Tuesday, August 23, 2011

Oops, I Did It Again


The leases at my apartment building are for one year, and this is going to be a rough one.  I was on the phone with my brother when I heard a knock at my door.  I was expecting my dinner delivery, so I opened up without even looking through the peephole.  Imagine my surprise when it's not the cute delivery boy but Shonda, my crazy downstairs lesbian neighbor.  I held up a finger and said, "hold on just a minute."  Then I ran into the other room and crazily whispered to my brother the situation.  I thought maybe if I waited long enough, she'd just go away.  He asked if my door was locked.  FUCK, it wasn't.  "Can I lock it super quietly?" I asked my brother.  "NO!  She'll know."  He said to tell her this will be a while, indicating she should go the fuck away.  I did that, but she just whispered, "do you have a egg?"  Not AN egg, A egg.  "Oh sure," I replied and ran to the fridge.  I handed her one egg, and then for some reason asked "do you need just one?"  She eyed my carton and said, "maybe two."  So I gave the bitch TWO eggs.  Then she whispered, "I'll come up and see you later if that's okay."  I'm too much of a pussy to stand up and throw shade to a bitch's face, so I said, "oh yeah, whenever."  FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK.  I need to abort this relationship.  I am not trying to see this dyke.  This is going to be a long year.