Monday, September 13, 2010

More Boring Fat Girl Stuff


I realized I haven't really been keeping track of the books I'm reading, so I should make a list somewhere. I want a record of it, and instead of storing an obscure list on my computer, I'll just do it here. So feel free to ignore this, as it is mostly for me. It strikes me just how much of a nerd I am when I look at all these together. The books I've read so far in 2010, in no particular order:


I Drink for a Reason - David Cross
Some Things That Meant The World to Me - Joshua Mohr
I Was Told There Would Be Cake - Sloan Crosley
The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo - Stieg Larsson
The Girl Who Played with Fire - Stieg Larsson
The Girl Who Kicked The Hornet's Nest - Stieg Larsson
The Stranger - Max Frei
Dead And Gone - Charlene Harris
My Booky Wooky - Russell Brand
Wishful Drinking - Carrie Fisher
Chocolate, Please - Lisa Lampinelli
For A Few Demons More - Kim Harrison
The Outlaw Demon Wails - Kim Harrison
White Witch, Black Curse - Kim Harrison
Black Magic Sanction - Kim Harrison
The Coffin Dancer - Jeffrey Deaver
I Love You More Than You Know - Jonathan Ames
Angels of the Deep - Kirby Crow
Scarlet & The White Wolf - Kirby Crow
Mariner's Luck - Kirby Crow
Land of Night - Kirby Crow
The Hours Between - Sebastian Stuart
Warrior's Cross - Madeleine Urban & Abigail Roux
Wicked Gentleman - Ginn Hale
Turnskin - Nicole Kimberling
Mental - Eddie Safarty
31 volumes of Bleach
3 volumes Naruto
several collections of various x-men trade paperbacks
Wizard's First Rule - Terry Goodkind
Stone of Tears - Terry Goodkind
Blood of the Fold - Terry Goodkind
Temple of the Winds - Terry Goodkind
Soul of the Fire - Terry Goodkind
Faith of the Fallen - Terry Goodkind
The Pillars of Creation - Terry Goodkind
Naked Empire - Terry Goodkind
Chainfire - Terry Goodkind
Phantom - Terry Goodkind
Confessor - Terry Goodkind
Stardust - Neil Gaiman
Chelsea Chelsea Bang Bang - Chelsea Handler
Disco Blood Bath - James St. James
Freak Show - James St. James
Faithful Place - Tana French
The Black Prism - Brent Weeks
The Way of Shadows - Brent Weeks
Shadow's Edge - Brent Weeks
Beyond the Shadows - Brent Weeks
Mistborn - Brandon Sanderson
The Well of Ascension - Brandon Sanderson
The Hero of Ages - Brandon Sanderson
The Warded Man - Peter V. Brett
Desert Spear - Peter V. Brett
Orange Is the New Black - Piper Kerman

Currently reading:
Sickened - Julie Gregory

Upcoming:
Kraken - China Mieville
Blood Meridian - Cormac McCarthy

Mean Disney Girls

I love it. I pretty much quote this movie on a daily basis, so any funny interpretations of it are welcome.

The Police Sketch Artist Game



My new friend Judy taught me this game. She said she and a friend used to look up guys on the Illinois registered sex offender website. One person--the victim--would choose a guy, and only she would be able to see him. She would lie in bed pretending to be the sole surviving victim of this horrible man. She would then relate his information and what he looked like to the other person--the police sketch artist. How fun!

A Lovely Little Jaunt



I spent the weekend in Chicago visiting my dear kindred spirit Blanche. We went to high school together, but I didn't know her very well then. We started reconnecting this year, and I am so so grateful for it. She is a peach and a half and makes the world a brighter place. I took the train up, and you know how well that went. I stayed with her and her husband, and met Judy and Jim: also peaches.

We kikied for hours, and Blanche made us homemade pasta. A regular Martha Stewart, that one. She puts Ina Garten to shame. Bitch keeps a TIGHT household.

We headed to a club to see the wonderful Pandora Boxx perform. She was supposed to go on at 12, but there we were, milling around the place, waiting for what seemed like an eternity. Drag performers are notorious for their tardiness, so we thought nothing of it and busied ourselves with the goings on around us. Ooooh there was some shit. As expected, there was a plethora of shitty faggots. A few of them cute. Not many great looks, but oh well. It may have been cool outside, but it was HOT in there. One gay really committed to his whatever looks in the cardigan and beanie. I hope he had a heat stroke. There were SO many girls too. I'm not used to that at a gay club. And tons of lesbians too. As evidenced here:



I was a little shy about taking pictures, but then I thought, what the fuck? I don't know these bitches and probably won't see them ever again. Also seen: the trashiest skank ever. She had ratty Britney hair, raccoon eye makeup, a ruffle denim micro-skirt, and some kind of Ugg BOOTS WITH THE FUR. I didn't get a good picture of her unfortunately.

There were two go-go boys, which was a new experience for me. One was really muscled and meh in the face. The other was adorable and had a sexy scar on his midsection. He was still a shitty, shitty faggot. Look, even at my sexiest and lowest-self-esteemiest, I would never have danced on the bar in my underwear for money--and I've done some crazy shit in my twenty. . . one years. What really killed me was his Santa's little helper look. His red underwear was attached to red suspenders. The pièce de damn résistance that brought it all together was the mark of a crummy faggot: FLIP-FLOPS. Yes, boy was shaking his ass on the bar for dollars in flip-flops. I didn't want to be attracted to him, and at first I was determined. He won me over though. That mop of hair gave him a boyish cuteness, and he really did have a nice ass. We decided, however, that he was stuffing his underwear. Oh well. I still wanted to hate fuck him:



We witnessed a great scene through the window. There was a party trolley filled with all kinds of wasted people dancing and carrying on. There was one kid who had obviously started the party early, and he was swaying in his seat, chugging water from a giant jug. Luckily the traffic light was long enough for us all to observe. Some drunk buddy talked to him for a moment, and the kid drank more water, swaying the whole time. He gagged and fought the urge to vomit. This continued for what felt like a long time, but must have been only 45 seconds. It was a game, and I was really hoping he would puke before the trolley took off. He heaved more and more, and finally he threw up! All of us watching in the club cheered and laughed as the kid spewed onto the street. Fantastically hilarious.

None of us had ever been to that particular venue before, so we didn't know there was also a giant basement, which was apparently where the performance was. By the time we wised up, we had missed the first set. Oh well, we saw enough to gag us. The opener, Jade (also from RuPaul's Drag Race) was great. She did a ballet number while lipsynching, and she was really on point. And en pointe. Pandora was her usually goofy self, and she delivered. She performed to what is becoming her signature song:





Super Pussy Smash

This truly is the best drag queen entrance I've ever seen. I want to thank my friend Blanche D'Almonds:



She really opened my eyes to some wonderful things this weekend, and I'll get into more in later posts. Right now it's about a performance you MUST watch:




BOOM. OVARIES. I also appreciate the high kick into death drop move. As Mrs. D'Almonds pointed out a comment to me, "her wig is pinned for LIFE." Yes, girl. Yes it is.