy status is Anne Dudek, one of the white bitches White Chicks. I could never imagine her in a serious role, but she really impressed me! That is partly due to her more brunette shade now, it just makes her easier to believe. Sorry, blondies. Remember Henry the hot nerd from Ugly Betty?



Mmmm I do. He costars as a blind agent. EYEROLL. He is so terrible at it, that it is almost laugh-out-loud funny at times. In the pilot, he literally looked actors in the eye several times. He needs blind lessons. Anyway, they need to wise up and just have him shirtless all the time. It's hard to say how the show will shape up, but it looks promising. After only two episodes, I'm still interested in what will become of the characters, and the mysteries that are starting to build. It seems this program will blend light mythology into stand-alone episodes, which is a compromise I can respect. I prefer mythology-heavy series, but networks frown on that, instead usually opting for Law & Order: Bullshit format. The intro is atrocious, and much too light-hearted for my taste. It's cartoony and too much fun. Tone that shit down. The action is decent, and I do love me a girl fight! Here is the ultimate in girlfighting, from the season two finale of Alias (LILA, MY LOVELY ROLLERSKATING FRIEND ON THE WEST COAST, IF YOU'RE READING THIS, DO NOT WATCH THE VIDEO, SPOILER ALERT, HO!):

Schooling the Children




We have this glorious model of woman's inner workings at my office. It's a promotional model for the Nuvaring. It is so fun! You get to see all the biznass, PLUS there's a mock Nuvaring on a string that you can practice sticking up the sniz! How amazing is that? Then you press a button, and it zooms out of the sniz! It is way too much fun. It gets better:



Nice! It even comes with a snatch-for-dummies diagram, for you queers out there who don't know your way around a lady crotch. I'm seriously going to figure out how I can get one of these models for myself. I would proudly display it in my apartment. PROUDLY.

Wednesday, July 21, 2010

Siiiiiigh



"For whatever reason, I attract the crazies; and it's sad, cuz I'm no one special."

SO TRUE. Looking at this faggy Bill Cosby from The Real World is EXHAUSTING.


This Bitch Over Here



Brady: ug

Brady: I just had to watch the trailor for EAT PRAY LOVE

me: Eat Pray Smug

Brady: awful

Brady: Good for this bitch. She has the money to fly around the world

me: i hate julia roberts, i hate that book, i hate people who like that book, and i preemptively hate that movie

Brady: that's what i thought of

me: this bitch over here can just take a year off her life

Brady: I hate when people with nothing better to do and money go around saying how you should do shit

me: and go be a pretentious cunt

Brady: YES

Brady: and now get a book and movie deal

Brady: and I'm sure she goes on Oprah and talks about how zen she is as she cashes the checks

Brady: fuck you

me: i hope she chokes on her organic bullshit vegan salad that i'm sure she praises to all her friends as the only way to eat

Brady: yeah famous people who tell the country to do shit like that are awful

me: GWYNETH PALTROW

Brady: sure it's easy to be healthy when you can pay for shit

me: i want to strangle GP

Brady: and her macrobiotic diet

Brady: I don't even know what that means

me: it means rich and gullible

Tuesday, July 20, 2010

Who's a Cool Straight Man? THIS Guy.




I guess this story ran a while ago, but I just discovered it. This kid, Hudson Taylor, is pretty cool. He's straight, but he's fighting for gay rights. The world really needs more people like him and fewer people like Fred Phelps. A friend of mine finds it annoying, saying he doesn't like when people do good deeds and go around talking about them. Ha, he says it makes them seem like douches. I agree with that sentiment in some situations. On the plane back from vacation a few weeks ago, this old bitch behind me kept talking about how she was going down to New Orleans to help out with the oil spill. UGH. EYEROLL. Us knowing about your good deed is not helping anything. Anyway, check this out:


When Hudson Taylor proposed to Lia Alexandra Mandaglio, it was fitting that it was the same night they saw the movie "Milk." The story about a pioneering gay rights advocate meant a lot to the couple.

Back at Mandaglio's condominium in Washington DC, Taylor, a University of Maryland wrestler, presented her with a signed edition of Martin Luther King's book "Why We Can't Wait." She didn't wait, and said yes. They will be married on Sept. 24, 2011.

"The proposal is a big event not to be taken lightly," Taylor said. "We're both very progressive and very outspoken in LGBT and feminist issues." The book "symbolized how we felt and how we would act," and was "very fitting for the engagement."

Being outspoken and passionate is nothing new for Taylor, 36-2 this season and ranked No. 3 in the country in the 197-pound NCAA wrestling weight class. In addition to being a champion wrestler, he is an academic All American with his eye on law school and a possible future political career.

It's his outspoken support for gay rights, though, that makes him unique in the athletic world, where straight allies are few and far between. Not many athletes would wear a Human Rights Campaign sticker on their headgear in competition.

"For me and my generation, [LGBT rights] is a pressing issue," said Taylor, 23, a native of New Jersey. "I believe that whatever history I'm a part of, I'm responsible for. If I feel something is unjust or unequal, I feel a responsibility to do something about it."

Taylor puts his money where his views are, donating each month to HRC, a leading gay rights organization. But his greatest impact is trying to counteract the aura of homophobia that pervades sports. He does this by bringing up gay rights in media interviews and discussing the issue with teammates, despite the discomfort it might bring. He was brought to the attention of Outsports by a gay former University of Maryland athlete who knows and respects Taylor.

"It's tough being a college athlete," Taylor says. "Guys like to bring each other down and use hurtful words. But I think you need to be conscious of your thoughts, words and actions."

While few sports are very gay-tolerant, wrestling can sometimes be even less so because of the stereotypes surrounding the sport. Its athletes wear skin-tight singlets and opponents literally grab and embrace each other in close contact, each trying to dominate the other, so "outsiders could see it as being a homoerotic sport," Taylor said. The result is that wrestlers "often need to reaffirm to others their quote, unquote, ‘masculinity,' and to show and strut their bravado."

While Taylor spoke positively about his teammates, he will challenge them if he hears language demeaning of gays. "A common way to degrade a teammate is to call them a ‘fag,' " said Taylor, who hesitated even saying the word in our interview. "This is not unique to wrestling, but a common discourse for many male sports teams. It's important to address it publicly and say something in front of the team."

As captain and a fifth-year senior, Taylor has status on the team to be heard. But he says he often has a bigger impact with younger teammates than with his peers, whom he fears sometimes roll their eyes when he starts in on gay rights talk, saying it's just Hudson. There are, though, those breakthrough moments when he and a teammate will have a meaningful dialogue and "I think I make a difference."

His gay rights advocacy has its limits, though, as he discovered when he started wearing the HRC logo, with its yellow equal sign on a blue background, during competition earlier this season. He never heard anything from an opponent, figuring they didn't know what the logo stood for (and were too busy wrestling to worry about it). But it did cause trouble with his teammates, who told him things like, "don't wear that shit," and "save your statements for off the mat."

Taylor reluctantly stopped wearing the HRC logo after a month, but said the decision was "really difficult for me." He complied with his teammates' wishes, because "after a while it felt like it was taking away from my wrestling and people were more concerned about my statements than by my [performance]. ... I feel bad not wearing it." After his wrestling career ends this March at the NCAAs and his activist period starts in earnest, though, "it's world watch out," he says.

His passion for gay rights is borne more out of righting a wrong than of having a lot of gay friends. The two maids of honor for the wedding are lesbians in a relationship, but he said he does not have a close gay male friend. He also does not know of any gay collegiate wrestlers (though he has heard some names) and said he was not sure if a gay wrestler would be accepted. When he gave an interview to a wrestling website that mention his passion for gay rights, he was labeled gay on a discussion forum.

Family history

Taylor's zeal for causes is steeped in his genes. He was born Hudson Taylor IV, and comes from a long line of missionaries. One ancestor, James Hudson Taylor, was among the first Christian missionary in China in the mid-1800s. His parents are both strong Christians and there has been "a lot of pressure to be a person of faith," Taylor says. While he has philosophical disagreements with his parents over religion, they did instill in him a strong sense of inclusion over exclusion.

But he and his parents don't see eye to eye on some issues, and this even initially extended to Taylor and Mandaglio's decision on what their last name will be once they are married. This is how he explained their thought process in an e-mail:

My fiancée [a law student] and I are feminists and have a pretty significant problem when it comes to taking a last name. A lot of contemporary couples keep their own last names, which is great and something we are considering. But, we want to have the same name. We could hyphenate them. But, our surnames are our fathers' surnames, and their fathers' surnames, and their fathers' surnames etc.

Even if we decided to take our mother's maiden names, we'd still be operating in a patrilineal naming system. We find it pretty disturbing that male names have been "labeling" people for hundreds of years. Matrilineal surnames and non-sex-based surnames don't really exist. So, we decided to just pick our own -- fresh, equal, ours. That way, we can share a name that does not perpetuate patrilineage. My parents were upset in the beginning. But, I asked them: "Why is it that no one cares if my sisters abandon their surnames to adopt the names of their husbands, but everyone panics when I want to abandon my surname to adopt a new name with my spouse?" My parents understood, and as always, are very supportive.

The current choice for last name is Wilde (not after Oscar; but after our future daughter, India Wilde).

For now, though, Taylor is finishing up his studies and wrestling career at Maryland. He created his own major, Interactive Performance Art, which combines art, theater, American studies and philosophy. He hopes to create art that is more meaningful and more powerful and sends a political message by making it interactive between the audience and performer. He is still working on his senior fuck this school shit, which he hopes in some way will deal with LGBT issues.

He's also obsessed with magic and attends monthly meetings of the Society of American Magicians. He loves card tricks, and works constantly on sleight of hand and learning techniques (check out some of his card tricks). "I carry a deck of cards everywhere I go. In fact, I have a deck of cards even as we speak," he said during our interview.

Taylor hopes to work some magic on the mat at the NCAA wrestling championships, March 18-20, in Omaha, Neb. He has been dominant this season -- his 36-2 record includes wins in his last 13 matches. His last loss was a 5-4 decision to top-ranked Jake Varner of Iowa State, whom he might face again in Omaha. Taylor has finished third nationally the last two years, but says his "confidence is at a different level" this year. (March 20 update: Taylor finished fourth at the NCAAs).

Though Taylor's collegiate athletic career ends in a month, wrestling might continue to play a role in his future family.

"My fiancee and I joke that we're gonna have the first openly gay national champion and it's going to be the best thing ever."

Hudson Taylor can be reached via e-mail at: hudson.taylor4@gmail.com





Cool! He also started a site where you can go and write why you fight:
http://www.whydoyoufight.org/ I wrote "so my kids won't have to." Right? Power to the people.

Here's a cute video of him:




Sunday, July 18, 2010

Ha



From a friend:

I changed my [dating profile] location to San Fransisco to see what the guys are like and I will admit that there were a lot of hot guys. Well, hot bodies anyway. Usually they would have busted faces, over tan themselves, or dye their hair a[Kimmy] gibbler shade of blond (or any combination of the 3). But also there were quite a few hot guys with hot faces. Anyway. Most were looking for sex. Maybe the moral of the story is don't look for people to date online. Or being gay and not being a whore is a hard life.
Oh also this was someone's profile line "i like me some penis!!!!!!!"

Friday, July 16, 2010

Alejandro!

Remember than annoying ass bitch from whatever season of Heroes? Yeah, the Mexican one. Woof, her plotline needed to be aborted soooo bad. That was unfortunate, I really like that actress. She was sexy and fun in X-Men: The Last Stand.


Thursday, July 15, 2010

Thanks, Bro

My brother was nice enough to go to my place during lunch yesterday and turn on my airconditioning on since it was so insanely hot. While there, he left me this sticky note, attached to the inside lid of my trash can:

Not This Again

I've tried watching the new season of The Real World: Back to New Orleans. (for starters this is sacrilege, as the original New Orleans was a fantastic mess. Mormon Julie and HOT as fuck Danny with his seekret boyfriend. Perfect trash). I don't know if I'm going to be able to make it through any more episodes. It has always been a shitshow, but at least it was entertaining before. Now it just kind of hurts to watch. It's terrible and has lost its fun. Like Lindsay Lohan, you just can't enjoy the misery anymore. Because I would sooner slash my own throat than write detailed notes on an episode of this season of TRW, I'll just touch on a few points.

Ryan Leslie. This motherfucker:



He's a fourth-generation hairstylist, and claims to be straight. Fine. He's 21 and says he's a virgin. Okay, totally possible. Not everyone is a slut like you, after all. When their shitty roommate Preston (I'll get to his busted ass) makes a big production of going off to hook up with a guy, Leslie is disgusted. He made some uncalled for comments, which really just make me think he's in the closet himself. It's like he wants to defend the position that straight guys can be hairstylists, but can't admit that he's gay because the last thing he wants to do is be a stereotype. Fuck off and die, faggot. Jesus. He'll be out of the closet in a couple years, don't you worry. Just like Stephen from Seattle. Remember him? And the slap heard 'round the world? Oh that was fantastic. That bitch Irene had it coming. Not really, but her face was so slapable.

Preston. Ugh. UGH. BLARF. He is the worst. He makes me ashamed of my people. Black people that is. No, really, he sucks. He seems like a terrible person, and I would hate him in real life. First of all, he claims to be a stylist and have an amazing fashion sense. FALSE. This bitch is telling lies. Look at this asshole. He looks like a faggoty Bill Cosby:



I wouldn't trust him to style anything but a bowl of Jell-O. He and allegedly-in-the-closet Leslie don't get along, and they start pulling stunts. Leslie wipes his ass with Fagsby's cigarettes or something, and Mr. Huxtable uses Leslie's toothbrush to clean the toilet for a while and pees on it. I guess Leslie gets really sick and has to go to the hospital, and complains that it was because of the homo's shenanigan. Police were called, blah blah blah. Whatever, you know it wasn't the toilet's fault. Leslie probably got gonorrhea of the throat from dIsKrEeTlY blowing guys in bathrooms.

Monday, July 12, 2010

Trannylicious

I know I post about trannies practically every day, but I wasn't looking for this one. I swear. It came up in a completely unrelated YouTube search. It's good though! This tranny has some fun songs. I recommend heading over to iTunes and getting the album. It's silly fun.


Sunday, July 11, 2010

Fat Tranny

Why Do I Love Thee?



Well, my love for Drop Dead Diva is back. I watched it last year when I was incapacitated and had nothing else to see. I grudgingly enjoyed it. It's silly and ridiculous, but it has its good points. The star is a thick girl, which is pretty awesome. She can act her ass off, and she has a good singing voice (which they really had to contrive to work into the show). It's cool to see a big girl in a starring role instead of some skinny bitch. Margaret Cho co-stars, and she's decent. I mean, she doesn't exactly shine when she can't talk about pussy, cock, and shit. There are also some great guest stars like Rosie O'Donnell, Paula Abdul (yuck, but yay if you're into her), and Faith Prince. Faith who? She was the wife of the mobster in that fantastically terrible Barry Gordon's The Last Dragon, which I hear is being remade. Blarf. She was also in some Encyclopedia show on HBO when I was a kid, and I loved that shit. She sings and has a funny voice and is great. She's put on a little weight in the face, but whatever, so have you. My favorite part of the show is the main character's guardian angel: Ben Feldman. Yum. Perfect. He also sings, but I guess he has an okay voice, so it's tolerable. I think he's made my list of top 3. Among them is Alexander Skaarsgard of True Blood. He's really just on the list because he's so pretty. I also have a big crush on Chris Hardwick. He's cute, pulls of a great scruffy look, hilarious, and sober. All things I like. Ben Feldman is really trying to work his way up to number one though.

This Trick Is an Illusion



This bitch is funny! I have to say too many girls pull the raccoon look that she does when she beats her face. It's not cute, but I guess guys are into it? Yuck. She's so much cuter without makeup. She should definitely go for the natural look. I could do her beat, and she'd look cuter than the chola-esque business she has going on: and I draw makeup on like Katherine fucking Hepburn.

Saturday, July 10, 2010

Predators



The movie was fun! I mean, it was a stupid action movie, but as far as they go, it was a good one. There was a little gore, which I approve of, but they didn't take it to an absurd level. Of course the premise is stupid, but what else would I expect? It's not going to be some Oscar-worthy drama with predator aliens mixed in.

Onto the meat. By meat, I mean Adrien Brody. He's really a two-face for me. One face is busted and ugly. The other is sexy and rapeable. Hm, I guess spellcheck doesn't like my "rapeable" word. Oh well, I can lobby to get it added to dictionaries. Since you brought up the R topic, there was actually a somewhat funny rape joke in the movie. It involved Topher Grace, who is in his own right rapeable. The joke was something about how this prisoner wanted to rape so many "fine bitches" when he got home. "What time is it? Five o'clock? Time to rape some fine ass bitches." Topher then replies that it is bitch-raping time or something. Nevermind. I guess you had to be there. Anyway, back to the point: Adrien Brody was looking GOOD. He obviously did some bulking for this film, but since he was so skinny to begin with, it works for him. He doesn't look like a juicehead guido. He especially looked good firing guns. I now understand why some straight guys are into watching women shoot guns. At the end he's shirtless and slathered in mud. HOT. Go see Predators if you like blood and sex.

Thursday, July 8, 2010

Spilling the Bea. No Rose, Honey, Only the Bea

I was just going through it, having a seriously deep moment for Ms. Bea Arthur. I thought I'd share this tidbit:



It's fun and in the vein of her great musical theater style.

p.s. Was this bitch ever young? I guess I've seen her at forty-something in Mame, but damn, even that is middle-aged. Whatever, she's doing the Charleston with Jesus right about now.

Wednesday, July 7, 2010

California Geriatrics

This is going to haunt my dreams tonight. The old man in the wig has a HUGE fucking head. Damn. It's so scary. And the lyrics are quite disturbing. Props for the balls to be doing it though. A friend insisted that I give the other oldie credit for having a decent body for his age. Whatever. Maybe in 40 years I'll find it attractive. I never understood that. As we age, do we find other old people attractive? Anyway, one of the young guys looks like he could be really cute, but he's not in it enough.


Beweave It Again

Pat and sniff weave: genius. I want popsicle scent.

Racist?

Okay some people might think this video is really racist, but it's a joke. A funny one. A somewhat racist joke. But still hilarious! I guess this girl just released a country music single and was in Legally Blonde the musical. Now she can add pretend racist kkkunt to her CV.


Saturday, July 3, 2010

Centipede





I've known about this song for a while now, but I thought I'd finally share the beauty that is the music video. It's "Centipede" by Rebbie Jackson--the eldest of the Jacksons. The song is terrible and somewhat fun. The video is horrendous and amazing. The dance moves. The lightning shooting off everything. The snake. the tiger. The look on Rebbie's face at the very beginning when she lays eyes on the painting. Just amazing. The song makes me feel disgusting though. The first thing I think of is an actual centipede. And not just any centipede--the mukade. i think I might have posted about it before, but here it is again:



The next thing I think of is the movie The Human Centipede: First Sequence (yes, it is the first of a planned trilogy). It's about a sadistic surgeon who attaches a guy's asshole to a girl's mouth and her asshole to another girl's mouth and then tries to train/keep it like a pet. Yikes. I know. Sooo. . . your legacy is somewhat tainted, Rebbie. Sorry, girl!


Trannychaser

You know you love it.

Friday, July 2, 2010

We Have a Winner


Wow. Just wow. I just watched perhaps the most disturbing porn. And I've seen some disturbing shit. There's one where maybe 20 guys cum in a shotglass, which is then frozen and subsequently inserted into a guy's anus. That's not the disturbing one I just saw. The video in question started off so normal. An extremely cute guy is blowing a soft, so-so-looking guy. Throughout the beginning, Cute Guy gives Pudge adorable puppy eyes, and it couldn't be cuter. Then the deepthroating begins. Which is fine. Whatever. Like in real life, in porn, deepthroating is acceptable in brief intervals. It really doesn't feel that great, but it's nice to look at every now and then. After a few minutes, it becomes apparent that the video is focusing on DT. Then it happens. With Pudge's cock all the way down, we hear a liquidy gurgle as CG's cheeks puff. No, we think. It can't be. That scenario can occur without actually throwing up. But CG pulls himself off Pudge, and what we fear becomes reality: the spew spills to the floor. I'm at least grateful it's not chunky. It's like. . . beer vomit. You know what I mean. By now, CG is sweaty with effort and the physical reaction of gagging/vomiting. He looks good like that, so vomit aside, it's still enjoyable. Maybe it was a fluke. Hey, I've heard horror stories of such things. Perhaps the editors just left it in. Oh no. The next 25 minutes consist of the same thing. Deepthroat, spew, repeat. It was horrifying, but still kind of arousing? That's not something I need to try in real life to know I wouldn't like. In the end, the cumshot is disappointing. Truly, what can top all the gagging and spewing? A simple swallowing cumshot pales in comparison. Which makes me wonder: since this is part 1 of 13, what the hell are the rest like? Stay tuned, maybe I'll make it through them.

California Gays




I can get behind a good gay spoof. This one is just funny. Is it just me, or are all these homos unfuckable? I'm sorry, you have your place, but I'm just not into dancing queens. I love how it must have been the last day of shooting, and they were like, "shit! we're a bunch of whities, it might look bad. We need diversity stat!" So they threw in a couple Asians and five seconds of a black guy. Also: I love you, Guy Branum.

A Peek Into Sadiston's Future


I guess there's going to be another Pee Wee Herman movie. I don't know, I didn't pay attention because my eyes were drawn to this beauty. Is it just me, or does Miss Yvonne look exactly like a future Jennifer Aniston? Well, minus all the cats of course.