I Cant Wait to Be Old

My brother to me:

I just talked with Gma for 2 hours. not bad, she was saying crazy shit. ie "i thought that if one of you two (you & me) were going to turn up gay, it'd be you." thanks, Gma

Nazi Say What?

My G-Ma has all these mats in her house positioned around entryways. They are patterned in such a way that, when aligned correctly, they form swastikas. Every time I'm there and I notice one, I reposition them. I think her handyman/housekeeper must be putting them back. I think it's his passive way of saying "fuck you old lady, I have a PhD."

Set Phazers To Bukkake

My G-Ma is quite a character. Here's a tidbit: to this day she laments that the FDA pulled the strong diet pills (read: SPEED) of her day off the market. "I could take half a pill and clean the entire house in an hour." Last night she was telling me how she and a friend used to watch Star Trek when she was in her 20s. She told me her friend used to always say, "that William Shatner, he can put his shoes under my bed any day." If you think about it, that's pretty scandalous. It's inflation. Gas used to cost five cents per gallon, and ribaldry has also had to step up its game. That's like a modern, innocent girl saying, "that Zac Effron, I'd let him stick it anywhere and post it on X Tube." But look at young Shatner! He was kind of a hot piece. Now he has kind of a hair piece. And a girdle. I wonder what will be considered the new dirty in 50 years.