Have you seen this shit on VH1? First of all, I'm not sure what to think of the host. This Steve Ward matchmaking douche prides himself on his rules of dating, providing a man's perspective in the form of condescending rants. Fine, I'm cool with that. Some of these bitches in the cast need to be scolded. Or scalded. . . with acid. Can we just do both? So far, the show has mostly consisted of him giving advice on how not to scare off a guy within the first few meetings. It's mostly common sense, but we all know there are plenty of people out there who lack it. I can't tell if Steve is fuckable or not. Eh who am I kidding? I'd bounce on it, but he looks like the kind of guy you hate until he's inside you.
On to the ridiculous cast. Wow, the VH1 page for it has some amazing bios! Here are some excerpts from Token black girl Abiola's (yes, oh so close to areola). I swear I'm not making this up:
Her bright smile and infectious laughter conceal a deep-rooted fear that she will never find someone to share the beautiful moments in life with. She has been contemplating buying another cat, which her friends have strongly advised her against, stating she's on a slippery slope to becoming the lonely old cat lady. . . .After watching the Presidential election results alone and celebrating with a cake made for 1, Abiola realized that there was a need for CHANGE in her personal life, as well as that of our country's!Ouch! She's actually pretty likable on the show, though a bit clingy.
Then there's Arian. Firstly, STOP NAMING CHILDREN VARIATIONS OF "ARYAN." It's not hip. It's not cool. In fact, it beings to mind white supremacy and MILLIONS of murdered people. I don't care if it means "very holy one" in Greek or some shit or that in 1978 886 girls were named Arian. That's 886 sad little girls with ignorant bitches for mothers. It doesn't matter what the original meaning was, it's the context. Okay, the point is Arian (sigh) is kind of a slut. She says she "was" a stripper, but she basically still is. Are you thinking what I'm thinking? Daddy issues!
Arian grew up seeking approval from her father, but rarely got it. She emphatically believes that there is no man on the face of the earth that could be faithful to one woman for his entire life. When she meets men that she thinks she could potentially fall in love with, she purposely tries to repulse them. She has a "two week rule" for men. After a couple of weeks of partying, she kicks them to the curb and cuts off all communication.Okay, I can deal with her bullshit, but she lists
Twilight as her favorite book. Fuck you. If your favorite book is
The Da Vinci Code, fuck you too (except for you, MP Sunshine, I'll let you pass. For now).
Jessa. Wow. Her problem is obsession. She's the one most likely to boil a dude's rabbit.
Most recently, she was dumped for taking pictures of her overnight guest while he was sleeping and then texting him the midnight photo shoot the next day. Damn. She probably stole some pubes and kept a turd he dropped in the toilet so she could make a miniature of him. And love it
forever.
Jody is the oldest of the group, and she's cool enough, but she only ever talks about her work. Regarding her career, she's driven, focused, and goal-oriented. That's great, but it won't get her dick. Actually, I don't think she meant to be on this show. She was looking for carrots, wandered over while grazing, and thought it was "Trough Love."
Natasha is super boring. Next.
Stasha is out of control. She's Serbian, and won't shut the fuck up about how she was in Playboy. She was a three-time Playmate of the year. In Croatia. Croatia. I don't know how it works for women over there, so I don't know what her competition was like. I might be impressed if a guy got some title like that, because those countries over there produce some fine ass men for gay porn. But Stasha? I get the feeling she used to be like one of those drugged out skanks in Hostel who lure men into underground killing clubs. On the show she claims to be 33. Her VH1 profile says she's 28. She looks more like 45. I really hope she not 28 or even 33. That would be sad. I guess she could be that young, but she just looks used. Like she gets fucked a lot.
Her MySpace page is great! Lots of slutty pictures and whatnot. It's a little creepy that we share so many of the same interests though. But seriously, what is the deal with her pictures? Even the bio picture on the VH1 website has her looking all busted. Can't they photoshop that shit?
There have been a few cat fights, but nothing really good yet. I'm hoping some of these twats will duke it out. The problem with the show is that it's not set up as a competition. All it needs is to kick off the bitch who's making the least progress at the end of every show, and you'll have bitches fighting all the time! Come on, Steve. Get it together.
